I don’t read parenting books. I don’t like them, and I’m not fond of their labels either. Most of my parenting decisions come from realizing my kids are not lumps of clay I birthed. They are human beings like me with good days and bad days, but they’ve only been on the Earth 4 and 6 years, respectively, and have much more physical, emotional and mental development and experiences to go so I should probably lead by example as best as I can as flawed human being myself.
For example, I don’t like being yelled at, hearing myself yell or even hearing people yell at each other. (Well, sometimes I like the latter because then I can hear what’s going on and even though I don’t want to gossip, I like being IN THE KNOW.) My husband and I don’t yell, and I don’t yell at my kids. I have more serious tones and looks and that’s it. Have I ever yelled? Yes. Maybe 3 times a year and because I was having a terrible day or a kid was in real danger. Does this mean I deserve a medal or a special parenting label (I think the new one is “scream-free parenting”)? No. I don’t care if yelling works for your family or you've never yelled in 13 years. I only care if you yell at my family because that's not okay.
I also wore my kids for the first year and we've off and on co-slept, but it was for convenience and because I’m a wimp. Not about sleeping — that’s much too long of a story for this article — I mean that literally carrying around an infant car seat is too heavy, and I’m lucky to get the top off of a pickle jar. Slings are light and easy and made me a breastfeeding ninja walking right past you in Carytown. I didn't read a single article on the ins and outs of attachment parenting until years later nor do I care if you are currently balancing three car seats on your head, using a crib or wearing your 5-year-old. I just did what worked for our family and my biceps.
However, everything that’s important to me does not always come true as a parent no matter what my stance on the matter. I believe very strongly in sleeping in late, but my children do not. They never have no matter how late they've gone to bed or how many times they've woken up during the night. I wistfully tell them about the teenage year and how we will all sleep until noon and how wonderful it will be. I could be a “sleeping-late parent.” I might even buy that book. (And don’t tell me to teach them not to get out of bed. It’s considered neglect to leave your children in a bed, awake, from 6 A.M. until noon. Just let me not have my made-up parenting label and drink my coffee.)
Of course, some of my parenting decisions are backed up by science, but much of the medical research that lead to “mommy wars” and harsh judgment are mixed and overly interpreted. As a mom, I think about who I am, who I want to be, what our family needs (at the time), and how I want to be treated: with respect, love, patience, understanding, and kind-hearted humor.
My current parenting style is small human being who hasn't been here very long. I don't think I need a book for that — just a mirror.
