The loss of a child through miscarriage can be a difficult and emotional experience. Even in the early weeks of pregnancy, many women develop a strong bond with their unborn child and feel a deep sense of loss when miscarriage occurs.

Common responses include shock or denial, disappointment or anger, helplessness or perceived loss of control, sense of failure, feelings of inadequacy, guilt or self-blame, sadness or fear. Everyone responds in a different way to the grief process. There are no “shoulds” or “right” ways to feel. Keep in mind that whatever your feelings, it is important to be gentle with yourself. Although there are many ways to lessen the pain, the only thing that truly diminishes grief is time. Some women will move through this loss freely, while for others, it will take far longer.

During your recovery, it is important to eat properly, get plenty of rest, exercise – and most importantly, do not be afraid to ask for what you need.  Reach out to others and request help; allow friends to make meals, watch other children or help with household duties.

When you feel ready, talk about your experience. You may be surprised how many other women can offer their love and support because they have been down this road too. Although it does not ease your grief, miscarriage occurs in 10 to 20 percent of pregnancies making it a very difficult common experience. However, be prepared that when you talk about your experience, you may also encounter some misunderstanding. Many people who have not experienced a miscarriage consider it the end of a pregnancy rather than the loss of a child. They may question your grief or suggest that you keep busy and forget about your loss. Be assured that your grief is real and allow your tears to flow. In time, with love and support, your pain will subside, but the loss will always be a part of your life.

It is likely that you will not want to be around other pregnant women or that you will be unable to attend a friend or relative’s baby shower. This is a very natural reaction and does not indicate jealousy or selfishness on your part. It is important to honor these feelings and to be honest with others about them; they will understand.

Some women find it helpful to honor the existence of their baby by giving their baby a name and participating in a funeral or ritual to mark the loss. In addition, prepare yourself for future dates, such as your unborn baby’s due date and subsequent anniversaries. These dates will likely have a place in your heart for years to come.

One issue that exacerbates this loss is that there are not always explanations for miscarriage. While it is important to ask your health care provider if there is an explanation, understand that often there is no specific medical problem.

Given the many hormonal changes, you may experience mood swings, fatigue, irritability, heart palpitations, poor appetite and a desire to withdraw from social activities. All of these symptoms are normal and will gradually diminish. However, if you find these symptoms to be persistent or severe, call your health care provider immediately.

Physical Healing After a Miscarriage

Physically, it may take several weeks or months for your body to return to normal. In the beginning, you may notice spotting or light vaginal bleeding, mild cramping, nausea and fullness in your abdomen and breasts.

To help prevent infection, use sanitary napkins instead of tampons and avoid sexual intercourse until your bleeding stops. Call your health care provider immediately if:

• You have a fever of 100 degrees or more
• Bleeding increases significantly or lasts more than several weeks
• Bleeding changes color to bright red
• You experience pelvic pain or unusual cramping
• Your vaginal discharge appears yellow, green or has a bad odor

Planning for the Future

If you are considering becoming pregnant in the future, discuss your risks and options with your health care provider. Every situation is unique, but in most cases, the chances of suffering another loss are not significantly increased unless you have had three or more miscarriages. Whatever you decide, remember to give yourself ample time to recover physically and emotionally from your miscarriage before making the decision to get pregnant.

Subsequent pregnancies may create a number of psychological issues, including anxiety about possible recurrent miscarriages and the fear of not being able to have children. Anxiety will be greatest up until the time that the first miscarriage occurred. It is understandable that you would experience this type of response. In order to cope, stay in the here-and-now and focus on being pregnant again and not what could possibly happen.

Additional Resources

If you want more structured, formal help, you may wish to pursue counseling at Virginia Women’s Center with one of our two psychologists: Dr. Lisa Cuseo-Ott or Dr. Mary Polce-Lynch. There are also many support organizations and groups in the Greater Richmond area that you may find helpful, including:

• Compassionate Friends
  • www.compassionatefriends.org or 804.254.0588
• Family Extended
  • www.familyextended.org
• Full Circle Grief Center
  • www.fullcirclegriefcenter.org or 804.357.5924
• M.I.S.S. Foundation
  • www.missfoundation.org or 800.726.4322
• Bliley’s Internment of Angels
  • Bliley Funeral Home offers monthly funeral services for families who have experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth. The services are at no cost to you and close family and friends are welcome to attend. To learn more, call Bliley’s at 804.355.3800.

