During the Anti-Bullying Town Hall on May 17th sponsored by RichmondMom.com and Commonwealth Parenting, many sad, frustrating stories were shared about children being bullied by their peers at school, on the bus, and online. It was clear that many parents felt they weren’t being heard by their kids’ schools and that current bullying policies and procedures are just not clear and powerful enough.
So, what can we do about this?
Without the help of school officials, we won’t be able to fully resolve this issue, so we’ll need to create a partnership with them on this issue. According to Susan Brown of Commonwealth Parenting, the best way to do this is to go to them in a collegial, collaborative manner, already having done our homework on the current bullying policies, bullying statistics, and with a list of ideas on how to work together. Our schools want the best for our kids, and perhaps when anger and blame are taken out of the equation they’ll feel more comfortable partnering with us on the issue.
While we can’t force the state of Virginia to create clearer and more comprehensive bullying policies, we can and should work with our individual schools. Pull together a task force of teachers, parents, students and administrators to assess current policies and find room for improvement.
According to www.stopbullying.gov, an effective school policy should include: A code of conduct specifying that each student is entitled a safe learning experience free of discrimination, violence and bullying; a clear description of school responses to bullying behaviors; and a confidential reporting system that tracks incidences, responses and trends over time.
There are also some things we as parents can start doing right now.
- We can start talking clearly and regularly to our children about how we expect them to treat their peers. Respect and empathy is every child’s right; it is not reserved for those who fit some particular criteria or mold.
- We can teach our children to embrace and respect our differences, and that someone who might look or act different than them on the outside is still just like them on the inside.
- We can encourage our kids to participate in programs such as the Special Olympics’ “Volunteer to Cheer” program to show our children that it is our duty and privilege to get to know and support our peers who have special needs or disabilities.
- We as parents can model more positive, less divisive behaviors. Not always easy to do during these years of social disagreement and upheaval, but more important than ever.
- We can work to get our schools to show the “Bully” documentary to students. The film is PG-13, appropriate for tweens and teens, and is a very effective conversation starter. See The Bully Project to join the effort to bring “Bully” to your child’s school and to download professionally written parenting and teacher viewing guides.
- We can communicate to state and local agencies that we expect them to create better educational programs and a clearer, stronger system for identifying and disciplining bullies that also provides them with the right behavioral and psychological help to guide them down a better path, while providing a safe and supportive environment for victims to come forward.
- We can encourage our children to have the courage to stand up for their peers, to say no to bullying, to create a school environment where being “upstanders” instead of “bystanders” is the norm.
But the bottom line is that we must find a way to work together, as teachers, parents, children and professionals, to find ways to solve this problem, before any more children are lost.
It’s important to continue the conversation about bullying. Involve as many people as possible until we have a critical mass big enough that real, lasting changes are made. Please send us your thoughts, stories, questions, whatever is on your mind about bullying so we can keep the conversation going.
The more we talk and communicate, the more solutions we will find and the louder our voices will be.
