Moving on to middle school can be an exciting time.  Some children embrace this change while others find it difficult. Here are a few things that parents can do to ease the transition.

School Environment: The expectations are greater in middle school. Students are expected to keep track of and complete multiple assignments. Adjust to the teaching styles of 6 or 7 teachers as opposed to 1 teacher (in most elementary school settings).

• Parents can help their child by selecting an organizer that may work best for the child.

• Parents can also help students keep track of assignments by checking in via the school’s electronic classroom, a virtual environment were assignments and grades are posted.

Peers:  Peer groups may change in middle school due to the merging of other schools. This may mean new peers and or the loss of older peer relationships. At this age, children are exploring new interest and align themselves with peers who share those interests. Children are starting to change physically, cognitively, and, emotionally.

• Continue to praise your child for their accomplishments. Encourage your child’s interest.

• Make time to have conversations with your child. Have a daily check-in with your child about his or her day.

• If problems are starting to arise with schoolwork, check in with your child, and the subject matter teacher to find solutions.

Involvement: Parental involvement in academics may decrease in middle school. Maintain an active presence in your child’s academic career. Children whose parents are involved in their studies have grater potential for academic success.

Priscilla Wright is a licensed professional counselor practicing at Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc. located in Midlothian, Virginia. Ms. Wright holds a master’s degree in Counselor Education and is currently completing a doctorate in Counseling Psychology. Ms. Wright is also a National Certified Counselor. At Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc., Ms. Wright works with children, adolescents, and adults on issues to include stress management, co-parenting, as well as anxiety and mood disorders. Ms. Wright believes in a holistic (looking at the person as a whole) approach to practice. Ms. Wright’s research interest includes topics on intellectual disabilities, stress management, and topics regarding family systems.

 

Making the decision to separate may be difficult for most people. When the decision is made, the parties involved may agree that this decision is best for the entire family.  It is often not an easy decision to make.

During a separation or divorce the entire family is experiencing loss and may have difficulty adjusting to the new normal. Although many things may be different, two things remain the same: Mom is still Mom and Dad is still Dad. Even though the relationship or marriage is dissolved, parents must continue to be parents. Here are a few suggestions to help your family through this difficult time:

1. Allow yourself and your children time to grieve. You may feel waves of emotions ranging from sadness, anger, frustration, and confusion. Grief is a fluid process. Your child may also experience similar emotions. Encourage your child to talk about his or her feelings. Some children may harbor self-blame or think that it is something that he or she has done to cause the separation. Reassure your child that he or she had nothing to do with the decision to separate. When children are working though this difficult time they may become easily frustrated, regress to earlier forms of behavior such a thumb sucking or bed wetting, or may refuse to follow directives.

2. Make the decision co-parent versus parallel parent. Co-parenting is a joint effort it means working together to provide, protect, and prepare your child for their future as an adult. In co-parenting, each parent has a voice in the decisions that are made in the best interest of the child. Parallel parenting is parenting separate but not together. In parallel parenting, each parent has a separate set of rules on how the child should be cared for.

3. Put your child first. Make sure that the decisions you and your ex make are in the best interest of the child rather than a personal vendetta against the other.

4. Model the behavior you want to see in your child. Do not bash your ex in front of your child. If you yell at your ex in front of your child this may underscore the idea that it is not only acceptable to communicate in this way, but also that your ex is undeserving of respect as a parent.

5. Do not put your child in the middle. Do not explain to your child all of the details of your divorce or separation as this make your child feel like they have to choose a parent. Your child needs to know that both parents love them and not the details of the divorce.

6. You can co-parent separately but together. Develop rules around how you will communicate together regarding your. Take the time to plan the details around visitation, day care, education, and extracurricular activities. The best person to make decisions are the parents.

Priscilla Wright is a licensed professional counselor practicing at Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc. located in Midlothian, Virginia. Ms. Wright holds a master’s degree in Counselor Education and is currently completing a doctorate in Counseling Psychology. Ms. Wright is also a National Certified Counselor. At Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc., Ms. Wright works with children, adolescents, and adults on issues to include stress management, co-parenting, as well as anxiety and mood disorders. Ms. Wright believes in a holistic (looking at the person as a whole) approach to practice. Ms. Wright’s research interest includes topics on intellectual disabilities, stress management, and topics regarding family systems.

If you are interested in taking co-parenting classes, please contact Commonwealth Behavioral Health.

Do you feel like you on the debate team with your child? Do any of the following seem familiar to you?

• Your child argues with you or any adult in authority.
• Trivial matters easily annoy him or her.
• He or she deliberately annoys others almost appearing to push their “hot buttons.”
• Refuses to take responsibility for his or her own actions or may blame his/her behavior on someone else. Insisting it was their fault.
• Your child seems angry, resentful, or even vindictive at times.
• Refuse to comply with directions given by you or other adults.

If any or all of these symptoms sound familiar then your child may be experiencing symptoms associated with ODD or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD is a disorder that is diagnosed in childhood. A mental health professional may consider a diagnosis of ODD if the child displays at least four of the aforementioned behaviors. These behaviors would also have to be present for at least six months. There are other disorders that resemble these criteria to include ADHD. These disorders must be ruled out before rendering a diagnosis of ODD.

What Parents Can Do

Maintain clear and consistent rules. Make sure your child understands the rules of the home. Post them in a place where all members of the family can see them. When you begin to set limits, the behavior may tend to get worse before it gets better. This is known as an extinction burst. Remember the child is responding to the new change.

Avoid power struggles. When your child yells or screams do not engage in a battle of words. Refrain from responding with anger. A hallmark symptom of ODD is challenging authority. Once you engage in a power struggle, you have reinforced the idea that challenging authority is acceptable.

Do reward positive behavior but do not bribe. You maybe struggling with doing your best to manage this behavior. Bribes are reinforcing to the extent that it underscores the belief that, “This behavior gets me what I want.” Change will occur once it is no longer associated with a positive outcome.
Manage your stress. Take time for yourself. We have little pockets and slithers of time dispersed throughout our day. Take the opportunity to do something enjoyable for yourself. If you have ever been on an airplane, I am sure you can recall the flight attendant instructing you to put your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. If you are not managing your stress well your child will notice.

Priscilla Wright is a licensed professional counselor practicing at Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc. located in Midlothian, Virginia. Ms. Wright holds a master’s degree in Counselor Education and is currently completing a doctorate in Counseling Psychology.  Ms. Wright is also a National Certified Counselor. At Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc., Ms. Wright works with children, adolescents, and adults on issues to include stress management, co-parenting, as well as anxiety and mood disorders. Ms. Wright believes in a holistic (looking at the person as a whole) approach to practice. Ms. Wright’s research interest includes topics on intellectual disabilities, stress management, and topics regarding family systems.

Feature Image by Philipe Put via Flickr