As told by Richmond Mom Tara Gray
I want to share some tips, advice for marriage–the second time around.
I had much more fun the second time I was married, it was a lot more relaxed and I did not feel the need to follow tradition. This gave me a sense of freedom from being so “by the book” or rigid.
I invited my creative side to the party, and thought out of the box. I did stay organized though by keeping a notebook from phone numbers to things I needed to do the morning of, and I kept that notebook when all of the wedding planning was over. It’s in my memory box with all the mementos from the day.
I would say first start with the obvious: a budget. With a second marriage, there are usually children
Tara Gray hit a home run the second time around.
involved, and it is important to involve them in the process. Even if it seems they are not excited about the wedding, we found it’s better to give them a “say” or a certain task. Truthfully, it is their wedding too.
I knew from the moment we chose the day; I wanted to include the kids and have a “family day” so to speak. We did not have a wedding party: everyone was off the hook. We really wanted it to be about us.
Our kids stood with us as we exchanged our own written vows.
I first began like any other bride, deciding on a location. This piece of advice will make sense to each couple: choose a good fit for your family. My husband and I met when I signed my oldest daughter up for softball; he was the coach. I was brainstorming for a location and the ball diamond in Richmond came to mind. I made a call and, long story short we had a location. We were married on homeplate before the Braves took the field.
I now had a theme to play off of. For our invitations I obviously did not have a need for invitations with ribbon, confetti or glitter. I had a great photo of the field I had taken from a year before, so I took it to Kinkos and made our invitations. This gave me freedom to write the invitation, which was also very budget-friendly.
I worded it something like “It is official…we are becoming a team.”
In keeping with cost-savings, I bought the flowers from a local florist the day before, off the floor and beautifully in-season. I had some ribbon added so it was a beautiful summer bouquet.
For the cake, when I ordered it I did not dare use the words “wedding cake.” We had a nice cake but again, we had to keep our budget in mind, and a traditional wedding cake wasn’t the focus.
Personalization is a way to make many unique additions to the day, whether it is small picture frames with baby photos of the two of you scattered around the reception area or some special surprises for the kids you sneak in. When you really have a grasp on who you are as family, you cannot go wrong.
We did have the opportunity to use the sound system at the diamond, so I burned a couple songs I wanted to include that day and played those songs before the ceremony and as I walked out. Wedding attire was simple; we did not rent or buy the usual wedding attire: I wore a summer skirt, and in keeping with the summer-feel of the day my husband and the kids were in khakis.
I let the kids choose the color shirt they wanted to wear; I did want to use the colors of the Braves at the time, and they did have a say, and it all just worked out. For the food, we ordered food from the Diamond. We did not ask our family “do you like chicken?” or any of the usual questions, we ordered what we enjoyed and knew it would all work out.
I think the best thing I learned as I planned was stick to a budget but allow yourself to take charge, knowing that every decision made together with the entire family in mind was the right decision for us.
My intent is that this really does help a bride to be with the very important role of mom, wife to be and inner-princess keeping in mind that this is no longer just her day! I’d love to know what you think—Tara Gray.
