The holidays are best viewed from the perspective of innocent child eyes.
Whatever your traditions are, and however your social circle celebrates, confront your holiday season now. Take a good, hard, long, honest look at your new normal and how it will influence your holiday season.
Don’t put this off. If you do you’ll risk finding yourself smack in the middle of December on a cold winter’s night. Just you on the couch in your warmest ugly sweats, the Oprah Network channel on, balancing a bowl of ramen and a silent phone on your lap with the light of your computer glowing at you with posts and pictures streaming in from your friends “SO MUCH FUN!” holiday parties in your post-divorce apartment.
Or, you know, something like that.
Make like Santa, ladies. Check yourself now, and check yourself twice. Stare the holiday season square in it’s sparkly, shiny eye and get ready to rock this holiday thing.
Let’s make a pact to:
1) NOT get on Facebook or Twitter when feeling sad.
It is the emotional equivalent of waking up the next morning realizing you drunk dialed an unrequited love, and sister, you don’t need it. If you’re feeling the slightest bit blue, subjecting yourself to the full force of OPP (Other People’s Parties and Other People’s Pictures) and their seemingly endless fountain of cheer will shred the last ounces of happiness you’ve got. Trust.
2) Save yourself from the drama.
It can straight up suck to be doing all the seasonal celebrating as a solo parent. Don’t feed those feelings of suck though, because you will end up with an emotional hangover like whoa. Every time you have a fleeting thought of what used to be, immediately hulk stomp it to the ground and conjure up a new thought. You’re not allowed to move from your hulk stomp stance until you do.
3) Give your kids some control.
For our first solo holiday, C and I kept a few traditions where we could, and then we “tried out” new ones throughout the season. Even though he was a preschooler he got to own our family celebrations and gain a sense of control in his new environment. We didn’t pretend like everything was the same – or that it had to be – and we embraced what was changed and made a new normal. Pro Tip: This also gave me an awesome positive spin for the “But my Daddy does it this way/We used to always…” line.
4) Say “yes” when we mean it, and “no” when we need to.
This goes for everything from social events to long phone calls with your friends who got the world’s worst manicure or got to Target only to find that the last such-and-such was taken and boo-hoo why does this always happen?! Establish your boundaries and do not be afraid to enforce them. Attend what you want, and deal with what you can. When in doubt, refer to #5 below.
5) Live in those happy moments.
The holidays are best viewed from the perspective of innocent child eyes. Truly. Get down on their level mentally (and physically if you have to) and set outside any emotional baggage you’re toting around. See the holidays through the eyes of your kids and you’ll find your happy. When you find it, cling to it and growl ferociously at anyone who tries to take it from you.
No matter how you attack the holiday season: know that you.can.do.it. You single mom-it every other day, and the last days of the year are going to be no different. So if it gets lonely, know that, yeah, you might be the only person in your boat for now, but if you look just a little to your right, or left, or any other direction, you’ll see other one-woman single mom boats bobbing in the same water. Row a little closer and you’ll see I’m raising my glass to you.
