Nailed it.

Since my daughter is always in style, I thought she could help us old people figure out how to keep up, keep in, and keep looking fabulous.

What is the most important color to have in our wardrobe this Spring?

Well, yellow and maybe blue and a bit green.

Done.

What are the best patterns to compliment a look?

I think if you are going to a special place you should make it sparkly and wear your favorite colors but always have pink in it. Because pink is a pretty color for something. And maybe purple.

Special like a ninja party

How important is lipstick?

Not that important.

Shoes with glitter or without glitter?

Well, if you are going to a ball then you have to wear glitter on your shoes. But if you don’t have glittery shoes, wear regular shoes as long as they are high-heels and you’re a grown up. Or if you have permission.

Luckily, we have her covered.

What inspires you in creating your outfits?

I don’t have anything that inspires me. I just think of it, and I have it. I chose the shirt with the color I want and then I chose pants that match the shirt and a skirt that matches the shirt and pants. That’s it.

What’s the biggest fashion mistake you see?

Wearing brown and black without a skirt.

What’s trendier: long hair or short hair?

Long hair. But I’m not sure why.

Is brushing our hair worth it?

Yes even though I hate it because if you don’t brush your hair, your hair could get sick. So even if you don’t like to get your hair brushed, you have to or your hair will get sick.

In closing, this fashionista states, “For fashion, you inspire yourself.”

Thanks, my dear! I already look better.

A few of my favorite YouTube videos:

My Little Ponies, Friendship is Magic is amazing in and of itself but when you make them sing Les Miserables? They really are magic. Here they are singing Do you hear the people sing? (and yes, I am always singing along and yes, there are more)

Sad Cat Diary. Every time I watched this, I laughter leaks out my eyes. There is a dog version as well.

You’ve probably heard of Shane Koyczan and his anti-bullying “To This Day Project” spoken-word poem, but I love his poem on his grandfather fighting off his night terrors. (cursing)

I mostly read Pleated-Jeans.com for their Tumblr Gets Deep series, but the looks-like-your-brother-made-them-quality youtube videos are pretty good if only because we all need 10 Not-So-Useful Life Hacks particular since I use 3 of these quite often.

Now it’s time to pick up the kids. Or get more snow. Either way, I hope you learned something like YouTube has a lot of videos.

Before you go, what are your favorite YouTube videos? 

When I moved down south, I immediately adopted “y’all” not because I was trying to trick people into believe my sweaty, summer-hating, uber-liberal, rude, Ivy league, self could be from Virginia, but because it is so much more descriptive. Up North, “you” is singular and plural unless you’re from a New York based mafia movie and can naturally pull off “yous guys.” The pronoun “you” is confusing until we cross the mason-dixon line. These days, when I need my kids to come in, I say, “y’all come inside now, ya hear?” And no one says “I didn’t know you were talking to me!” In fact, sometimes all the neighborhood kids come inside, too.

I love that there are 50 words for snow in the Inuit dialect in Canada, and the Sami people have a 1000+ words for reindeer. Words reflect our needs and desires. They honor and unmask us. I once had a friend who was forever trying to use words no one knew. It betrayed his need to feel smarter than everyone around him. How embarrassing! Of course, as a young girl, I quietly cursed as much as possible. I loved the feeling of breaking the rules as long as I never got caught (hence, the muttering). It took a long time to outgrow this flaw, but my vocabulary revealed me long before my rebellious teen years did.

Although we have to be careful how much we overthink someone’s turn of phrase. I adore the sayings “knee-high to a grasshopper” and “it’s the bee’s knees.” But my thing for insect idioms don’t keep me from screaming when real bugs appear in my home — even grasshoppers. When I was 12, my favorite phrase was “Do these eyes look like they care?” which is maybe less of a phrase and more of a harbinger of the teens years to come. My parents should’ve been better listeners.

But my favorite collection is my word document of quotes that I painstakingly created from a yellow legal pad I began with over two decades ago. As always, famous people have the best sayings on words and their true consequences.

“A thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed.” -Henrik Isben

And on the importance of knowing the significance of a phrase.

“The value of the average conversation could be enormously improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.”  -Andre Maurois

I have learned to choose my words wisely without letting my words mark me as someone desperate to be wise. Well… almost.

I read the articles and hear the parents mocking them, but when my kids come home with a card from every classmate that has only words of love and kindness… when they light up as we read each one from their closest friend to their frenemy to the one kid with which they desperately wish they were besties… well, I would do Valentine’s Day cards every day if I could.

