The latest film to join the anti-bullying movement has a particular twist to which many can relate.  Technically, half of our population can likely relate.  “Finding Kind”, a new documentary written and produced by two young California college grads and presented by independent film streaming site IndieFlix.com, focuses on the cattiness, competition and cruelty girls can inflict on other girls.

Girl-against-girl crime, as it’s called in the film, includes the gossip, betrayal, insults and general nastiness that can exist between girls.  This ‘emotional warfare’ may seem inconsequential on the surface, and some may look at it as a rite of passage, but the pain it inflicts shapes young girls’ views of themselves and can leave scars that never go away.

It’s this phenomenon that filmmakers Lauren Parsekian and Molly Thompson wanted to expose and discuss as they took their Kind Campaign across the country.  They visited dozens of towns big and small, rich and poor, black and white, old and new, but the message they received was the same:  I’m being told by other girls that I am less than, and so I believe it.  I’m called a slut, a bitch; I’m told that I’m fat or ugly.  And so I believe it.  My self-esteem suffers.  My grades suffer.  My life suffers.  Sometimes I even do it to someone else in return as a temporary pain reliever.

“Finding Kind” is the result of that cross-country campaign.  Along the way, many girls shared their stories, their fears, their pain, and their crimes to open our eyes to the vicious cycle of low self-esteem leading to jealousy and competition which leads to cruelty and betrayal which leads to more low self-esteem.

The film also dips its toe into asking why girls can behave this way.  Why are girl friendships so tenuous?  Why are they different from the friendships boys experience?  Are older women any better?  (One funny and touching scene shows a group of Harley riding tough men lamenting about how girls and women can’t get along.)

The film’s message is good, and one that definitely needs to be explored.  But it’s bears noting that it tells just one side of the story.  It doesn’t mention the positive, friendship-affirming behaviors girls do sometimes exhibit with each other.  Displays of girl-to-girl kindness can be found if you look.  But along with general bullying, girl-against-girl bullying is still very much a big problem, and there is still much work to be done to increase kindness and compassion in our girls, and ourselves.  And this film could no doubt be an effective tool in that effort.

Ultimately, “Finding Kind” points out that, while we can blame the media, technology, the latest fashion, our schools, etc… the final responsibility comes back to us as individuals.  It asks girls to ask themselves: Am I being kind to everyone?  Am I supporting my peers who are being victimized?  Can I be an agent of change like the young women who created this film?

And there are questions we as parents need to ask ourselves: In our quest to raise strong, successful, go-getter girls are we leaving out the importance of kindness and compassion?  Are we neglecting the lesson that there are real, permanent consequences to how we treat others?  Do our girls really understand that being a true, unconditional friend to someone and having that in return is one of the greatest gifts a woman can have?

“Finding Kind” can be viewed for a limited time on Indieflix.com through May 24th.  IndieFlix gives film lovers access to high quality independent films not otherwise available.  To spread the word about Finding Kind and IndieFlix.com, the site has offered ten FREE 2-month trial subscriptions to our readers!  To enter the giveaway,  enter your email address below.  Contest ends and winners will be drawn on May 23rd.

Click here for more information on the Kind Campaign, the nationally recognized school program aimed at bringing awareness and healing to girls at risk of girl-against-girl bullying.  You can also visit FindingKind.com for information about hosting a film screening or assembly for your school or organization.

IndieFlix.com gave Richmondmom.com a free trial subscription to its film streaming service. 

Have an event to add to our calendar? Email us at kate@richmondmom.com!

ALWAYS check dates, times and locations of events as they may change after posting here.

Ongoing

February 19-24, 2013

Mary Poppins at the Landmark Theatre.

Events by day of the month

Monday, January 21

The Maggie L. Walker National Historic Site will host, “Elvira’s Eyes,” at 2 pm – a documentary produced by 17-year-old park volunteer Sydney Shavers. The documentary tells the story of the Henrico High School senior’s quest to document more fully the story of her great-great-great grandmother, Elvira Sophia Abernathy, who lived during both slavery and segregation. The presentation will take place in the park’s visitor center at 2 p.m. Free and open to the public.

Parenting an Anxious Child - About kids 2-8. Commonwealth Parenting. Join Family Educator Susan Brown to learn how to calm your child’s anxieties and maybe even your own. Great opportunity to feel more confident in your parenting.

Painting: Winter Watercolors at CMoR Central. Homeschool Program: Classes for 3-5, and 6-8 year olds. See website for times and details. Children use watercolors, cottonballs, and lots of other things to create art. 1pm-2pm and 3pm-4pm.

