When my son was born, two new beings emerged at once: my little baby, along with a revamped version of myself. Here are some truths I learned in a single day after becoming a mother for the first time.

Motherhood is an instant clarifying agent. Within hours of pushing our son into the world, my brain reordered every single thing in my life by priority, with baby/family at the very top of the list. Work worries, socializing, what to cook for dinner…nearly everything faded into background noise as I focused almost entirely on the new little person in my life. There’s nothing like becoming a parent to get your priorities in order, pronto.

I should trust myself more. Like many first time moms-to-be, I had no clue what I was in for. Family, friends and strangers dumped metric tons of advice onto me. It was a lot of work separating the nuggets of wisdom (“No one will know and love your baby like you do, so never apologize for decisions you make in his best interest.”) from half thought out snippets based on old wives tales and labor horror stories (“Your husband will probably faint in the delivery room…he’s not used to seeing your lady bits in that light.” Or, “I had a 3^rd-degree tear with my first, which led to the bowel incontinence…be smart and request a C-section early.”) In the end, my body knew what to do during labor and my mind clicked into mommy mode automatically after the baby was here. My husband and I agree that our birth experience was awesome because we listened to ourselves and trusted our guts. And no, he didn’t faint in the delivery room and my bowels are still intact, thankyouverymuch.

I’ll never compare having pets to having kids again. Ever. We have two adorable Chihuahuas, Bella and DJ. They’re even-tempered, friendly little pooches with tons of personality and they’ve brought us a great deal of joy over the years. Up until the birth of our son, we referred to the pups as our kids and lavished a wealth of attention and affection on them. But we fell into a depthless well of love the moment David came into the world; what we feel for our pets is absolutely minute by comparison. Now I get why my friends who were already parents would sometimes roll their eyes when pre-baby me talked about our “dogs kids” with the fondness usually reserved for human kids.

Time and the outside world melt away when you have a newborn. As if I were living in some strange altered dimension, time vanished as soon as we brought our son home. What I thought was an hour spent trying to accomplish a few very simple tasks (feed the baby, change his diaper, fold a basket of laundry, load the dishwasher) would suddenly stretch into a marathon of busy-ness. When I’d glance at my phone, two or three hours would have slipped by. I saw pretty quickly that I needed to focus on one task at a time, instead of trying to do 4 different things at once. At least until I earned my champion multitasking mama badge.

Boundaries are really important. I can’t overstate this one, and it’s important to establish them early. We weren’t as clear as we thought we were about some of boundaries (who could and couldn’t come to the hospital to visit immediately after our son was born, how often we could handle guests dropping by after we came home, reasons we wouldn’t let smokers hold our newborn, how often we’d post about our baby on social media, etc.) The lack of clear boundaries led to some frustration and hurt feelings–the last thing we needed to deal with as we transitioned into life with a new baby. I also wasn’t prepared for the fierce, mama bear protectiveness that bloomed inside me once our little guy got here.

Here are a few extras, little bits of “Aha!” that I’ve picked up early into parenthood.

-Wait…don’t pack up those maternity clothes just yet. I felt (and probably looked) most comfortable in my maternity duds for several weeks after delivering our baby. It took 9 or 10 months to grow your belly (and butt and hips, et cetera); it won’t magically melt away the moment you walk out of the hospital.

-Once baby is home, you’ve bonded and you’re feeling ready to venture out into the world, know this: it will take you longer than your ever thought possible to leave the house. I started adding an extra hour onto the timeframe of my pre-baby get out of the house routine.

-ALWAYS keep a wipe over your son’s privates during diaper changes. The few times I tried to skip this step, that’s when my precious baby boy sprayed me like a hose.

-In the first few weeks, I’d forgo precious hours of sleep in the dead of night so I could stay awake and watch my son breathe. I called the pediatrician countless times with any number of questions after confusing myself by reading dozens of baby health articles online. I pumped breast milk every 3 hours nearly around the clock for weeks, to build up a supply for David to drink after I returned to work. On one busy, sleep-deprived day I realized: I was doing everything I possibly could to make sure he was safe, warm, fed and loved. Once I gave myself credit for being the best mom I could each day for my son, I was able to relax into motherhood and enjoy our new life together.

