@ Kevin Dooley, via Flickr Creative Commons
First, Happy New Year to all! While the New Year is a magic time for some, you fellow parents know that better than any New Year is the ‘Magic Time’ when your household is at peace and you’re not being asked to stretch beyond your ability to cope with the challenges that little kids bring.
When our son was born, our daughter was almost two. I frequently used the word ‘crazy’ to describe our days. I have somewhat-blurry (but still present!) memories of two children in diapers crying at the same time for completely different reasons. On multiple occasions, I remember nursing one baby, helping the other go potty, while cooking and doing laundry without any cross-contamination.
I loved and relished all the experiences, but the challenges associated with feeding, crying, and sleeping caused painful bursts in my brain and chest. Figuring out how to cope and respond on some… most… days was unlike anything I’ve experienced. The aftermath of parenting through sleep-related challenges, while functioning on little to no sleep, may be very akin to post-traumatic stress.
So yeah. The word ‘crazy’ may be perfect.
Now they are four and six (with birthdays coming in the Spring), and as I type, I am sitting in our new couch, relaxing with my husband, listening to the beautiful quiet peace of our children playing together nicely and watching a cartoon in the play room. All after a night when everybody slept in their own bed all night.
This is the definition of the Magic Time. It is a beautiful thing. It is the type of day I was unsure would ever come.
Back in those ‘crazy’ days, my friend Alicia (who had been in the parenting trenches a few years before me) calmly reassured me: “You will hit a Magic Time. I promise. Around the age of four, something happens and it all gets easier.” Truly, her words gave me hope. I’ve thought about them through the years. On every good day I would think, “Is this the Magic Time Alicia talked about?”
Do not get me wrong. In some way, life with our children has been magic since they were born. Every time I hold my babies is like holding a dream in my arms.
But to fellow parents of very little people, I don’t need to explain “Magic Time.” I’m certain you know what I’m talking about. Wink wink, nod nod. But if you need a definition, “Magic Time” is when everybody in your house is able to, more or less, meet their own immediate needs, to get along with each other, and respond and cope with stress.
My husband just went upstairs and whispered, “Don’t wreck the Force.” Wink wink, nod nod. We know what we’re talking about.
We can afford this couch because we’re paying almost the lowest amount we’ll pay for daycare. My husband and I get to spend time on the couch together because the kids are getting along, can get their own drinks, and can go potty by themselves. I may get to watch my Sunday morning show I love with little interruption and no guilt.
Magic Time.
It won’t be like this all day. Then the kids will start wrestling and fighting, they’ll both spill their milk on the floor, somebody will say they hate the food I make for them. It won’t be Magic Time all day, but yes. We have Magic Time more and more often.
So if you are struggling through diapering, feeding, sleeping, crying or any other small-child related challenges, I am hear to share the message of hope. There will be Magic Time in your future. More and more. The clouds will break when your youngest is around the age of four.
(Thanks, Ms. Alicia.)
About Mary Beth Cox