by Richmondmom Kate Semp
Not too long ago Dane Schwartz wrote a piece about expectations and more specifically the expectations we parents have of/for our children. Well, the post stuck with me and I started noticing more and more the conversations that are always gong on about expectations as parents.
As I have become a more experienced parent I find that I am able to give my kids more room to discover, be themselves, and set their own goals and expectations. Not to say I have lowered my expectations but that I try to set clear and age appropriate expectations and adjust appropriately for each child. But there is one area of parenting that I find I do a terrible job with regard to realistic expectations and that has to do with co-parenting.
I expect my husband to do his job and bring in enough money to provide for all of us. I expect my husband to pull his weight around the house. I expect him to be fully engaged with the kids and their lives, showing up to cheer them on at events, plays, dance, etc. And I expect him to be there for me 100% to listen to my frustrations, pick me up when I am down and let’s not forget the romance.
My husband expects me to run the house, manage everyone’s schedules and keep track of every aspect of the kids’ lives. He expects me to be tolerant of his schedule and to expect last minute changes as needed. When he travels he misses me and the kids and he expects me to understand that job related time away from the family doesn’t equate to peace and quiet. He expects me to be there for him 100% of the time. (Don’t worry I didn’t put words in his mouth, I asked him to write it down, and he didn’t see what I wrote!)
So much at the root of our struggles in our marriage is that we expect so much from each other. A great comment on one of my blog posts about Michael Chabon’s Essays ‘Manhood for Amateurs’ and reading an NPR interview with Chabon a light bulb went off and I realised how badly I have miscalculated parenting with my partner. Sometimes wanting something and knowing how to achieve it are not at all related.
