I was going to write a fake post for April Fools’ Day, but my husband read my final piece and told me it was just mean. I know many of you are disappointed I didn’t post it anyway so you could yell at me, but to compensate the yellers and the non-yellers, I will reveal the pranks my kids and I are planning to do mostly to my husband.
- Change all the clocks after my husband goes to sleep. Now this is difficult in the age of cell phones and satellites and the NSA but not impossible and all the more unexpected when he leaps out of bed at 5am because he’s late to work.
- Rubber band the sprayer on the kitchen sink. Of course, I’m not a morning person so I’m a little worried that I will end up spraying myself in an attempt to get water for my coffee pot but pranking myself might be even more impressive.
- The kids and I considered switching the sugar and salt, but my husband doesn’t care for either so a week later our dinner will just taste terrible. (Wow, I’m on a pranking-myself streak now!)
- Calling a family member or friend to say, “We’re here! Where are you? We’re right outside the door!” like they forgot a visit from us. The key is to call very early or very late or maybe even not on April 1 at all.
- My son wants to cellophane the toilet bowls, but I’m pretty sure my husband will see it before he pees it. Me, on the other hand… HEY! WAIT A MINUTE.
- We may hide the right foot of all of my husband’s shoes. A college roommate did this to me after I rearranged her bedroom one night while she was out. I spent 30 minutes looking under my bed and in my closet and everywhere else before I went up to her and said, “I can only find slippers to wear. I can’t find any other shoes that match!” (I was a very messy roommate which helped the prank.) Maybe I’ll do it with socks for Scott. He leaves those all over the place in our house.
- I’m tempted to switch the shampoo and hair gel, but then my husband will have to shower again and I’ll get stuck making the kids’ lunches. I wonder if we could do toothpaste and shampoo instead.
- If my kids were on their own, they should switch Scott’s and my cell phones right before he leaves for work. The stress this would cause would be priceless… and embarrassing. And watching me call myself would be hilarious.
- If we were to prank my dog, we’d lock all the cats in his kennel (and leave the dog out — I’m not looking to terrorize anyone). In fact, that might be worth setting up a video for.
- And finally, I can’t decide between turning out the lights and hiding when he comes home or having us all greet him at the door dressed in our Sunday best with dinner on the table 1950s-style. I’m not sure which would scare him more.
And now I will bestow the Irish April Fools’ Day Blessing upon you: May your day be filled with more pranks given than received. Amen.