Comments on: Why Chinese Mothers are Superior and other scariness

By: Michelle

Michelle — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 00:42:28 +0000

Girl, stop beating yourself up! I'm a big fan of John Rosemond, who believes children themselves are responsible for their homework and their success (or failures) on a test! He has a response to this article about this Chinese mother- -http://www.rosemond.com/Weekly-Column---92109.html. I love this guy!

By: Richmond_Mom

Richmond_Mom — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:16:05 +0000

Great feedback from an actual child of Asian parenting. Thank you so much for your feedback, it sounds like you found a happy medium! Interesting that you mention suicide rates. . .that has to be a sad biproduct of this type of strict environment. Hopefully all cultures will find a way to strike the balance. . .

By: @socolime367

@socolime367 — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 03:13:49 +0000

As a the product of this style of parenting, I have seen both the positive and negative parts of being raised this way. I can vividly remember the first time I got a B on my report card. My mother was so upset that she just yelled for an hour. If you had not known what was going on, you would have thought I had killed the family pet or something. My mother always expected the most from me. I had to get straight As and play the piano. I was never allowed out after dark or allowed to sleep over most of my friends' houses. My parents were very overprotective growing up. Even though she did respect my other interests such as marching band, debate, and drama, I had a hard time deciding if I were doing things for me, or for my mother. After reading some of the responses on this and other blogs, it doesn't surprise me that Asian American women are among the highest demographics when it comes to suicide rates. I was not a happy teenager, but I also had a mouth. My mom slowly learned how to let up and became more lenient as I got older. Would I do what my mother did to me as a child? Probably not, but it was been a part of who I am. Do I think Asian mothers are superior? Nope. It's just a different way of raising your children.

By: @_AngelaWright

@_AngelaWright — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 22:04:29 +0000

I've come to realize part of me agree with her in regards to my elementary age child. Every poor grade is a direct reflection on me and my parenting. Sadly as a "western" I'm too lazy to implement hours of homework each night but I do feel like a loser when my child does poorly on a spelling test.

By: Richmond_Mom

Richmond_Mom — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 15:30:38 +0000

Read what another blogger wrote about this column. . the controversy continues. Appreciate all of your comments and viewpoints: http://www.halfsigma.com/2011/01/bad-parenting-ad...

By: Richmond_Mom

Richmond_Mom — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 15:16:21 +0000

Aly you are so right. . .I did not mean to label all Chinese mothers that way but the article in the WSJ that is referenced does. I hope I did not come across in that way–I'm sure there are all kinds of moms in China, too!

By: aly in va

aly in va — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 12:25:17 +0000

I really don't like labelling any ethnic group in cultural stereotypes. I do know Chinese mothers who do not treat, talk to or react to their children as described. There are extreme parents in every race.

By: Richmond_Mom

Richmond_Mom — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 05:19:41 +0000

Thanks, Angela, that is great feedback. . and you are right, they do not want to stick-to-it. There has got to be some happy medium, right?!

By: Angela in Midlothian

Angela in Midlothian — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 04:12:14 +0000

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. "

Sorry, Kate, but there is something to this part of the article. I do have the luxury of seeing at least the bud of the fruit of our parenting labors with my oldest turning 16 in three weeks. And while my kids have a lot going for them, I am guilty of not forcing them to learn new skills. Stick-to-it-iveness is not natural to them.

My husband and I just discussed this tonight with our sophomore in regards to the Latin V AP exam he faces in a few short months. He lacks confidence in his ability to prepare effectively for the exam. We know that he can do it, but it will require motivation, self-discipline and giving up some gaming and facebook time…… Long-term goals can seem out of reach to children raised with instant-messaging, on-demand movies and real-time video chats!

It is up to us to guide and encourage our children, and a little pain along the way can bring some very positive results. Intestinal fortitude on parents' part is essential and yet in short-supply among many of my contemporaries. Only time will tell how our "advances" in "nurturing" our children pay off. Excellence used to be a note-worthy goal in our country.

Thanks for sharing the article.

By: Judy

Judy — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 17:34:55 +0000

I am a Chinese Mother and disagree with the article. This is the perfect way to raise a "broken down" child with no spirit. I speak from example. I was raised in a similar household and have suffered its repercussions to this day. DH and I do everything in our power to be sure that it does not happen to our children. Even at the expense of raising spoiled children….at least they are happy…right?