By Rosemary Burns
How appropriate that on the morning that I was going to write this article, my fourteen-year-old, going on thirty-year-old daughter, ambushed me on her way out the door to school, questioning me on why I didn’t want to travel to a family function in Northern Virginia this weekend. I say ambushed because this is her M.O. lately. Bring up a topic that was previously “put to rest”, at an inopportune moment so that she can re-open the case and make her arguments, as only a fourteen-year-old girl can, snarky remarks included, leaving me wallowing in the stress. Her mission accomplished.
Rediscovering the JOY of motherhood is for those times when a mother wonders just what the heck she was thinking about when she decided to become one.
Sometimes I need to make the conscious decision to choose to find the joy in being a mom. I have four kids, ages twenty-seven, (they are always your kids no matter how old they are), twenty-five, fourteen and eight. They are on vastly different levels of maturity and have a variety of interests -some hobbies I can understand why they find them to be interesting, and some that I have to feign interest in, as they are excitedly telling me about them.
For instance
- when my twenty-seven-year old son is showing me his website that he and a buddy have created to sell their tee-shirts, getmtees.com, I find it kind of cool.
- When my twenty-five-year old daughter skypes me from the Dominican Republic where she is volunteering teaching English I get very excited to see and hear all about her classroom decorations and the kids that she loves there.
- When my fourteen-year-old daughter wants me to look at her Pinterest account of her ‘wish-list’ that is filled with Lilly Pulitzer and Vera Bradley and Vinyard Vines merchandise, I have to keep my eyes from rolling. I was raised on J. C. Penney and Hecht Co., I’m not entirely sure how my kid developed such a pricey taste in things?
- When my eight-year-old little boy wants me to go outside and play catch with a football or shoot baskets with him, I sigh and do it because at least I am getting some fresh air, but so help me if I break another fingernail doing this…
So, back to the teen-aged daughter situation.
Instead of getting myself worked up about her latest issue, I decide to make a batch of chocolate chip cookie dough to put in the refrigerator for her to make while she babysits her younger brother tonight. I find joy in baking things for my family. This will make them happy tonight and may have the added benefit of teaching her that even if she drives me crazy at times, I still care about her and her happiness. Or it may not…
Everyone has those days when the kids are all demanding of your time and they all need something ‘right now!’ and they are claiming that ‘there is nothing good to eat in this house!’ and they need their gym suit washed because they forgot to take it out of their backpack, and they are throwing the couch cushions on the floor looking for the TV remote and they are all ignoring the barking dog that needs to go out! So, one may question why they ever thought that being a parent would be all that and a bag of chips! I’m fairly certain that every parent has at times, fantasized about getting in a car and driving as far south as possible and just living alone on a Florida beach. I know I do. And, I know that my mom did too.
As luck would have it, it isn’t that difficult to rediscover the JOYS of motherhood. Next time one of your little angels wants to talk with you, try putting aside whatever it is you are doing at that moment, and look them in the eye as they speak. I mean really listen to them. Focus on what they are saying to you – their mother. Don’t let your mind wander to the myriad of things that a mom has on her mind at any given moment of the day. Forget that you cannot find the permission slip for little Billy’s field trip tomorrow. Forget that you have not yet thought about what to make for dinner and it’s already six o’clock. Forget that you didn’t call the plumber and the toilet won’t stop running. Concentrate on your kid, holding his gaze till it even makes him a little uncomfortable and he asks, “Why are you staring at me?” Then you get to say, “Just because I love you.” 
My little boy was practicing a song for his class Thanksgiving performance. He came up to me in the kitchen singing, “What are you gu-gu-gu-grateful for?” I reply, “Yu-yu-yu-you. I’m grateful for you!” pointing at him and doing my best lame rapper impersonation. He genuinely smiles for a second then adds, “I mean food-wise Mom.” But, I saw the faint smile. I found the joy.
The other night, after a long day of substitute teaching and being a mom, all I wanted to do was get in my pajamas, crawl under my electric blanket and do a crossword puzzle until I fell asleep. Nope. My daughter yells up the stairs all excited for me to quick come down and see whats on the computer! The latest release from the band One Direction was playing-OMG! I had to see it? I made the choice to sit there and watch with her, even though I was soooo tired. Her excitement and enthusiasm was infectious and we ended up having an impromptu dance party-it was fun. I found the joy.
With a nod to the Blue Collar Comedy team, I submit the following:
- When, after dropping $40.00 at Party City to buy your kid a Captain America costume, with built-in muscles and a talking shield that he pleaded with you for two months to get to wear on Halloween, said kid, decides at the last minute to go trick-or-treating as a hobo wearing his dad’s jacket and your straw beach hat…..FIND THE JOY
- When, after making your famous shepard’s pie from scratch that basically takes all day to prepare, for your family’s dinner your kid says, “Yuck-I am not eating that. All of the foods are touching each other!”…..FIND THE JOY
- When your young adult child comes home from a party in the Fan with the side mirror busted on the car you let her borrow…..FIND THE JOY
- When your kid offers to help you in the kitchen using the mixer and lifts up the beaters to see how they work and splatters the room with cake batter…..FIND THE JOY
- When your little one comes into the living room smiling and so proud, to show you how she brushed her teeth all by herself, “Just like a big girl” and moments later there is a waterfall coming out of the kitchen light fixture because she left the water running and the stopper still in the sink…..FIND THE JOY
