No Boy Should Ever Be Bullied For Liking A “Girl” Toy
Let me just start off by saying I know that I do not believe that toys, characters, activities or colors are inherently “girl” or “boy.” However, in our society, it does seem like we have gender-ized many things so when I say “girl things” or “boy things”, what I mean is, those things that our society has basically assigned those attributes to in an unfair, stereotypical fashion. For example, our society says these are boy thing: weapons, fighting, sports, military stuff, cars, and blue; and these things are girl things: fairies, princesses, dancing, and pink.
I say: bologna. These stereotypes are literally making kids sick. I mean, what mother of a son who’s shown any interest in “girl things” wasn’t terrified about the recent story about an eleven-year-old boy (eleven!!) who tried to hang himself after being relentlessly bullied because he likes My Little Ponies?
Now that I have a son, who’s three, I feel more attuned to these things. It seems more “ok” in society for girls to like “boy things” than for boys to like “girl things.” Which is really a shame. While society pushes my daughter towards girly things, hardly anybody bats an eye if my daughter plays with cars, wants to watch Transformers, or dresses up like a pirate. However, if my 3-year-old son even so much as paints one fingernail, somebody will say, “You don’t want to wear nail polish do you? That stuff’s for girls!”
I try to give both my children the freedom to try and enjoy whatever they are drawn to. If my son wants to paint his nails, I let him. I love the fact that one of his favorite memories of going to Disney World was the lunch with the princesses. I happily play Monster Trucks and Princesses with him on the floor. When we went to the Dollar Store the other day, I helped him get his ‘bag’ ready, which was his sister’s glittery cat purse.
At the same time, while I think these things shouldn’t matter, and others’ opinions shouldn’t matter, I want to protect him. I find myself, instead of painting his fingernails, trying to persuade him to just paint his toes (so nobody will comment about his painted nails.) When he had the glittery kitty bag, I had mentally prepared retorts to any snide remarks from strangers (which thankfully never came). I will always love him no matter what, but I know that comments from others could make him doubt his love for himself.
Because unlike the old “sticks and stones” saying, words CAN hurt. Badly, and for a long time.
A few weeks ago we went to Subway for dinner. There was one family ahead of us. The Subway checkout person asked the little boy which bag he wanted for his meal, and showed him several with pictures from the movie Frozen. His dad said, “He better not pick the girly one.” The little boy promptly chose the one with Princess Elsa on it. His dad said, “Of course!” as if it were the most embarassing thing ever. The Subway guy said, “I guess he likes girls already!” and the dad said, “Well, if you look at it like that, I guess it’s ok.”
Kudos to that kid for getting what he wanted despite the negativity of his father, and shame on that dad for not supporting his kid to get a stinkin’ bag with a picture of a girl on it.
So I find myself asking…. how can we combat this? What can I do? I have found inspiration in a fellow mom that I have seen several times with her son at a museum we go to a lot. She is always with her little boy, who is always wearing the most beautiful princess gown from the dress-up box. I imagine that she’s got those retorts prepared as well, but her love and support of her son prevails.
Perhaps until there are no more “girl things” and “boy things” and societal pressure to fit into one box or another, that’s what parents can do. Moms and dads can get on the same page about the messages they send their kids (like the dad in Subway). Teach our kids to follow their heart, to always be kind, and that everybody likes different things and that’s ok. Sadly we might also have to teach them that some people will say mean things to them, and to be prepared for that. But ultimately, teach them – and model ourselves – how to be brave and let love prevail.
About Mary Beth Cox