My 3 youngest grandchildren on an outing with me.
Grandparenting can be a challenging role depending on how you and your grown children view child-rearing responsibilities. Some grown children raise children the way they were raised, while others veer in a totally different direction. The best part of grandparenting is that you play so many roles that can help shape and influence a child’s life. Grandparents are caregivers, historians, teachers, and best of all – BEST friends most of the time.
Remembering that the parents make the rules and set the guidelines for discipline is essential for grandparents. Other than that, it’s pretty simple to be the kind of grandparent that grandchildren love — and grown children love to have around. (Okay, it’s not that simple but I like to think so at times).
Here are some tips for new or seasoned grandparents who may be trying to decide how to be a better grandparent:
- Remember that each grandchild is different and do not play favorites. We know this as parents, and it is just as important as grandparents.
- Give each grandchild a little individual one-on-one time to encourage bonding, friendship, trust, and a sense of being special. There are times when you may have all grandchildren or more than one at the same time, but making time for one-on-one time is important.
- Be a good friend to grandchildren by listening to what they have to say. This helps them share information that may be bothering them or that you can help them understand better. Good listening grandparents help boost a grandchild’s confidence too.
- Take advantage of what you hear by listening closely to the names of their friends, books they like, school subjects they enjoy, games they play, or anything else you can include in future conversations. This shows them that you truly do listen and care what they have to say.
- Be fair on holidays and especially birthdays. Give similar types of gifts or cards to each grandchild – their birthdays may be months apart, but they remember what a sibling received on his or her birthday. Everything doesn’t need to be exactly “even” – just fair in a child’s eyes.
- Read to your grandchildren whenever you get a chance. Start reading to them as soon as they are born and continue reading as long as they will allow. It teaches them to read, helps them learn, and demonstrates the importance of reading at any age. Mentoring grandchildren by reading is an incredible gift for both of you.
- In addition to reading, tell them stories of your childhood or events in the past. You are a historian for the child and as you tell them about things you have experienced, it sparks their imaginations and peaks their interest in many things. It also helps create a strong bond and creates a string of events from your childhood, their parent’s childhood, and now their own lives. Continuity in life is important to children.
- Spend time with grandchildren when you don’t “have to”. Some grandparents only visit grandchildren when they are “babysitting” or for a scheduled vacation if they live far away. But try to visit with them often just to chat, play, and visit. If you live a long distance away, visit by phone and talk with them frequently to build a strong bond and let them know you care.
The biggest thing you can do as a grandparent is to just love your grandchildren unconditionally. They are a gift and time with them is precious. Don’t allow time to pass by without creating a connection and bond with grandchildren that lasts for a lifetime. When you are no longer here with them, the memories you created together will be handed down for generations to come — and the life cycle continues. I cherish the memories I have of time spent and secrets shared with my own grandmother.
For me, grandparenting is one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced in life. I may not always be the best grandparent, but it is not from lack of trying! One day when my own daughters become grandparents, they will understand how special grandchildren really are.
Then, and only then, will they know the joys of being a grandparent.
