Girl playing pretend. Not me. Source: Flickr creative commons https://www.flickr.com/photos/oakleyoriginals/
Have you caught yourself asking a child (likely your own), “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Where did that phrase come from? When I heard it come out of my mouth I thought… Why am I asking my child a question that I don’t even know the answer to for myself?
“When you grow up.” Ha.
My four year old son has lots of answers – and I don’t think I’ve even asked him the question! He wants to be a police man, basketballer, and super hero.
My daughter? I don’t remember her answer because I think I’ve only asked her once, vowing to not ask her again. But I know she’s good at drawing, writing, math and is very good at teaching and facilitating things.
Yes I overthink things. And maybe I’m overthinking this. But I think “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is a question fraught with problems.
First it assumes you are going to have one thing you do in life to make money or contribute to society in some way, and that one thing is the only thing that you will be forever and ever.
Second, it assumes there is a line between non-grown-up and grown-up and that when you cross the line into “grown up” you should be that one thing.
Third, I think it sets up a framework where you impose on children that they expend a lot of time and energy aiming for that ‘one thing’.
It just seems so limiting, and limitless at the same time. A conundrum. Poor little kids.
The reality today is that most people will have 11 to 12 jobs before they settle on a single job or career that they stick with through retirement.
For me, here are all the things I’ve been: pizza maker and order taker, Peace Corps volunteer / health educator, research assistant, secretary, early childhood home visitor, public health program evaluator, program supervisor, project coordinator, grant writer, and program manager. Yes eventually my ‘things’ coalesced around the health field, which now that it’s a pattern of increasing responsibilities, I think I can safely call it a “career.”
But what else am I? A mother, a wife, a daughter, a neighbor, a writer, a PTA member, and a friend.
And I wanted, at some point, to be each of those things.
I think it’s wonderful to set goals in life. That is the intention of the question. We think it’s a good question because it asks kids to think about the future and how they might get there. Maybe better questions would be, “What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at? What are you now? What things do you think you’ll want to do when you’re older? How will you want to help people or make money?”
Come to think of it, those questions are pretty good for us adults who don’t quite feel like we’ve grown up yet.
And also… most people will do something at some point to earn money, but we are all so much more than that.
About Mary Beth Cox