Christmas shopping is hard for anyone, but kids are nearly impossible. Their interests change daily, and the stores are constantly trying to trick unsuspecting family members into buying things that kids don’t ever need or want.
This week, I ventured into a store to find a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy. This seemed simple enough. I, too, grew up watching the Ninja Turtles, and my son has liked them on and off for a good few months so I think it’s safe. My favorite turtle was Raphael, which is pretty obvious considering how much I love(d) sarcasm and the color red. My son doesn’t have a favorite yet so I may have a little flexibility depending on what’s a available.
I wandered past the aisle marked Military Toys and Military Role Play, which I hadn’t realized was a big enough thing to need its own aisle in the toy store unless drones were actually available on layaway. Of course, I kept going because I was on a mission myself, but as it turned out, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a part of our industrial-military (toy) complex. Dress up like an Army Ranger or Donatello because who doesn’t think our wars are waged by turtles taught by a rat? Luckily, I was able to avoid accidentally voicing any social commentary to unsuspecting fellow shoppers by changing my present search slightly and heading to the LEGOS section for a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle building set instead of a Turtle toy.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Party Wagon is the perfect military tool.
On my way over to the LEGOS, I passed the delightful game of keep the balloon in the air. It was one of my favorites as a kid, and my children have followed suit. If we have helium balloons, we get to play keep the balloon down THEN keep the balloon up a few days later. TWICE THE FUN. As it turns out, I’ve been doing it wrong for 35 years. I’m not supposed to be using my hands in this game. I’m supposed to purchase a plastic claw for hours of fun.
Look at what you can pretend to do! You can pretend to have fun!
By this point, if I wasn’t the parent, who knows my son would be just as happy with building Ninja Turtles as driving a prebuilt “party wagon” hidden in the military section of the toy store, I would not have been able to purchase a present. In my desperation, I would think: This plastic claw could provide wonderful entertainment for a children 5 and up.
And even armed with a great present, I’m exhausted and thinking of mostly buying my kids gift cards from Santa Claus this year. Grandmas, feel free to join me.
PS. My kids actually think gift cards are amazing because they don’t need permission or a holiday to get something they like as long as it is age-appropriate. As their parent, I would’ve never guessed that. It was another parent who opened up the magic of gift cards for them. See, it’s all a mystery, and the toy stores are trying to out-flank us. Sometimes literally.