In the past, both my children had school years where they were not popular. Where they were left out because they didn’t have whatever “it” is in school that particular year or because the moms, who were all friends, didn’t want another friend along. Or because it was just my kids’ turn to be on the outside looking in at friends going off to birthdays parties and play dates without them. It broke my heart, and while I tried to make nice and to encourage camaraderie, I could not stop the mean words on the playground or refusals to include the kids.

However, I could always count on one day where everyone was included. And accepted. Where everyone had to give a card to everyone else and my kids came home feeling full of joy and sparkling in way we missed during that terrible year. Valentine’s Day made them feel okay again, and I could believe the difficult year would not last forever — just as the year I was teased and mocked in school did not last forever.

I don’t love Valentine’s Day for me. My husband expresses his love for me all the time. I love Valentine’s Day for leveling the playing field, for giving children day where everyone’s bucket is full, for the demand of kindness. I can’t wait to celebrate Valentine’s Day again so whichever kid is having a hard time in school this year — the year my kids are having a ball with their friends — so that kid can come home feeling loved by every classmate in the way they deserve.

I’ve been really wanting to change myself, and it seems like 2015 would be the perfect year to do it! And who better to guide my way than the ever-changing celebrities, sports figures and 24-hour news cycle.

Can you guess which story inspired each of my 15 New Year Resolutions?

1. I will create an Alex doll outfitted with all my bad behaviors over the last two decades and see if anyone will sell it to children.
2. I will record an album and force it on to everyone’s computer because who doesn’t want to hear me sing?
3. I will take the stairs and walk the mall and jog in place while giving myself a rash.
4. I will host a late night television show.
5. I will take pictures of my butt.
6. I will move back to my home state of Connecticut and expect a huge homecoming only to leave the state wondering if I’ll move away in a year.
7. I will finally get married and all the women will cry. (Okay, I’m already married but maybe we can at least renew our vows in Venice.)
8. I will get a divorce and make it sound like a yoga position.
9. I will create much strife and hand-wringing until finally voting to change nothing.
10. I will visit Cuba.
11. I will shake it off until Taylor Swift tells me to do something different.
12. I will dump ice water on my head to get out of paying things.
13. I will dabble in performance art after plagiarizing people. I will need paper bags and the ability to not talk for extended periods of time.
14. I will check into rehab for something — maybe even two somethings.
15. And finally, I will retire until I get arrested for riding my bike the wrong way.

Answers:

1. Breaking Bad figurines are put in then taken out of the toy aisle
2. U2 teams up with Apple and their new album pops up on everyone’s iTunes whether they want it or not
3. FitBit Force recalled after causing wrist rashes
4. Jimmy Fallon & Steven Colbert take over late night television
5. Kim Kardashian’s naked pictures with photographer Jean-Paul Goude
6. LeBron James leaves Miami for his hometown of Cleveland (and now there’s talk he might not stay for next season)
7. George Clooney marries Amal Alamuddin
8. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t divorce — they consciously uncoupled
9. Scotland’s vote for independence fails
10. Obama normalizes relations with Cuba
11. Taylor Swift is crowned the queen of pop after her breakout, non-country album and after removing her music from Spotify
12. ALS ice bucket challenge
13. Shia LaBeouf
14. Too many to name and I do hope it works for those who need it.
15. Alec Baldwin publicly retiring from public life until becoming public bike enemy #1 in NYC

Happy New Year!

However, my 8-year-old son loves video games, and moreover, he loves to share his joy, which means I’ve had to find something I’m halfway decent at before I’m relegated to the hopeless or even worse, the opponent when he feels like an easy win.

The first one I’ve managed to pull off is Madden Football. We play on the same team (Go Giants!), which means I can hang out as player two and actually help without having to learn how to point and throw. Plus, the power move is basically shaking the remote (at least on the Wii/Wii U) and with the stress of trying to make a first down, I’m already doing that!

Clash of Clans screenshot. They’re currently raising money for AIDS through RED, which also prompted some great discussion.

The second game is Clash of Clans (for mobile devices). I initially joined because it is my son’s first online multiplayer game, which means he can connect, chat and team up with anyone, anywhere in the world, and I wanted to monitor with whom he interacted. But after a few days, I was all in — building my village, attacking other villages, and joining my son’s clan that eventually included five other family members (the family that plays together, stays together with giants and barbarians to defend them). I enjoy the game so much I surprised my son by accruing more trophies than him. I may have even surprised myself.