About Virginia Women’s Center

At Virginia Women’s Center, we value the complete health of women. As researchers continue to identify the significant relationship between physical and mental health, Virginia Women’s Center has emerged as a leader in innovative health care for women by providing psychological counseling services to our patients since 2005. For more information, visit www.VirginiaWomensCenter.com, or find us on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter.

Virginia Women’s Center is a sponsor of Richmondmom.com

• If you are under 35 and have not become pregnant after one year of having regular sexual intercourse without birth control
• If you are over 35 and have not become pregnant after six months of having regular sexual intercourse without birth control
• If your periods are not regular
• If you or your partner has a known fertility problem

Learn more about infertility here: http://www.virginiawomenscenter.com/blog/obstetrics/infertility-causes-and-when-to-see-your-ob-gyn/

While there is no guarantee that preterm labor can be prevented, there are some changes you can make to have a healthy pregnancy and reduce your risk of having a premature baby:

• Quit smoking, drinking alcohol or using street drugs.
• Talk to your health care provider about how much weight you should gain during pregnancy and do your best to get to a healthy weight before you get pregnant.
• Talk to your health care provider and come up with a plan to manage any chronic conditions you have.
• Make your first prenatal appointment when you find out you are pregnant. Go to all of your prenatal appointments, even if you are feeling well. Prenatal care helps your health care provider make sure you and your baby are healthy.
• Eat a healthy diet, exercise and take prenatal vitamins.
• Reduce your stress; ask for help from family and friends.
• Protect yourself from infections.
• Know the signs of preterm labor and alert your health care provider if you’re experiencing them.
• Talk to your health care provider about how long you should wait before having your next baby.

While it’s not as dreaded as the birds and the bees talk, talking to daughters about periods is not usually high on the list of parenting milestones that moms look forward to. Take a deep breath and read through these tips to help prepare you for this exciting time in your daughter’s development. 

While the exact timing depends on your child and your family culture, it’s important that you start talking about puberty and menstruation before your daughter begins her period. You’re likely to see other signs of puberty – developing breasts, pubic hair and/or vaginal discharge – appear before her period. When you start noticing these changes, it is time for you to bring up the subject if you haven’t already.

On the other hand, many girls begin asking questions at a fairly young age. If your daughter asks questions, be open, honest and age-appropriate.  Start fairly generic and add more details as she gets older. Try having many smaller conversations instead one tell-all session. If your daughter is resistant, don’t force the subject that day, but don’t give up! Having honest and encouraging conversations with your daughter can help pave the way for open communication down the road.

On average, girls will start their menstrual cycles between the ages of 11 and 13. However, some can start as early as eight or as late as 16. While it is important to provide accurate biological information about what happens in her body (diagrams are helpful!), your daughter will likely be more interested in the practical side.

Many girls are anxious or frightened about their periods. Some may come with several questions, but others may be afraid to ask them. Ask what your daughter has heard and correct any misinformation. Assure her, empower her and provide practical tips so she knows what to expect. Some common concerns are:

• What if I get my period when I’m at school? Be proactive. Suggest she carry supplies with her in her purse or backpack or keep them in her school locker.
• How do I use a pad/tampon? Explain how to use and the difference between pads, tampons and panty liners. Provide several options so she can choose what she is most comfortable using. Empowering her to make her own decision, rather than trying to impose your own bias, helps her feel like the woman she is. No matter her choice, stress the importance of changing pads and tampons every three to four hours.
• Am I normal? Assure her that there is no normal and what she is experiencing may be different from her best friend. There is a wide range of ages when girls can start their periods and not all periods are the same. It may take several months for her cycles to become regular.
• Will it hurt? Assure her that it will not hurt, but that some women do experience symptoms like cramps. Most of the symptoms can be eased with over-the-counter medicines or heating pads. Learn more about menstrual cramps and other PMS symptoms.
• Will I gush blood? Most girls will only have light spotting for their first periods.
• Will everyone know I’m on my period? Make sure she knows that pads and tampons are not visible through clothes. She will be the only one who knows that she’s on her period.

