by Richmond mom Liz Pearce, Executive Director Commonwealth Parenting
Want to know a secret? Here … come closer, I have to whisper it in your ear. Are you listening? Okay, here’s the secret: I’m not perfect. And I’ll tell you another secret: No one else is either.
So, now you can stop wondering why everyone else’s kids are doing alright and yours aren’t. Those other families over there? The ones you eye enviously? They aren’t perfect. Nope. There. Isn’t your life complete now? It’s not? Well, are you looking for more? Are you waiting for me to tell you the magic bullet to make your children behave perfectly? Not gonna happen. Are you waiting for me to tell you how to be a perfect parent? Nope. Not gonna happen either.
But, I CAN share what’s worked for other parents like you. And I can share ideas that have worked for me. When you’re ready, I can help you find answers. And I can listen, and relate to you, because I’ve been there. With a toddler who screeches and stops every grocery cart in its tracks; In the hallway as a door is slammed and insults are hurled; In the car watching a child trudge off to a tough day; Hiding in the bathroom reviewing every snippet of a shouting match and wondering why-oh-why-did-I-say-that-and-what-kind-of-parent-am-I?
Here’s a familiar scenario: You’re in line at WalSteinTargetMart, and your child is tired of waiting. At some point, your child starts to whine and complain. You look around at the other customers. They look back at you. Your child turns up the heat, asking for treats, demanding attention, pulling you, tugging you. You are the “perfect” parent, calmly reminding your child of the consequences of a tantrum, and watching your child dissolve into a whirling dervish of arms and legs and tears and frustration. You are embarrassed, angry, impatient and tired.
So, what should one do, when one observes another parent struggling in public with a child? I’ve got an idea. Let’s support each other. If I’ve dropped my purchases in an attempt to pick up my child, help me get my shopping bag back in the cart. If it’s impossible not to stare, then get your fill, give me an encouraging smile, and keep on shopping. If you’re tempted to give me advice, I’d rather have an encouraging, “Hang in there, Mom.” You can even hold the door open for me, as I make my way out of the store.
This would propel me to keep moving forward.
The bottom line: Perfect parenting is a myth. I’ve been at this personally for 17 years, and professionally for 23. We do our best. We make mistakes. We search for a better way. We try again. Wash, rinse, repeat. You can do this. I know you can.
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