Ok, hear me out. I’m in the throes of Influenza A, so I speak from experience. Though it is the worst I’ve felt in a long, long time, there are some positive aspects to coming down with the flu.* (And, before the question gets asked – yes, our whole family got the flu shot back in October.)
*NOTE: The author does not recommend contracting the flu. Side effects from Mom Flu include: fever, chills, cough, congestion, body aches, fatigue, vomiting, diarrhea, and workload delay. More serious side effects include Kid Flu and Dad Flu that will inevitably come our way.
But with that being said, here’s the upside:
1. Nobody Wants to Touch You
There are no kids asking to be picked up. My husband doesn’t want to touch me with a 10-foot pole. Hell, even my PCP didn’t want to get too close. I felt like I had the plague leaving the doctor’s office, but the sweet, sweet alone time at home is *almost* worth it.
2. More Sleep than You’ve Gotten in Months, Maybe Years
My saint of a mother-in-law picked up the kids yesterday, and I had almost 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night. I haven’t slept that hard since college. Granted, I sweated through my sheets and woke up in a puddle of snot, but I didn’t have to feed hungry children at 6 a.m.
3. No Cooking or Cleaning
Because everything I touch needs to be sanitized and nobody wants to eat something that has been tainted with the flu, I don’t have to do anything. Dad’s in charge of the household for the week. So, bagel pizzas are on the menu, and no one is complaining. Least of all me.
4. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner in Bed
Mother’s Day ain’t got nothing on a flu-sponsored sick day. Sure it’s jello, chicken broth, and saltines, but see my previous point – I didn’t have to cook it. Which brings me to my next point…
5. No Effort Weight Loss Plan
I’ve been in bed for days, but the pounds keep shedding. Could it be that I’m eating next to nothing, or that what I do actually manage to eat doesn’t stay down for more than an hour? Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s the flu. Either way, I’m halfway ready for swimsuit season…assuming I don’t cough up a lung and end up in the hospital with pneumonia.
So if you’re (un)lucky enough to succumb to flu season, look on the bright side – you can have your very own surprise stay-cation. Just make sure you’re over it in time to care for everyone else in the household who is bound to catch it from you. And they will.