Most of all be positive, open and encouraging. Let your daughter know that being a female is a blessing, not a curse, and that this is an exciting milestone and not a reason to feel ashamed or upset. Enjoy the time you can spend together and encourage her to come to you with any questions. Let her know that you are here for her, no matter what. How you embrace and lead her through this transition will lay the groundwork for how she feels about her body, health and femininity.

Additional Resources:

• Your first visit to the OB-GYN

Be sure and visit Richmondmom.com each week to see our Weekly Health Tips from Virginia Women’s Center too!

About Virginia Women’s Center
Virginia Women’s Center is a full-service women’s health care provider specializing in obstetrics, gynecology, urology, high-risk obstetrics, obstetrical genetic counseling, ultrasound, in-office procedures, mammography, bone health, psychology, nutrition and clinical research. The practice sees patients in four locations in the Richmond area and has additional offices in Kilmarnock and Tappahannock. For more information, visit www.VirginiaWomensCenter.com, or find us on Facebook, Pinterest and Twitter.

Grief is the emotion we feel when we experience a loss. All deaths may be traumatic in some way, but a sudden death is always traumatic. Not only do we suffer with sadness, but our minds are reluctantly trying to integrate a new reality – one that is different from the way reality should be.

We also grieve when our loved one’s death was expected and we were able to say goodbye. We miss the person and their presence in our life, especially the times spent together such as holidays or birthdays.

The holiday season, in particular, can trigger the emotions of grief. Learn more about grief and ways to cope here:  http://www.virginiawomenscenter.com/services-psychology-grieving-and-ways-to-cope.html

Virginia Women’s Center is an advertiser on Richmondmom.com

Content provided by: Virginia Women’s Center

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Whether you’re a first-time mother-to-be or experienced in pregnancy, our team at Virginia Women’s Center will be with you every step of the way. We believe that children are among life’s greatest blessings and it is a privilege to help bring them into your family. Each pregnancy and birth is just as special and unique for our medical family as it is for yours – we are excited and honored to begin this journey with you.

Understanding that pregnancy can be a time of combined excitement, anxiety and confusion, we hope that this infographic will help you know what to expect during your third trimester.

Virginia Women’s Center is an advertiser on Richmondmom.com

April 29: Genetic Counseling

While the exact cause of preterm labor is often unknown, there are some risk factors that increase a woman’s chance of having preterm labor. However, it is important to remember that preterm labor can happen to anyone and many women who experience a premature birth have no known risk factors. Some of the risk factors include:

• Preterm labor or preterm birth in a previous pregnancy
• Being pregnant with multiples (twins, triplets or more)
• Certain problems with your uterus, cervix or placenta
• Having little or no prenatal care
• Smoking or drug use
• Abdominal surgery during this pregnancy
• Too much amniotic fluid
• Bleeding or infection while pregnant
• Being underweight or overweight

A preterm labor typically begins unexpectedly. The signs of preterm labor are often no different from regular labor, except that they happen before the 37^th week of pregnancy. If you experience any of the warning signs listed below before your 37^th week of pregnancy, call your doctor. Sometimes, preterm labor can be stopped. However, there are certain situations and complications that make an earlier delivery safer for the mother or baby. The warning signs for preterm labor include:

• Contractions, where your abdomen tightens like a fist, every 10 minutes or more often
• Change in vaginal discharge, such as a watery, mucus-like fluid leaking from the vagina, or bleeding
• Pelvic pressure; the feeling that your baby is pushing down
• Low, dull backache
• Cramps that feel like your period
• Abdominal cramps with or without diarrhea

Women who are at risk for preterm labor may be advised to take certain steps to prevent preterm birth. At Virginia Women’s Center, we have three maternal-fetal medicine specialists who collaborate with our OB-GYNs in the care of high-risk pregnancies. Read this blog post to learn more about our maternal-fetal medicine specialists and the care they provide to women who are experiencing high-risk pregnancies.

Virginia Women’s Center is an advertiser on Richmondmom.com