The latest film to join the anti-bullying movement has a particular twist to which many can relate. Technically, half of our population can likely relate. “Finding Kind”, a new documentary written and produced by two young California college grads and presented by independent film streaming site IndieFlix.com, focuses on the cattiness, competition and cruelty girls can inflict on other girls.
Girl-against-girl crime, as it’s called in the film, includes the gossip, betrayal, insults and general nastiness that can exist between girls. This ’emotional warfare’ may seem inconsequential on the surface, and some may look at it as a rite of passage, but the pain it inflicts shapes young girls’ views of themselves and can leave scars that never go away.
It’s this phenomenon that filmmakers Lauren Parsekian and Molly Thompson wanted to expose and discuss as they took their Kind Campaign across the country. They visited dozens of towns big and small, rich and poor, black and white, old and new, but the message they received was the same: I’m being told by other girls that I am less than, and so I believe it. I’m called a slut, a bitch; I’m told that I’m fat or ugly. And so I believe it. My self-esteem suffers. My grades suffer. My life suffers. Sometimes I even do it to someone else in return as a temporary pain reliever.
“Finding Kind” is the result of that cross-country campaign. Along the way, many girls shared their stories, their fears, their pain, and their crimes to open our eyes to the vicious cycle of low self-esteem leading to jealousy and competition which leads to cruelty and betrayal which leads to more low self-esteem.
The film also dips its toe into asking why girls can behave this way. Why are girl friendships so tenuous? Why are they different from the friendships boys experience? Are older women any better? (One funny and touching scene shows a group of Harley riding tough men lamenting about how girls and women can’t get along.)
The film’s message is good, and one that definitely needs to be explored. But it’s bears noting that it tells just one side of the story. It doesn’t mention the positive, friendship-affirming behaviors girls do sometimes exhibit with each other. Displays of girl-to-girl kindness can be found if you look. But along with general bullying, girl-against-girl bullying is still very much a big problem, and there is still much work to be done to increase kindness and compassion in our girls, and ourselves. And this film could no doubt be an effective tool in that effort.
Ultimately, “Finding Kind” points out that, while we can blame the media, technology, the latest fashion, our schools, etc… the final responsibility comes back to us as individuals. It asks girls to ask themselves: Am I being kind to everyone? Am I supporting my peers who are being victimized? Can I be an agent of change like the young women who created this film?
And there are questions we as parents need to ask ourselves: In our quest to raise strong, successful, go-getter girls are we leaving out the importance of kindness and compassion? Are we neglecting the lesson that there are real, permanent consequences to how we treat others? Do our girls really understand that being a true, unconditional friend to someone and having that in return is one of the greatest gifts a woman can have?
“Finding Kind” can be viewed for a limited time on Indieflix.com through May 24th. IndieFlix gives film lovers access to high quality independent films not otherwise available. To spread the word about Finding Kind and IndieFlix.com, the site has offered ten FREE 2-month trial subscriptions to our readers! To enter the giveaway, enter your email address below. Contest ends and winners will be drawn on May 23rd.
Click here for more information on the Kind Campaign, the nationally recognized school program aimed at bringing awareness and healing to girls at risk of girl-against-girl bullying. You can also visit FindingKind.com for information about hosting a film screening or assembly for your school or organization.
IndieFlix.com gave Richmondmom.com a free trial subscription to its film streaming service.
