Zombie Survival Guide: Should I Ruck A Tent?

So, you’re on the run from the living dead?  Definitely not sweet.  You’re going to need to be agile, responsive, and most of all, able to get the hell out of dodge on a moment’s notice.  Assuming you don’t have a magical tent which pops up and folds up in seconds (I’m sure there is at least one variety that does), then you’re going to want to forgo the tent altogether.

WTF?  I don’t want raindrops falling on my head!

Well, yeah. Obviously.  Instead of using a tent, we’re going to go the ole hammock and tarp route.  There are at least a few solid advantages that I can think of:

1) With practice, you can set up and take down a tart and hammock in a hot second.  Like I said, when the living dead are pressing your perimeter, you don’t have time to screw around with tent poles.  Even if you didn’t have time to fold a hammock and tarp, you could probably stuff them in your sack or shirt and run like hell.  Try that with a tent.

2) Creepie crawlies are on the ground.  I prefer to not be. Nothing makes me happier than close friends, unless by “friends” you mean snakes and spiders, and by “close” you mean in your underwear.  That is no bueno.  Using a hammock should prevent you from waking up with any unwelcome guests in your sack, with the possible exception of a brave squirrel or two.

3) Hammock and tarp combinations, if done correctly, are as good or better in heavy rain than tents.  Because, again, tents are on the ground.  Water falls on the ground, and then pools up.  See how that works?  If your tarp is big enough and properly staked, it should keep the rain out of your hammock really effectively. And, if you’re tying the right knots and using the right rope, the water won’t even run down the lines on you.  It’s muay bueno.

Now, make sure you have a strong enough hammock for your big ass, or you’ll void everything I just said by busting through the bottom of your sling and landing ass first in a puddle full of snakes and spiders.  If you’re curious about how all of this works in real life check out this guy:


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About Juan Verde

Juan Verde is former military, although the nature and thrust of his missions are highly classified. Suffice it to say if the world ends tomorrow, Verde will be the one low crawling through your front yard to steal your pork and beans from the garage shelf where you keep canned goods. Selah.

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