“In my heart of hearts,
I no longer want to be
Better than you
Smarter than you
Thinner than you
Prettier than you
Faster than you
Stronger than you
A better mother than you
I want to walk this path
Side by side
In awe of who you are
In awe of what your gifts are.”
In the past, I have been friends with mean girls; sometimes I have BEEN the mean girl but at age 40ish, no one has the time or energy for a mean girl.
It’s hard to get five minutes on the phone or a dinner date with the girls once a month and no one wants to spend it dodging passive aggressive mouth bullets or exchanging verbal nasties.
But as I get older, the list of women who are secure enough in their own skin to be able to celebrate a sister grows longer and longer.
We are side by side in our awesomeness and yes I just used the word, awesomeness.
I know a woman who had two kids in the past couple of years but spends her free time as a chaplain at a hospice.
I know a single mom who raised an amazing son to adulthood alone and became not only my real estate agent but also my friend and spiritual guru.
I know an award winning tattoo artist who tattoos nipples for breast cancer survivors when she is not solidly booked at her shop, which is never.
I know women who said screw it and bought their own house or adopted their own kid.
I know women who work with children with special needs and have for years and still see the world as a hopeful place and still make at least one kid laugh per day.
The woman I work next to every day runs her family like a modern day June Cleaver and can whip out a painting faster than Bob Ross before a commercial break. Her kids’ Valentines look like something you would buy on Etsy, her outfits are always immaculate and her baking amazing, but she is also really good at snorting through her nose and demolishing a bottle of wine.
I know women who stay at home, I know women who work from home and I know women who work out of the home; they are all great mothers and I celebrate them all for their various awesomeness.
The thing is, I have no problem being nice to awesome people. I’m good at that. I will watch your kids. I will stop by with gifts when you’re sick. I will never forget your birthday and on that day I will give you a present that I have painstakingly picked for you.
I just don’t feel that nice about not nice people. I don’t want to walk “side by side” as the author said. I want to walk two steps behind them and kick them in the butt one time with each step.
That might be something that I’ve got to work on, though the best advice might be to just avoid them all together and not let them bring out the mean girl lingering in me.
There’s only one way down the path past forty and that’s side by side, but the path is wide and I’ve got plenty of room…but only if you’re willing to share the road.
About Rebecca Suder