by Richmond Dad Dane Schwartz
Trust. How many people can you say that you honestly, whole heartedly, undeniably, truly trust? One, maybe two, if you’re lucky?
What about your children? What would they say? Would they say you? There is a time in every person’s life when they completely trust their parents. Pure. Simple. Trust. But does it last?
My daughter was recently diagnosed with Vesicoureteral Reflux (VUR), better known as Kidney Reflux. What is Kidney Reflux you ask? Wikipedia defines it as “an abnormal movement of urine from the bladder into ureters or kidneys. Urine normally travels from the kidneys via the ureters to the bladder. In vesicoureteral reflux the direction of urine flow is reversed (retrograde).”
Basically this means that urine moves from her kidneys to her bladder like normal but sometimes it goes from her bladder back into her kidneys. Think acid reflux in an adult; same concept.
So how did we discover she has this? The main indicator was multiple Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) that resulted in week-long fevers and many nights of lost sleep. But that wasn’t even the fun part.
To diagnose VUR they have to take x-rays of the kidneys and bladder. How do they do that with a child? They immobilize the child by strapping them down on a metal table that doubles as a medieval torture device. They shove a catheter in, fill the child’s bladder with liquid, let it drain and repeat for almost 45 minutes. It was not fun, especially not for her.
Standing there wearing 40 lbs of radiation protection gear, looking down at my baby with tears pouring out of her eyes while she stares up at my wife and I essentially begging for our help, was utterly terrible. Why? Because she trusts us. She knows that when she cries we will be there to rescue her; to save her.
But we couldn’t save her from this. It was a necessary procedure to diagnose and eventually fix a problem. Does she know that or even care? Hell no. Was she in true pain? That’s debatable, but she was definitely uncomfortable and not happy about it. Are there much worse things that she could and may have to endure? Undoubtedly.
One thing that I do know for sure, is as she grows there will be many, many, many more instances where she will need me and/or us. Can she trust that I will be there for her? I sure as hell am going to give it my best shot.
So I ask you this: how do you get your children to trust you, and more importantly, how do you maintain that trust? Will you always be “the one” your child trusts above everyone else? Maybe, but is that naïve? When is it appropriate to sacrifice that trust for “the greater good?”
Pure. Simple. Trust. OK, maybe it’s not so simple but it is pure, trust me.
