This is how I roll.
We often hear the phrase ‘work-life balance” as in, “I’m always striving to achieve a better work-life balance!” My interpretation, for parents, is that a mom (or dad) is trying to feel comfortable with how much time and attention is focused on work and how much is spent focused on the rest of their life. The reality is the balance many of us are trying to achieve is deeper and more complex than the words ‘work’ and ‘life’ can convey.
Here are the parts I’m trying to balance: having nurturing relationships with both kids, the relationship with my husband, our daughter going to new school (fundraisers, PTA, notes home, oh my!), son in new daycare class (show and tell, school fees, new teacher), extended family (time with them, expectations), friendships (when was the last time I talked to my BFF?), mail going in and out (e- and snail), our bank account, fitness, food and nutrition, celebrations (how long has that gift been sitting in my car waiting to get mailed?), neighbors and community involvement (I want to plan a get-together!), boss, co-workers, and work load. Among other things!
Somehow, the phrase “work-life balance” seems insufficient. Maybe it should be work-life-marriage-kids-friends-community balance! Or maybe it should be called “the process by which we strive to work less so we can do all that other stuff we have to do!”
In my life, I feel like I rarely strike a balance. There’s always something (or multiple things) that pop up and tip the scales, throwing me out of whack. Like last week, I really wanted to go with my 5-year-old daughter to her first hip hop dance class. But my boss had asked me to go to Fairfax to do a training, and there ain’t no way you’re getting home from Fairfax after a day-long training at a decent hour. So my husband took her to the dance class instead.
Or like yesterday, when my 5-year-old got her first early release, and we were both so excited when I picked her up from school and went home to hang out together while I worked from home. Then I opened the daily red folder. She got her first bad report from school, and we had to spend half the afternoon dealing with that.
I always find myself blaming my off-balance moments on work and think – geeze, if I could only work less and be home more. But clearly, it’s not always work that interferes. That may be a route I continue to explore, but the fact is I have a 40-hour job. I don’t have one of those jobs where they expect you to answer emails at midnight or work 60 hours a week. And the job is something I’ve worked many years to achieve and, despite some stress, I enjoy many pieces of it. And if I didn’t work we probably wouldn’t be able to afford extra things like that hip hop class!
Yin and yang. Give and take. Balance.
So what is balance? Does any parent truly have it? Do I have it? Maybe once a day for, like, 5 minutes. Like any state of being, it’s more a fleeting moment than a constant state. I think if any parent has it, even for a rare moment during the day or week, perhaps therein lies the sweet spot. And perhaps the real trick is not achieving balance or how far you can lean in, but how to not let anything about work or life knock you off your game.
About Mary Beth Cox