What did you learn soon after becoming a parent for the first time? Is there anything you’d do differently or things you’d wish you’d known ahead of time?             

If you have basketball fans in your home, chances are good you are hearing a lot about March Madness. From the constant checking of brackets and games to the loud cheers and heart-tugging sighs of your family members, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement.

As it turns out, March Madness is about a lot more than basketball, though. In fact, the annual college basketball tournament offers plenty of life lessons that moms can use to inspire their kids. With this in mind, let’s take a closer look at the wisdom that can be gleaned from the tourney.

March Madness 101

Commonly referred to as The Big Dance, March Madness is the annual NCAA Men’s Division Basketball tournament. It starts off with 68 of the best college basketball teams and culminates in a final game that determines the best college team of the year. The DIG is a great resource for those of you who aren’t as familiar with March Madness’s lingo, brackets and rules.

Once you get a reasonable handle on just what all of the excitement is about, consider the following life lessons that March Madness presents:

You Will Use Math Outside of School

Moms everywhere are sure to love this lesson; after all, how many times have you endured the endless whining from your kids about why they have to learn math when they will never ever use it in the real world. This is your chance to point out that understanding all of the brackets, statistics and odds require some good old-fashioned math knowledge. So, yes, you can tell your kids that math is important. And yes, you will use it for the rest of your life.

Resilience Will Get You Far in Life

Odds and stats aside, not every team that is expected to win will advance to the next round. So, when an underdog pulls off a major upset — such as when No. 14 University of Alabama-Birmingham knocked off No. 3 Iowa State for what the Bleacher Report called “the first bracket-buster of the season” — use the game as an example for when your teen comes to you discouraged and unsure of him or herself. Remind your teen that people and teams can overcome all sorts of odds to beat the better team or overcome obstacles. These teams show that when they believe in themselves and their abilities, they can get the job done.

Life Doesn’t Always Give You a Second Chance

During March Madness, there are no do-overs, second chances or best 2-out-of-3s. If you win, you advance, and if you lose, you go home. As a mom, this is a tough but important life lesson to teach your kids because it will come up in their lives over and over again. So, when your teen is preparing for his or her college apps or getting ready for a first job interview, remind him or her to bring everything to the table because chances are good he or she may not get another shot.

That once-tiny child who used to cry when you left him at preschool is now an outgoing and independent 16-year-old who is ready to start — gulp — driving on his own. As most parents of young drivers know, teaching a child to drive is as much a rite of passage for the adult as the teen.

As a parent of a fledgling driver, you definitely walk a fine line. You want to emphasize the importance of safe, smart driving but also want to avoid the use of scary statistics that may just serve to alienate your teen. You don’t want your teen to ignore your great advice about driving because you peppered it with too many grim facts. Research the statistics for your own knowledge, and then use the underlying message behind these numbers to teach your teen to be a safe, courteous and responsible driver.

Create a Drive Solo Rule

The risk of being in a car accident is highest among 16- to 19-year-olds, according to the CDC. In fact, they are three times more likely as people 20 and over to be in a motor vehicle crash. While males are twice as likely as females to be involved in an accident when they are 16 to 19, those with teenage passengers in the car are also at an increased risk. Some things are out of your control, but you can dictate how many people can be in the car with your teenage driver.

For the first few months your teen has his license, do not allow him to drive other teen passengers. After six months or so, you might allow one trusted friend to ride in the car too. This rule will eliminate the distraction present with a car full of rowdy teens.

Create a No Texting Rule

Do not text and drive — either of you.

Like most teens, your kid always has a phone in his hands. Texting while steering a two-ton steel machine down the road though… that’s a big no-no.

