I always knew I would breastfeed. It never occurred to me not to. It never occurred to me that there was some question, because everyone I knew did it. My mom did it. My sister did it. My friends did it. It made perfect sense to me that my body made perfectly good, free food for my babies, and that I would give it to them.

I remember in my early 20’s, though, seeing that mom. The mom with a baby nursing in a sling and a toddler strapped on her back, her broomstick skirt swishing through the organic foods aisle at the grocery store, her hemp sandals flip-flopping with each step, her bangle bracelets tinkling beautifully with each graceful. As she swept her pile of reusable bags aside to make room for her Pirate’s Booty snack and variety of Yogi Teas, she absentmindedly nuzzled her baby’s cheek, her patchouli scent wafting my way as I pushed the mini-cart containing bagged salad and chips and salsa.

It never occurred to me until years later that that mom was the picture of breastfeeding in America.

Apparently, breastfeeding is viewed as something engaged in by a certain type of woman. Moms who stay at home and espouse themselves to ideals very far outside the mainstream – those are the breastfeeders. Moms who work, who watch TV, who let their kids listen to rock and roll, eat gluten, drink pasteurized milk, moms who buy Gerber baby food…those moms don’t breastfeed. And if they do, they don’t do it for long. So society tells me.

WHAT THE HELL?

I started to hear one horror story after another about moms who tried to breastfeed and failed because they

Photo: Daquella Manera

“couldn’t make milk” or whose “baby didn’t like their milk” or whose “baby had reflux on breastmilk and could only drink soy formula” or any number of other horrific stories.

I’m not saying they aren’t true, but we as a society stacked the deck against them. Chances are situation was a bigger factor than biology in mom’s low production or fussy child. If you took just the stories I heard about breastfeeding when I was pregnant, and nothing else, you would that no mom ever successfully breastfed.

So social media, and parenting sites, and just the world, created this crunchy mother earth image of breastfeeding moms that made them seem to do nothing but breastfeed and eat an occasional organic snack, dedicating their lives solely to nursing their children, all their other desires and ambitions going unfulfilled.

For a long time, I thought I was a crunchy person. If you don’t know what that means, you probably are not

one. A “CRUNCHY” person is defined by urbandictionary as follows:

Adjective. Used to describe persons who have adjusted or altered their lifestyle for environmental reasons. Crunchy persons tend to be politically strongly left-leaning and may be additionally but not exclusively categorized as vegetarians, vegans, eco-tarians, conservationists, environmentalists, neo-hippies, tree huggers, nature enthusiasts, etc.

Modified derivative of granola.

Nothing about that definition seems absurd to me, and for a long time, I thought I was pretty crunchy. I

make an above average effort to recycle. I think hybrid cars are awesome. I once used tea tree oil. I take probiotics. I don’t litter. I think that the preservation of our natural resources is our responsibility. Crunchy, right?

So I had a baby. There I was thinking I was this crunchy mama. And then… I met that mom in person (that

mom being a collection of those moms who truly do embody crunchiness). That Mom was so much crunchier than I was. I worked full-time after my maternity leave. I didn’t make baby food. Or clothes. I don’t buy organic anything. I believe that the market for supplements is a bit of a racket by the supplement makers that convince people that putting more things into their body is somehow more helpful than a healthy diet and exercise. I take a variety of prescriptions. I think homeopathic medicine can be hokey. I let my children watch TV. Before they were two. Kind of a lot. We eat chicken nuggets and pizza. And chocolate. Kind of a lot. My kids go to day care.

Compared to that mom, I was something I never would have described myself as before meeting that mom.

I was mainstream. Absolutely, positively mainstream.

You may wonder what I am getting at here. And, in fact, I have labored over how to phrase this writing so as to be inoffensive to both the crunchy moms and the mainstream moms (and those who fall somewhere in the middle).

I am not only a mom who breastfed, but a breastfeeding advocate. And it’s not because I think that formula

feeding is bad (GASP! The breastfeeding counselor just said formula isn’t bad!). I don’t honestly believe it is scientifically the better choice, but I also know plenty of awesome kids who had formula and are just fine.

But I also know that our mainstream world wants us to believe that breastfeeding is really hard and inconvenient. Especially for working moms. Especially for moms who aren’t that mom. That moms who work are doomed to fail, so why not just go ahead and use the “easier” choice?

Oh by the way, the formula companies (who sponsor the mainstream world) want you to believe that breastfeeding is harder than formula feeding.

