With all due respect to the legions of parents – mine included – who have ever used the phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do,” to justify their own questionable behavior, I’m calling shenanigans.
After all, anyone who has ever heard the echo of a four-letter word reverberate from the angel mouth of a child after an inadvertent slip of the tongue knows full well that kids are entirely too shrewd for that crap. If anything, they’re going to do as we do, not as we say.
With that in mind, I try to model for my nearly three-year-old daughter the fundamental values that I hope will ultimately define her as a person. No easy feat for someone who admittedly has impulse control issues and a rather flimsy internal filter. And if there was ever a time and place for both to be tested, it was Election Day on Facebook.
On this day (and the days that preceded and followed it), my news feed was a live wire of political fervor. And interspersed among benign announcements of having voted and earnest attempts to get out the vote were a slew of disturbing sentiments.
I observed blanket stereotypes labeling conservatives as greedy, narrow-minded, and prejudiced, while liberals were tagged as lazy, unemployed, and entitled. I read glib, uninformed commentary on current issues, angry condemnations against entire subsets of Americans, and Chicken Little rhetoric about the impending demise of our nation. And I witnessed heated arguments and severed friendships.
Indeed, over the course of this presidential election, the vitriol on both sides grew increasingly tacky and tiresome, as individuals chose to turn their private ideologies into public spectacles. And through it all, I couldn’t help but wonder: When did personal politics cease to be… well, personal?
There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people:
Religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.
~Linus Van Pelt
I stayed out of it.
I no more felt the need to announce that I had voted than I would the fact that I brush my teeth every day. I didn’t encourage others to vote because I don’t feel it’s my place to do so. And I did not state for whom I voted because, frankly, it’s nobody’s damn business.
That said, I also didn’t question, mock, or insult – either individually or in general – the views of others, even when I felt they were uninformed and/or did not align with my own. I certainly saw no point in ridiculing either of the men whose patriotism and sense of public service instilled in them a desire to take on the thankless job of leading our nation during these troubled times. And in an effort to choke back bitter words of frustration and reproach, I hid from my news feed those who chose to publicly display their own ignorance and bigotry.
I stayed out of it because I value the democratic process and the right of everyone to vote without being persecuted for their beliefs; because I believe the office of the President of the United States of America commands respect, regardless of who occupies it and how his (or her) ideologies may differ from mine; and because I maintain a high regard for basic respect and civility, even when others do not.
Real Richmond mom and longtime friend, Julie Walker Joyner, was moved to express similar sentiments after an Election Day encounter that left her questioning the long-term effects of political intolerance. While waiting in line at WaWa, she said, an older gentleman chose to disparage one of the presidential candidates.
“But isn’t it amazing that we get to vote for our beliefs without persecution!” Julie said.
“You must be voting for the wrong one,” he replied.
“Do you suppose he taught his children that people who don’t share your beliefs are stupid?” she later asked. “Tolerance, respect, grace, humility, goodness, honor, courage – these are the characteristics that define the kind of person I want to model for my children.”
“Additionally, I believe it’s important to teach them to be respectful of people in positions of authority,” she continued. “Regardless of my beliefs, I am going to speak thoughtfully about the leaders of our country, state, and locality.”
In other words, should we not strive to inspire our children to do as we say and do as we do?
In my life, I’ve said and done things that do not make me proud. I’ve used bad judgment and made poor choices. I have, in fact, acted like a complete boob at times; similarly, I’ve engaged the likes of other boobs – always a futile endeavor.
Simply put, I haven’t always liked me.
Even in the wisdom and maturity that has accompanied age and motherhood, I still second-guess myself often. As a parent, do I walk the fine line between lenience and discipline? Do I handle conflict appropriately? What kind of example do my words and actions set? Am I a good role model?
As the drama of this year’s Election Day played out on Facebook, I took part in my first parent-teacher conference, during which I expressed these concerns.
“I think you’re doing fine,” my daughter’s teacher assured me. “Just this morning, Vivian told me that when she grows up, she wants to be just like her mommy.”
Caught off guard, I pondered this revelation. While touching in its sweetness and sincerity, I knew such a statement held underlying implications. And so I had to ask myself… am I someone I would want my daughter to emulate? Like so many things in life, the answer was hardly black and white.
Maybe not quite yet, I realized…
But I’m getting there.
