The Pros and Cons of Breastfeeding that Everyone Forgets to Mention

Alex provides a little sense of humor about breastfeeding during World Breastfeeding Week, August 1-7, 2013. We think she's pretty awesome because we agree that every woman should have the opportunity to breastfeed. Learn more about World Breastfeeding Week at this link.

I breastfed my children, which naturally makes me an expert.

Pro: My breasts went from an A to a DD in preparation for the big breastfeeding day, which made me more understanding of women's boobs everywhere.

Con: Breastfeeding didn’t make me better than moms who formula fed. Very disappointing.

Pro: I produced LIQUID GOLD.

Con: Turned out it was just breast milk.

Pro: I got so good at breastfeeding that I could walk and breastfeed and nobody could tell. I was a breastfeeding ninja.

Con: Breastfeeding ninjas don’t get many weapons beyond feeding my child and the ability to blind people with a milk squirt.

Pro: I bought cool new shirts with peekaboo breast pockets.

Con: I took being called “a milk cow” as a compliment.

Pro: When my kid had thrust, I got to paint my nipples purple.

Con: When my kid had thrust, I had to paint my nipples purple.

Pro: I could legally flash people in public.

Con: No one ever gave me Mardi Gras beads.

Pro: I saved so much money breastfeeding.

Con: I spent some of it on giant fugly nursing bras.

Pro: Breast milk is the all-natural, medicinal duct tape of infants. Squirt in the baby’s eyes, ears, noses, and ALL BETTER!

Con: Mastitis.

Pro: Augment breast size with just one feeding.

Con: Accidentally augment only the left side.

Pro: I told so many jokes about boobs crying when anything else cries.

Con: Breast- or formula-feeding does not give someone a sense of humor.

Now everyone knows exactly what to do and how to do it. Or at least to not take themselves so seriously while trying to figure it all out.

Me and my son

My son is pulling me closer to let me know he's about to wean whether I like it or not.

PS. Breastfeeding is not black or white, good or bad, next president or serial killer, and it certainly isn't the most serious thing you do for your child. However, every woman should have the opportunity to breastfeed her children for as long as she would like with the supports she needs. Click here for a list of events in Richmond, VA to celebrate World Breastfeeding Week for breastfeeding moms or those considering it as a choice for their baby.


Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from an undergraduate degree in political philosophy to a medical degree to a stay-at-home mom, poet and writer by the age of 30. Now she spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog, except when it’s serious, about life, parenting, marriage, culture, religion and politics. She has a muse of a husband, two young kids, four cats, one dog, and a readership that gives her hope for humanity.

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