While I’d still rather watch a movie than play a video game (thank goodness for kid #2), I am glad I found some common video game ground. Now, when he says, “I upgraded my gold storage and got ten gems!” I can respond “Me, too!” rather than “What are you talking about?” I think that’s good for both of us.

PS. Do you play video games with your kids? What games do you play together?

PPS. With the holidays upon us, these also make great gifts. My son got an iTunes gift card towards Clash of Clans and loved it! (The game is free but there are some things you can buy in the game to make your village stronger.)

I know we could adopt UVa without much explanation, but it’s just far enough away and medical school was just traumatic enough that Scott and I aren’t into it.

Our one attempt (four years ago) at a University of Virginia football game. We look pretty enthused.

We could pick Clemson if only because we already have a built fan base in my brother-in-law and sister so they can teach my kids everything about the team, but it’s really far away. My kids already love a far away NFL team, and it’s hard to be a displaced fan (although easier when the local team is terrible) as is.

We could adopt a local college team like the University of Richmond or VCU (well VCU would only be for basketball). We have many friends who love them both (although not often at the same time). We have no personal affiliation with U of R except that my kids thought the big spider painted on the road was cool. On the other hand, the kids were born at VCU’s hospital and Scott did his residency there. It doesn’t solve our football problem although maybe an entire weekend of football would be a little much for my soccer-loving husband.

I’ve never not liked the New York Giants so I don’t know how this team adoption works. How did you end up with your college football and basketball team?

I know how you should do your hair! Like Anna! -my kid

I had to go into public like this.

Now be a bratty, pink-haired princess. -my kid

This is how I performed the amazing play: Bedtime.

I know exactly how you’re supposed to wear a scarf. -my kid

At least I could finally call myself SUPER MOM.

Let’s match all the time. -my kid

Okay so this was kind of cute.

I have the perfect pajamas for you -my mom and obviously where my kids get their fashion sense

Don’t be jealous.

PS. It’s not only my family….

When you need fancy hair, let me help. -Pinterest

I did manage to fix it.

However, even my grumpy self finds the latest Halloween outrages on the Internet over the top.

Halloween Habits

As it turns out, many people have developed rules for trick or treaters. Age limits — no teens allowed. Neighborhood limits — only if you live here. Even attitude limits — don’t cry or take too long choosing the candy bar. It’s not just the multitude of articles and memes on the subjects, but whenever one of these is posted, thirty comments from appear from friends and acquaintances with another one hundred opinions on the subject.

Why does the meme even need to exist?

I didn’t even know someone could have an opinion on the proper way to trick or treat. It’s never even occurred to me to give out candy only to polite kids or young kids or kids who can verify their street address. That is not what Halloween is to me. I just decorate my house, provide candy until it’s all gone, turn off my lights go out, and go to sleep. Maybe I’m too busy embracing the joy of dressing up, eating free candy for weeks and fog machines in my front yard, but I don’t even understand the concept of getting angry on Halloween about any of ideas like age limits or parents driving in cars instead of walking with their kids. Are sexy costumes for children and cultural appropriation too last year?

There are so many things to be mad about in this world. Trust me, I embrace most of them. Our lives are often unfair with many aspects out of our control, but being upset about holidays not being “done right” is too much even for me. Maybe Halloween was feeling bad about all the attention Christmas and not saying “Happy Holidays” was getting. The plus side is that the last month of the Internet make me feel less like an obsessive pessimist and more like a regular person, who is too busy wondering why self-checkout lines make me want to steal all my groceries, to complain about kids taking free candy the wrong way.

For 20 minutes, we ran around, but even I felt spacey between reaching the end of the week and the beginning of another allergy season. As I sat down at a picnic table next to the playground, my daughter climbed into my lap and said, “I’m so tired, Mama.”

Well, there were no couches and it was too warm to sit in the car so we sprawled out on the picnic bench, and I let her amuse herself with the iPad while we waited for my husband to pick her up and bring her home.

There was nothing wrong with my series of parenting decisions: 10 hours after my 5-year-old woke up, she was tired and wanted to chill out like many adults and children need. But as car after car drove by in the busy parking lot, I envisioned the quick click of a smartphone to capture my daughter and me sitting right next to a playground playing on an iPad, and the driver vilifying us all over social media with the caption: This is what’s wrong with America.

And I thought: Maybe what’s wrong with America is a snapshot is assumed to capture the entire picture.