By: Amy, Guest Writer
This past Christmas Eve, my boyfriend David and I hosted a little party. We served homemade pizza, wine and soda, and Christmas cookies made by children. The kids played Dance Central while the adults sat around the dining room table laughing and chatting. It was loud, chaotic, festive and fun.
There were eight of us at that night: David, me, the three children we have between us, Susan (David’s former wife), Patrick (my former husband), and Kim (Patrick’s girlfriend.)
When I tell friends about this gathering, they are surprised; shocked, even. But get-togethers of this sort are now part of our norm. At this point, David’s son is just as likely to give Patrick a hug as he is to snuggle up with his parents. My two kids chat and laugh with Susan and Kim as though they’ve always been part of the family. Because that’s what we are; a family. A non-conventional assortment, perhaps, but a family nonetheless.
Now, I don’t want to give the impression that we’re living The Brady Bunch here. We’re only human. We still get irritated with each other sometimes. All those memories of past pain still exist and they have a tendency to pop up whenever there’s disagreement. In those moments we have a choice – fall backward or move forward. Sometimes it’s really hard, but each of the adults in this family holds that holiday gathering picture in their head – for the sake of the children.
Our kids have a picture of what happy adult relationships look like. They get to see grown-ups who have let go of anger and hurt and are moving forward. They see true cooperation. I think that we are giving them life lessons through our behavior that they will carry forward.
As the holidays approach, I offer our story as a possibility in this world where divorce is so prevalent. I don’t think my divorce (or David’s) was any harder or easier than any other. Nor do I think we as a group are particularly exceptional people. We are simply adults who set an intention for our extended family group and that intention informs every move we make. We work at it and it works. We do it for the sake of the children.
But the bonus is, the adults are all happier, too.