But you don’t have to be crunchy to breastfeed. You don’t have to be a stay-at-home mom to breastfeed. You don’t have to eschew television and synthetic fabrics and meat and social acceptance. You do have to want to do it. You do have to commit to doing it, find a support system, and believe that it’s possible. And there are lots of people who are willing to help. Pretty much any breastfeeding mom I know would help you. And Breastfeeding USA has trained volunteer counselors ,  who are chomping at the bit to get your call and help you.  And lactation consultants, midwives, OB’s, and maybe even your mom.  And I assure you… none of them will tell you to wear hemp or eat tofu if you want to breastfeed.

So get it out of your mind that you have to fit some kind of mold to be a successful breastfeeder, because you just don’t. I don’t and didn’t. Breastfeeding moms are moms whose breasts make milk… so pretty much any mom who wants to.

Megan Hartless is a mom of two sons and one stepson. When the boys aren’t keeping her on her toes, she is volunteering as a Breastfeeding USA Counselor in Virginia’s Staunton-Augusta area, blogging about breastfeeding, and running a monthly support group for nursing moms. In her “spare time,” she has a full-time job as the Associate Director of Financial Aid at Mary Baldwin College.

Let me start by saying, do not take to heart any criticism you receive about whatever method you select to nourish your babies. That decision is yours to make. People will say you are crazy to attempt to breastfeed two. People will say you are selfish if you decide not to breastfeed. Think carefully about your family, your support system, your finances, your personal gut feelings about the process, and make a decision. Realize you also can change your mind at many stages, and that is also your prerogative.

Most will agree, when feasible, nursing is the healthiest option for your babies, for you, and most definitely, for your wallet. I will tell you here and now, although it is ‘nature’s way,’ it is a challenge.

If you decide to breastfeed your twosome, the undertaking will require both your physical and emotional determination. Have family and friends criticized you as stubborn and obstinate? Those traits will work in your favor.

Let everyone—your hospital, OB/GYN, midwife, doula, nursing staff—know if you intend to nurse your twins. Most will assume you are planning to formula feed twins, so be vocal. Ideally, your support team will get those babies to your breasts within the first hour after they are born. Getting the babies to breast early after birth eases them into the practice when they are at their most receptive.

Don’t be shocked when hardly anything comes from your breasts. Many new mothers–especially mothers of “born early” twins–get fearful in the first few days and quit nursing, convinced their babies are starving. From what I understand (I am not a doctor), babies are born with nutrition sufficient to survive for quite some time with minimal intake. Obviously, you aren’t going to do that, but that tidbit should reassure you tremendously when the first few days are full of incorrect or non-existent nipple latch-ons. Most hospitals have a lactation consultant on staff and she (maybe I am being sexist, but I have yet to hear of a male lactation consultant) will be there to help you. Use her.

Let me dispel one of the most common apprehensions about nursing twins: No way can one woman produce enough milk to sustain two infants. In most instances, that is incorrect.

The breast creates milk on demand. Twice the demand equals twice the milk. Likewise, babies grow (through growth spurts and all) and their demand increases incrementally, your breasts adjust and increase accordingly. If your babies aren’t creating enough demand, or if your babies cannot be directly breastfed right away because of prematurity, a breast pump can simulate demand quite efficiently. The milk you pump can be fed to your babies via whatever method works.

You are probably shrieking right now, “What about nipple confusion? Won’t my babies reject my breasts in favor of the bottles?” If you don’t use care in selecting a strategically nippled bottle, the babies may do just that. But believe me, the babies aren’t confused; they’re just lazy. Most bottles/nipples will automatically drip into the babies’ mouth even if they don’t suck. Those types of bottles are just easier and faster. Don’t blame your babies for wanting the easy route, it’s tough work being adored all day long. My feeling is, it’s never too early to learn life rarely hands you something for nothing. Get nipples that simulate the breast, forcing the babies to truly suck hard to get the goods. As you will find out, the babies need to seriously work their suction muscles in order to extract milk from your breast. (Surely my daughter will thank me in the future when she has finely-chiseled cheekbones from all her diligent nursing as an infant.)

Even if you wish to breastfeed exclusively, do express milk on occasion and let your husband (or grandparents or older siblings) enjoy feeding the babies.

Embarrassingly, I don’t remember the first time I nursed my babies. Surely it was within an hour of their birth. Needless to say, I was tired, and my memory is a little blurry. Okay, my memory of it is non-existent.