Texting and Driving Safety has created a thought-provoking infographic. Thirty-four percent of teens say they have texted while behind the wheel. As for why they do it — in some cases, it’s because they’ve seen their folks do it too. Fifteen percent of teens have seen a parent text and drive and 27 percent of adults have sent or received texts while behind the wheel. To reduce the chance of your teen texting while driving, be a good role model. In addition, you might consider installing a dash cam in the car, at least for the first year. And have your teen sign a contract that he will keep both thumbs on the wheel, not the phone.

Study (or Brush Up on) the Road Rules

Refresh your memory on road rules while helping your teen study for the driver’s permit test. In addition to helping your teen increase his chances of passing, it will also help to refresh your own memory on the rules of the road. A whopping 72 percent of teens fail their driving test the first time, according to Driving-Tests.org. Increase your teen’s chance of passing and encourage him to take practice exams, and read through the questions. The practice will boost your own knowledge and skills too.

This report, along with mounting research, makes a case that exposure to images in media and pop culture is creating a mental health crisis, as is evidenced by the steady increase in depression, low self-esteem and eating disorders in our children.

How can parents protect their kids in a hyper-sexualized culture? What’s the impact on children and their families? Are there best practices that parents can learn to open the lines of communication and talk to their kids about sexuality?

PARENTING IN AN OVER-SEXUALIZED WORLD is the next topic being presented at the RVA Parents Forum Series on Tuesday, February 10, 2015 at 6 p.m. at the Children’s Museum of Richmond- Short Pump location.

Dr. Rosalie Corona, an Associate Professor of Psychology at VCU, Brantley Holmes, Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner with Henrico County Department of Health,  and Michelle Johnston, Commonwealth Parenting Educator, will address how to talk to your kids about sex in a non-judgmental, realistic manner.

“The key is open communication with your kids. Research indicates that teens who report having good conversations with their parents about sex are more likely to delay sexual activity,”said Liz Pearce, Director of Parent Engagement at Commonwealth Parenting and the Children’s Museum of Richmond.

Parenting in an Over-Sexualized World 
The Children’s Museum of Richmond-Short Pump,
2200 Old Brick Road, Glen Allen, VA 23060

$30 per class/ per person. Cost includes dinner, class, parenting experts, and interactive Q&A session. Babysitting is available, online registration and reservations required.

Over 1 million children will see their parents divorce this year, and 50% will experience this life-changing event before turning 18.  At any age, the break up of their parents can leave kids feeling sad, angry, and deeply hurt. Often, the rippling effects of the split can impact the entire family.

How can parents provide emotional stability and guidance through this difficult transition? What are the best ways to co-parent through the adjustment to ensure healthy relationships with both parents? How can custody matters be resolved in the best interest of the entire family?

Divorce: The Rippling Effect is being presented at the RVA Parents Forum Series on Tuesday, January 13, 2015 at 6 p.m. at the Children’s Museum of Richmond- Short Pump location.

The panel of speakers includes:

Jill A.F. Gasper, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist, specializing in working with children, adolescents, and families of divorce. Dr. Gasper is also trained in the collaborative divorce model, serving as a Child Specialist and Divorce Coach.

Lynne B. Einhaus, Ph.D., Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Collaborative Divorce Coach.

Julie Cillo, Family Law Attorney with Hall & Hall and Fellow with the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
This session will cover:

• How parents can provide emotional stabilty to their children
• What steps parents can take to guide children through a difficult transition
• Tips to ensure healthy relationships with both parents
• Co-parenting success stories

$30 per person includes dinner, class, parenting experts and an interactive Q&A session. Babysitting is included, reservations required. All seminars and workshops operate on a sliding fee scale basis. Scholarships and discounts are available. Please inquire.

Register for the seminar here

The RVA Parents Forum Series is held the second Tuesday of each month at 6:00 p.m. at the Children’s Museum of Richmond-Short Pump location, 2200 Old Brick Road, Glen Allen, VA 23060.  The 6-part series kicked off October 14, 2014 and will run through April 14, 2015. Cost is $30 and includes dinner, class, parenting experts, and interactive Q&A session. Babysitting is available, reservations required. Please call 804-545-1272.

