When is the right time to tell your kid that Santa isn’t real? Does “the right time” really exist?”
“Mom! You lied to me!!!” she cried indignantly. “How could you?!!”
Well, I thought, that escalated quickly! One day she was discussing what to write in her letter to Santa, and now suddenly she’s overflowing with tween drama and indignation! Also, not quite the reaction I was expecting…
My (now twelve years old) daughter had been an ardent Santa fan, refusing to stop believing even after every single one of her friends had already given up. And I had certainly not expected it to go on this long, especially given that her brother had figured out the Santa thing by the time he was ten.
And when I had fessed up to him that it had been me and dad sneaking downstairs and putting out extra gifts, filling the stockings and eating the carrots and cookies all that time, it gave him the giggles. He had been really tickled that his parents had gone to so much trouble, for so many years, over something pretend. And he didn’t mind being in on the secret, since his little sister still very much believed…
Imagine our surprise when her eleventh birthday came and went, and her belief in Santa was still unshakeable. Oh well, I thought, I’m sure she’ll figure it out before middle school…
Or not?
All throughout the summer leading up to middle school, I kept thinking to myself, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to just straight up sit her down and tell her. I can’t let her be the only kid in middle school who believes in Santa. It’s gone on too long. They’ll make fun of her.”
And I kept trying to find the right time, but I just wasn’t feeling it. Furthermore, by the end of the summer she was so busy working herself into a near-panic over the prospect of going to middle school, that I decided we’d better tackle one important thing at a time. So I decided it could wait a little bit longer. After all, it had always been part of my parenting philosophy that it was best to wait until your child starts to give signs that they are ready to give up believing in Santa. So I decided to wait until what felt like the right time.
But then, to my relief, just before Halloween, she asked me. Good, I thought, she’s definitely emotionally ready for it now.
Or not??
After I told her the truth, she went on a very long-winded rant about the fact that I had lied to her for years, and then went on to imply that it was inconsistent with all of my political and cultural beliefs as well, with additional detours about my positions on medical marijuana and same-sex marriage. Don’t even try to get it to add all up. You’ll get a headache, trust me.
As I listened (slack-jawed) to all of this I remember thinking that I had just wound up in yet another one of those parenting Kobayashi Maru scenarios. (Yes, that’s right. I referenced Star Trek and Santa in the same post. Deal with it.)
So, parents, if you have kids who are still in their single-digit years and you are debating this issue right now, you have my sympathy. Just remember that apparently there is no one right time to do it. And maybe for some kids, there just isn’t any right time at all.
But in such cases, you can always revert to your fall-back parenting strategy: keep calm and drink wine…
