The Internet was abuzz with news Friday that Michelle Duggar, mom to many and star of the TLC reality show “19 Kids and Counting” had a miscarriage. She was in her second trimester.
Because of the popularity of the show, it was not surprising that people were talking about it on various social media sites. The wide range of responses included comments such as
“My heart goes out to the Duggar family”
What are the rules of social etiquette on Facebook?
“Sad news for Michelle Duggar”
“I’m not a fan of the Duggar family. However, a miscarriage is a heartbreaking experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
Then, there were folks who felt the need to say things like this:
“Michelle Duggar lost her baby. Hopefully she will see this as a sign from God that she should stop having children.”
This came from a friend’s Facebook wall. I saw it. I gritted my teeth. I thought about whether to respond. As the post has since been deleted, I can’t recall exactly what I said, but it was something like this:
“Regardless of your personal opinions about the Duggar family, this is a very hurtful thing to say. Any loss of a child, including a miscarriage, is sad. To judge the family and their decisions at this time of loss is mean-spirited.
My friend responded by sending me a message and the conversation continued.
FB Friend: Post deleted. I was not happy she had a miscarriage. I was just saying at her age there are so many risks of something going wrong with the child that it is irresponsible for her to have more.
Me: However true that might be, those are hurtful words to a person suffering a loss. It’s not our place to judge. Imagine saying something like that to her face. If you couldn’t do that, it shouldn’t go on Facebook. I appreciate you deleting the post. I guess I’m extra sensitive to stuff like that.
FB Friend: I am in a moral dilemma about this. It is my wall, my freedom of speech to say that she should not be having any more children. I am not saying this to make fun of her or to hurt her. I am pointing out the fact that she should not be having any more children. I deleted it because I didn’t want a message board argument on my wall. Also there are millions of people that are going to hear this news and say the same thing “Well…she shouldn’t be having any more children.” But I understand it is a sensitive issue, and taking the conversation offline and removing the post was probably a good thing because at the end of the day, do I really need to have that on my wall if it upsets people? No. That is why I have the moral dilemma
Me: I agree it is your wall. I didn’t ask you to take it down. If you wish to say those things, I suppose it is your choice. I would hope, however, that you would not choose to say such hurtful things. It doesn’t matter if you say it on Facebook or shout it on a street corner. It doesn’t matter if a thousand other people are saying it. It doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t make it any less cruel.
At this point, the discussion ended. This conversation generated some interesting thoughts about the idea of free speech, Facebook etiquette, and what we say in cyberspace. Is this an issue of free speech? Do people feel more entitled to say things, regardless of their impact on others, when they post it in an online forum like Facebook? Is it ok to say something on Facebook or copy a friend’s status just because it’s popular and millions of other people are saying it? If someone posts something that we disagree with online, should we say something or leave it alone?
Please share your thoughts. How do you handle conversations like these on the Internet? Do you think the rules have changed?
