A shortage of diapers can have a severe adverse impact on a child’s well-being.
Our children have a lot of stuff, mostly toys. The journey of the toys from their origin to our house has involved generous grandparents, loving friends, adoring parents (us), garage sale finds and some mysterious appearances out of thin air. I’ve read that when kids have a wide choice of toys, it stimulates their imagination and promotes development. That’s all well and good but increasingly, instead of us owning and enjoying the toys, it feels like the toys own us and they are slowly trying to bury us and take over the house.
Not to mention all the guilt that these toys bring. As a former Peace Corps volunteer, I spent two years living in a village where children were thrilled just to get one writing pen, hoping it would last them the whole school year (if they could afford to even attend school). Sometimes looking at our playroom gives me the same feeling as walking into Wal-Mart after my two years in poverty-stricken West Africa: Like a spoiled American.
When the thought of all the new toys at my daughter’s 4th birthday party (closely following my son’s birthday party) started to give me panic attacks, I knew something had to be done. A friend of mine once collected items for a local infant crisis center at her son’s birthday instead of toys. So I decided to do the same!
We’ve tried to instill an empathic, giving spirit in our daughter. This is the girl who, every time we see a homeless person, comes up with a very detailed plan to help that person get a house, and asks about that person for days after we see them. I was pretty sure she’d be on board. I talked about it with her ahead of time, about how there are mommies who don’t have enough money to buy diapers for their babies. “Can you imagine what our life would be like if we couldn’t buy diapers for your baby brother? What would we do? How would we feel?” We had a great discussion about it.
Here is what we wrote on each guest’s invitation:
“Instead of gifts for [our daughter’s] party, we are hosting a diaper drive! If you’d like to contribute, we will be collecting unopened packages of diapers (any size) and wipes at the party. We are planning to donate the diapers/wipes to a local nonprofit that serves women, babies and families.”
And guess what! It worked! At the party, we collected over 400 diapers and 8 boxes of wipes – about $150 worth! We decided to
donate them to the Capital Diaper Bank. A Richmond-based nonprofit, the Capital Diaper Bank is “dedicated to providing diapers to Virginia’s most vulnerable citizens…poor and low-income families through a statewide distribution network.”
About half the guests also brought a gift for our daughter. One child drew a happy birthday picture for her – awesome! The other gifts were books and clothes. No toys! Success!
Well, almost.
Even though I’d discussed the whole thing with my daughter multiple times, there was a sad moment when she gathered the few gift bags and plopped herself down in the middle of her friends, opening each one and graciously thanking the giver. She clearly wanted the experience of opening gifts and thanking her friends. My heart broke just a little, that I had somewhat taken that experience away from her. And how did the friends feel who hadn’t brought her a gift bag? They seemed ok. I thanked them and their parents all for bringing diapers for babies, and then they all ran off to play some more.
I tried to process the experience with another mom at the party. She told me not to overthink it. That it was a good thing, and we’re all trying to teach our children it’s better to give than to receive.
Overall, I would recommend this to any parents seeking a birthday gift alternative! (I’d also recommend telling your husband ahead of time so he knows why everybody’s bringing diapers!) In the end, I’m okay with the little awkward parts along the way. In today’s world, maybe it’s ok for all of us to be challenged on the gifts we give, to be a little heartbroken if it means we all appreciate what we have that much more, and are that much more open to giving to others in need.
Last night when we prepped the diapers to take them to the Capital Diaper Bank, our kids happily helped me count them and we talked about the families who will be using them. I’m hoping it will create a basis for an event we can repeat, and a lasting memory that will be priceless.
To learn more about the Capital Diaper Bank and why donating diapers is so important to families in need, visit their website here: http://capitaldiaperbank.org/. Lots of other organizations could use diaper donations, including homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, churches, food banks and more. Check your favorite organization’s website or call to find out what they have on their wish list.
About Mary Beth Cox