Anonymous
Photo via Flickr
Every little girl dreams of the day they will fall in love with a man, move out and have kids – living happy ever after. Our fairy tales tell of the prince charming and how blissful being in love is. You never think about not getting prince charming but getting just the opposite – the villain. But that is just what happened.
My fairy tale turned out to be a nightmare instead. I could talk about the physical part of the abuse – the routine beatings; the screaming so loud it made the kids run and hide; the time HE tried to run me over with his car – but most physical wounds heal in time.
Much deeper lie the scars that stay forever.
The ones that become a part of you; that change you little by little, until one day you look in the mirror and you no longer recognize yourself. Because you are not you, you have become HIS property. You do as you are told. You don’t argue back. You hang your head and try not to upset him, telling yourself he loves you and it’s your job to make him happy. That it’s normal and if you just do what you’re supposed to then things will be fine. And when its not fine it’s your fault. You tell yourself “I should have known better. If I wouldn’t have taken too long eating lunch I would have had dinner started on time. If I would have taken the baby to the bathroom with me her cry wouldn’t make him angry. If I wasn’t so stupid he wouldn’t call me worthless. If I was a better mother he wouldn’t tell my children that I was worthless, no good and they didn’t have to listen to me – that they were the boss.”
HE turned out to be the villain that destroyed my self esteem and made me believe I had no self worth, tearing 
me down in front of my children. My children learned to belittle me. I became so isolated from my friends and family I developed a social anxiety. The biggest thing I had to learn about myself while at Safe Harbor was that I had a lot to offer the world and I shouldn’t be afraid to go to a job interview and meet people.
That it was OK to put makeup on and get dressed up.
I had to learn how to feel good about myself and through all the counseling I still second guess myself. I always hold back, not fully trusting anyone, much less myself. Some days are still hard where I think I don’t deserve happiness; that I’m not good enough for anyone to love. My children and I had to be uprooted from our home, from everything we knew, to start over in a shelter, losing all of our things. We left right after Christmas. My boys didn’t even get a chance to ride their new bikes from Santa. HE took them back to the store.
I can never replace some of the things that were lost – my mother’s wedding rings; her purse; the last things she had at the hospital before she passed away. The memories of my children growing up in the only home they knew. It will be a long road to rebuild and heal from the damage and pain that was caused. I share my story not only for my own personal healing. I am here as a mother. I’m here to show my boys that what HE did to us was wrong. That women are not property. They deserve respect. That when you hurt people, you are punished.
I’m here to show my little girl she is beautiful and deserves to be treated as the princess she is and it’s not normal to be hit and put down.
I am here to stop the cycle and close this chapter of our lives so my children and I can start to heal.
I am here to show HIM he no longer has control and he is not above the law and crimes do not go unpunished. I’m here today because today I am strong.
Today I am ME.
I am my own person.
I no longer belong to anyone.
This story has been told anonymously thanks to Safe Harbor
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