Children require structure and routine to feel safe, build character, and promote responsible behavior. Although the benefits of structure cannot be denied, is there such a thing as too much structure?  Should there be a limit on the number of extracurricular activities a child should participate in?

Children should be encouraged to try new activities and ideas.  Mastering a new activity creates self-confidence, and boost self-perception.  If this is true then structured activities should be a great idea.  When we over schedule children in structured activities we limit their autonomy in creating ideas, problem solving, and making decisions. We also reduce their ability to initiate tasks independently. These are critical skills that children will need as they become adults.   The right balance of free time and structured activities helps to promote executive functioning skills.  Executive functioning skills may include planning, organizing, and creating solutions to problems.

What can parents do?

Assess the balance.  Does your child have an adequate balance between structured activities and free time? Does this balance include academics, time spent with family and friends (outside of the structured activity), free and structured time?

Listen to your child.  Listen to the concerns your child may raise about things that are going well with the structured activity as well as any dislikes. It may be time to reassess the balance particularly if their interest has waned or other areas are falling behind.

Make room for down time or free time.  This is important in fostering creativity and may reduce the “I’m bored,” conversation over time. As the child has free time, he or she has to make decisions about how to spend that time. Hobbies and special interest may generate from this time.

Priscilla Wright is a licensed professional counselor practicing at Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc. located in Midlothian, Virginia. Ms. Wright holds a master’s degree in Counselor Education and is currently completing a doctorate in Counseling Psychology. Ms. Wright is also a National Certified Counselor. AtCommonwealth Behavioral Health Inc., Ms. Wright works with children, adolescents, and adults on issues to include stress management, co-parenting, as well as anxiety and mood disorders. Ms. Wright believes in a holistic (looking at the person as a whole) approach to practice. Ms. Wright’s research interest includes topics on intellectual disabilities, stress management, and topics regarding family systems.

However, my 8-year-old son loves video games, and moreover, he loves to share his joy, which means I’ve had to find something I’m halfway decent at before I’m relegated to the hopeless or even worse, the opponent when he feels like an easy win.

The first one I’ve managed to pull off is Madden Football. We play on the same team (Go Giants!), which means I can hang out as player two and actually help without having to learn how to point and throw. Plus, the power move is basically shaking the remote (at least on the Wii/Wii U) and with the stress of trying to make a first down, I’m already doing that!

Clash of Clans screenshot. They’re currently raising money for AIDS through RED, which also prompted some great discussion.

The second game is Clash of Clans (for mobile devices). I initially joined because it is my son’s first online multiplayer game, which means he can connect, chat and team up with anyone, anywhere in the world, and I wanted to monitor with whom he interacted. But after a few days, I was all in — building my village, attacking other villages, and joining my son’s clan that eventually included five other family members (the family that plays together, stays together with giants and barbarians to defend them). I enjoy the game so much I surprised my son by accruing more trophies than him. I may have even surprised myself.

While I’d still rather watch a movie than play a video game (thank goodness for kid #2), I am glad I found some common video game ground. Now, when he says, “I upgraded my gold storage and got ten gems!” I can respond “Me, too!” rather than “What are you talking about?” I think that’s good for both of us.

PS. Do you play video games with your kids? What games do you play together?

PPS. With the holidays upon us, these also make great gifts. My son got an iTunes gift card towards Clash of Clans and loved it! (The game is free but there are some things you can buy in the game to make your village stronger.)

Staying dry at night can be challenging for many reasons, including children’s bodies developing faster than their bladder, making excessive urine at night, or even that they sleep so soundly that they do not awake to realize they need to urinate. Click here for other reasons for bedwetting.

Children who wake up with wet beds may also show signs of decreased self-esteem. Add extra loads of laundry into the mix, and bedwetting can be frustrating for both child and parent.