What I do remember about those early in-hospital nursing sessions was how comical it must have appeared to any lookers-on. Literally, my arms were raised over my head, in a referee indicating a successful touchdown pose, while the lactation nurses, at least one on each side, positioned and re-positioned our babies’ heads on my breasts. My arms had to be directly over my head to allow the nurses’ physical access and a clear sight line to get the babies latched on.

Latching on. Who would have thought it was tricky? Knowing that breastfeeding is ‘nature’s way,’ I always assumed babies put their mouths on the breast, and voila. Their hunger would be sated. The only tough part would be trying to get two babies onto the nursing pillow at the same time. If only.

Our twosome was so sleepy in their first days of life. We had to wake them every three hours for their feeding, and we had to wake them often during the feedings. As mean as it sounds, we had strip our babies to their diapers to keep them “cool” for nursing. The breast is warm; your arms are, too. Go ahead and add warm milk to the equation. Sleeping pill companies wish they could create a substance as potent. Naked they were.

When the little baby necks (and bodies for that matter) have little strength/control, the idea of nursing them anywhere other than our Queen-sized bed (with my back to the headboard) seemed unsafe. The looming precipice off to the side of glider or a rocker seemed way too dangerous to risk while attempting to coordinate two babies, a monstrously-big pillow, and my monstrously-engorged breasts. With the bed as our base, we had soft places to “land” or place a baby should we ever have a mid-nursing challenge (excessive spit-up, explosive poo blow-out, etc.) …and those times did occur. Some twin moms have managed a couch; I was too hooked on lots of space and soft surface to try the sofa option.

Once our twins were in football hold position (babies’ heads positioned in front of breasts with their bodies lengthwise tucked under armpits) on the tandem nursing pillow, we were ready to start. The “football-hold position” as it’s affectionately known, was the only effective nursing position we were able to implement. When I look back now on all my ‘breastfeeding research’ and the class I took in preparation, I get the giggles. Just about all of the illustrations of viable twin nursing positions were drawings, except for the football hold. There were photographs of women nursing seemingly comfortably using the football-hold position. I did see a few somewhat scary looking photographs of women employing alternate holds, but all parties involved looked uncomfortable, and somewhat smushed. If you find another position works better for you, fantastic! For me, I had enough challenges. Attempting to make the nicer-sounding “cradle hold” work, would have been a waste of precious time.

And no, you are not going to do some perversion of synchronized swimming and move both your hands (each cradling a baby head) in one fluid motion onto your breasts. Once one baby is on and happily sucking, then you can get the other one hooked on. Learning to take turns early is a valuable twin lesson. Don’t make the mistake of lowering your breasts into their mouths. Ideally, you are going to spend hours, weeks and months in this position. Even though it feels “easier” for you to move to them, don’t. Your back will have plenty of other reasons for strain the first year; don’t add nonsensical nursing contortions to your body’s list of things to do

In the hospital, we were blessed to always have the fleet of nursing experts at our beck and call. Wisely, ours suggested we undertake a nursing session or two in-hospital with no assistance. Even with the solo flights notched onto your nursing bra, once you are home, it is a little more challenging. With each dual latching and nursing, try to mentally pat yourself on the back. You won’t have a free hand to literally do it, but congratulate yourself. You are truly accomplishing something special for your babies’ health.

If you have idealized images of nursing your babies like an enthroned Mother Earth, please let go of those fantasies now. You will not be relaxing while nursing, all doe-eyed, gazing upon your offspring as some of the more propagandistic literature would have you believe. Sister, you’re going to be juggling, but for good reason! Try not to get discouraged with the challenges of the early days/weeks. Your babies will learn, and you will get more adept.

After two weeks at home, we made the decision to hire a highly recommended lactation consultant for an in-home visit. We felt it would be well worth the investment, and was it ever!

If these are your first babies, please don’t let the challenges of early breastfeeding make you feel inadequate and incompetent. It easily took us about a month, and the help of that at-home lactation consult, before I genuinely felt breastfeeding was working well each and every feed. Your body is doing something it could not practice for. Cut yourself some slack, and congratulate yourself for attempting—and hopefully succeeding at—a daunting, but highly worthwhile, goal!

Bernardo Strozzi’s “Charity” @VMFA

[*edited excerpt from Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice from Pregnancy through the First Year, c. 2006. Taylor Trade Publishing]