A collection of our free-with-meal toys, headed for the recycling bin.

Toys.  I don’t even know where to begin.  Seven years ago (i.e. before our daughter was born) we had zero toys.  Zero.

Now we have more.  A lot more. If it was up to the toys, the toys would be winning in our house.  Thank goodness I have low tolerance for clutter and sentimentality.

Over the years my feelings about toys have changed.  I used to think toys were fine and fun, and felt generally positive towards toys.  Now I think that most toys that can be bought just take up space, create waste and I feel agitated about them.

I always have to be vigilant about toys… playing with them, thanking people for them, culling them, throwing them out, donating them, reselling them.  I always feel like I might get hit by a toy tsunami, or a toy tornado.

Toys, leave me alone!

In reading up on the ‘toy problem’, I learned that the United States has 3.1% of the world’s children and 40% of the world’s toys.  It does seem like, in the U.S. at least, we are letting the toys win.  To boot, the toys (and all the other clutter) are distracting us from things that really matter in life (i.e., not toys) and are stressing us out and perhaps making us sick.

Perhaps I should rephrase:  Toys, leave US alone!

I want to get angry at the people who make the toys, and sell the toys, and resell the used toys, and market the toys to my kids any way they can.  However, while I feel they should make more ethical decisions and they do share in the blame, they are just doing what business people have always done.  Try to make a buck.

Then I want to get angry at society.  After all, we as a collective group are buying the toys that the makers/marketers/sellers/resellers are peddling.  We are perpetuating that more toys is better, that ownership and possession are important.  Yes, society is to blame.

But the journey of a thousand steps begins with just one.  The only way society will change is by individuals deciding to change, one by one.  And the only way manufacturers will change is through the laws of supply and demand.  If we demand less, they will supply less.

So the change starts with me.

I vow to do a better job at giving non-toy gifts.

I have started ordering non-toy-containing food for our kids at restaurants or requesting that the toy be left out.

I re-gift many toys gifted to our kids that I know they won’t play with or value.

Toys:  Hear me now.  You will not win.

No Boy Should Ever Be Bullied For Liking A “Girl” Toy

Let me just start off by saying I know that I do not believe that toys, characters, activities or colors are inherently “girl” or “boy.”  However, in our society, it does seem like we have gender-ized many things so when I say “girl things” or “boy things”, what I mean is, those things that our society has basically assigned those attributes to in an unfair, stereotypical fashion.  For example, our society says these are boy thing:  weapons, fighting, sports, military stuff, cars, and blue; and these things are girl things:  fairies, princesses, dancing, and pink.

I say:  bologna.  These stereotypes are literally making kids sick.  I mean, what mother of a son who’s shown any interest in “girl things” wasn’t terrified about the recent story about an eleven-year-old boy (eleven!!) who tried to hang himself after being relentlessly bullied because he likes My Little Ponies?  

Now that I have a son, who’s three, I feel more attuned to these things.  It seems more “ok” in society for girls to like “boy things” than for boys to like “girl things.”  Which is really a shame.  While society pushes my daughter towards girly things, hardly anybody bats an eye if my daughter plays with cars, wants to watch Transformers, or dresses up like a pirate.  However, if my 3-year-old son even so much as paints one fingernail, somebody will say, “You don’t want to wear nail polish do you?  That stuff’s for girls!”

I try to give both my children the freedom to try and enjoy whatever they are drawn to.  If my son wants to paint his nails, I let him.  I love the fact that one of his favorite memories of going to Disney World was the lunch with the princesses.  I happily play Monster Trucks and Princesses with him on the floor.  When we went to the Dollar Store the other day, I helped him get his ‘bag’ ready, which was his sister’s glittery cat purse.

At the same time, while I think these things shouldn’t matter, and others’ opinions shouldn’t matter, I want to protect him.  I find myself, instead of painting his fingernails, trying to persuade him to just paint his toes (so nobody will comment about his painted nails.)  When he had the glittery kitty bag, I had mentally prepared retorts to any snide remarks from strangers (which thankfully never came).  I will always love him no matter what, but I know that comments from others could make him doubt his love for himself.

Because unlike the old “sticks and stones” saying, words CAN hurt.  Badly, and for a long time.

A few weeks ago we went to Subway for dinner.  There was one family ahead of us.  The Subway checkout person asked the little boy which bag he wanted for his meal, and showed him several with pictures from the movie Frozen.  His dad said, “He better not pick the girly one.”  The little boy promptly chose the one with Princess Elsa on it.  His dad said, “Of course!” as if it were the most embarassing thing ever.  The Subway guy said, “I guess he likes girls already!” and the dad said, “Well, if you look at it like that, I guess it’s ok.”

Kudos to that kid for getting what he wanted despite the negativity of his father, and shame on that dad for not supporting his kid to get a stinkin’ bag with a picture of a girl on it.

So I find myself asking….  how can we combat this?  What can I do?  I have found inspiration in a fellow mom that I have seen several times with her son at a museum we go to a lot.  She is always with her little boy, who is always wearing the most beautiful princess gown from the dress-up box.  I imagine that she’s got those retorts prepared as well, but her love and support of her son prevails.

Perhaps until there are no more “girl things” and “boy things” and societal pressure to fit into one box or another, that’s what parents can do.  Moms and dads can get on the same page about the messages they send their kids (like the dad in Subway).  Teach our kids to follow their heart, to always be kind, and that everybody likes different things and that’s ok.  Sadly we might also have to teach them that some people will say mean things to them, and to be prepared for that.  But ultimately, teach them – and model ourselves – how to be brave and let love prevail.

This past October, The Goddard School asked that question to the experts- kids.

During the 6th Annual Toy Test, kids of all ages at 38 Goddard School locations (including the Ashland location) put a wide variety of toys to the test and voted for their favorites.  After the top 10 toys were picked, they were further voted on using Facebook and Twitter to determine the toy of the year.  After the toy test, 100 toys were donated to Toys for Tots, a program run by the United States Marine Corps Reserve.

Without further ado, here are the top ten:

1. Tobbles Neo by Fat Brain Toys (Suggested Age Range: 6+ Months)

2. Go Go Friends Lady Bug by Chicco USA, Inc. (Suggested Age Range: 9+ Months)

3. Musical Owl by ALEX Toys, LLC (Suggested Age Range: 18+ Months)

4. Green Toys Rocket by Green Toys (Suggested Age Range: 2+ Years)

5. Tinker Toy 100-Piece Essentials Set by K’NEX (Suggested Age Range: 3+ Years)

6.  Squigz: Fun Little Suckers by Fat Brain Toys (Suggested Age Range: 3+ Years)

7. 100-Piece Building Block Set – Hot Colors by Citiblocs (Suggested Age Range: 3+ Years)

8.  Super WHY! ABC Letter Game by University Games (Suggested Age Range: 3+ Years)

9.  Kinetic Sand by WABA Fun LLC (Suggested Age Range: 3+ Years)

10.  Stack Up! by Peaceable Kingdom (Suggested Age Range: 3-5 Years)

Top Toy of the Year: Tobbles Neo by Fat Brain Toys

Thanks to the Goddard School for doing arduous work of testing for all these toys!
We’ll be checking back next year for the 2014 list!