Strategies to assist* with bedwetting include:

• ensure your child (and other family members if they are aware of the situation) understand that bedwetting is not their fault
• restrict liquids before bed time
• encourage your child to go to the bathroom right before bedtime
• consider waking your child up 1-2 hours after falling asleep for a quick trip to the bathroom

If these strategies are not effective after 1-3 months, you may want to consider a bedwetting alarm or medication. Alarms sense the first sign of urine and help your child know that it is time to head to the bathroom. Medication may also be prescribed by your doctor, that when combined with other strategies, could help your child be successful in starting their day off with a dry bed.

A variety of barrier protection is available, including child sized briefs, and waterproof mattress liners. Buying these products in bulk online can mean significant savings. It can also offer a more discrete shopping experience for your child, rather than being embarrassed by the box of briefs in your shopping cart at your favorite big box store. Additionally, some supplies may be covered by your Flexible Spending Plan, with a doctor’s authorization.

A positive approach to handling this issue is most helpful. And the good news is that most children outgrow bedwetting. If your family has experienced this situation, feel free to share strategies that helped your child in the comments below.

*Every child and situation is different. Please consult with your child’s doctor for strategies and treatments most appropriate for your child.

For 20 minutes, we ran around, but even I felt spacey between reaching the end of the week and the beginning of another allergy season. As I sat down at a picnic table next to the playground, my daughter climbed into my lap and said, “I’m so tired, Mama.”

Well, there were no couches and it was too warm to sit in the car so we sprawled out on the picnic bench, and I let her amuse herself with the iPad while we waited for my husband to pick her up and bring her home.

There was nothing wrong with my series of parenting decisions: 10 hours after my 5-year-old woke up, she was tired and wanted to chill out like many adults and children need. But as car after car drove by in the busy parking lot, I envisioned the quick click of a smartphone to capture my daughter and me sitting right next to a playground playing on an iPad, and the driver vilifying us all over social media with the caption: This is what’s wrong with America.

And I thought: Maybe what’s wrong with America is a snapshot is assumed to capture the entire picture.

The teenaged years are marred with questions like: Who can I be? Who am I?  Do I fit in? The quest for answers may result in parental conflict as the teen moves toward  independence. Teenagers are also facing a series of cognitive, physiological, and social changes. Due to the changes that they are experiencing, teens may become irritable, angry, and even sad at times.  It is important to know the difference between sadness and depression.  Sadly, most teens that are depressed will not get helps as their symptoms maybe over looked.

Depression in Teens may look differently than in adults. Teens may experience:

• Aches and pains that are not medically related.
• Irritability
• Low to no motivation
• Fatigue
• Poor concentration
• Hopelessness
• Sadness
• Thoughts of death or dying
• Joking about death
• Poor eating and sleeping habits
• Withdrawn

Parents Can:

• Encourage your teen to talk about his or her feelings and situations that are troubling to them. Try to avoid minimizing their issues. Avoid phrases like, “ It will not matter when you are out of high school anyway.”
• Listen to your child. Try to avoid questioning your child. Reframe from any conversation that could seem judgmental. He or she may just clam up and refuse to talk.
• Should your teen clam up or shut down, offer your support. Let them known your concerns and feelings. Consistently offer your support.

If theses symptoms are frequent, intense, impact the daily life of your teen, and are a change from their typical behavior, it maybe wise to seek help. Thoughts and statements of suicide should be taken seriously. Should you feel that your teen is at risk for committing suicide call 911 immediately or visit your local hospital’s emergency department.

Priscilla Wright is a licensed professional counselor practicing at Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc. located in Midlothian, Virginia. Ms. Wright holds a master’s degree in Counselor Education and is currently completing a doctorate in Counseling Psychology. Ms. Wright is also a National Certified Counselor. At Commonwealth Behavioral Health Inc., Ms. Wright works with children, adolescents, and adults on issues to include stress management, co-parenting, as well as anxiety and mood disorders. Ms. Wright believes in a holistic (looking at the person as a whole) approach to practice. Ms. Wright’s research interest includes topics on intellectual disabilities, stress management, and topics regarding family systems.