Martin Luther King Jr Day Celebration at all CMoR locations - 10 am – 4 pm. Paint your own dream in the art studios or listen to special story times in all three museum locations to celebrate the life of Martin Luther King Jr. Read special facts throughout all locations about the importance and significance of this great leader.  Remember that CMoR is now open all day every Monday so come celebrate history with us!

Tuesday, January 22

Read 2 Rover at Central Library in Chesterfield. For children struggling with reading, the comfort and companionship of the therapy dogs helps to turn something stressful into an activity that is fun and soothing.

Young at Art at VMFA at 10 a.m. Designed for children 2 to 5 years of age accompanied by an adult. The children enjoy stories, activities, and a gallery visit; this month’s theme is Moving Mobiles. the Painter. Repeats each week and Thursdays at 10:00 a.m. Register: 804-340-1405.

Snow Day Craft at Pottery Barn Kids in Short Pump Mall at 11:30 a.m.  Story, hands-on deluxe crafting projects.

Wednesday, January 23

Painting: Winter Watercolors at CMoR Chesterfield. Homeschool Program: Classes for 3-5, and 6-8 year olds. See website for times and details. Children use watercolors, cottonballs, and lots of other things to create art. 1pm-2pm and 3pm-4pm.

Lunch Break Science at the Science Museum at noon. Closer Look at Common Eye Conditions presented by Tami Flowers, MD, Commonwealth Eye Care Associates.

Thursday, January 24

Friday, January 25

Family Fun Night: Pajama Party. Commonwealth Parenting – Bring the whole family for an evening of fun together! Wear your favorite pajamas and enjoy pizza, cookies, and storytime with Mr. Chris 6:00 – 7:30 pm at Canterbury Community Preschool, 601 N. Parham Road, Richmond  23229 - *Door prizes for parents and kids! Click here to register: Individual tickets or Family 4-pack tickets.

Painting: Winter Watercolors at CMoR Short Pump. Homeschool Program: Classes for 3-5, and 6-8 year olds. See website for times and details. Children use watercolors, cottonballs, and lots of other things to create art. 1pm-2pm and 3pm-4pm.

Family Night Pajama Party at Canterbury Nursery School (8960 River Road, Richmond). Come dressed in your pj’s to enjoy pizza, cookies, and storytime with Mr. Chris! Tickets available at the website. Family 4-pack $20, individual tickets $6. Doorprizes for adults and kids. Email info@commonwealthparenting.org with questions.

American Girl Book Club at Barnes & Noble Short Pump at 7pm. Bring your dool to this program. It’s free. Call 804.360.0103 with questions.

Saturday, January 26

Midas is having a blood drive. Mark your calendar for 1/26 — it’s a day that will allow you to save lives with car care — donate a pint of blood and get a free oil change!

Shakespeare and Galileo at 1pm at the Science Museum. The Carpenter Science Theatre performs Shakespeare and Galileo – a hypothetical meeting between the Bard and the Father of Modern Science. Enjoy humor, mystery and espionage of this play inside of the Museum’s Ms. Barbara Thalhimer Theater. Recommended for ages 10 and up. Included with exhibit admission.

Teaching Empathy, Tolerance and Inclusion - An anti-bullying workshop. While bullying takes place at every age, it seems that the middle school years are at a time when sadly, for many children, it becomes a way of life. What is happening in the middle school years that make children vulnerable to bullying and what can adults do to strengthen self esteem?

Clifford’s 50th Birthday Bash at CMoR Chesterfield.  10am-4pm. Enjoy story times, art projects, activities with PBS, sweet treats and much more….along with a special birthday serenade by our guests at 12 o’clock noon so Clifford can blow out his candle on his cake and accept his birthday cards!  Free with museum admission.

Barefoot Puppets: Little Red and the Gingerbread Man. Richmond CenterStage – this show combines two well-loved, classic tales to create an original, fun-filled romp through fairy tales. Join Little Red and she pursues a mischievous Gingerbread cookie through the woods to Grandma’s house. Original music, snowy scenery, and everyone’s favorite Big Bad Wolf make up this seasonal favorite for our youngest audiences.  Recommended for ages 3 and up – 10 a.m.

Virginia State Yo-Yo Competition at CMoR Central. Yo-Yo champions and lots of demonstrations!

Mickey Mouse Mania! Musical Playdate at Melody Magic Music Studio. Enjoy a playdate focused on everyone’s favorite guy! Featuring all your favorite clubhouse songs — Clubhouse theme song, Hot Dog, Choo Choo Express — Mickey Mouse Mania is sure to please each and every child! Ages 0-7 years, with a parent. Enroll online for just $9 per child.

Family Features at VMFA. Warm up inside the museum with a feature-length film, and create a self-directed craft at the end of the show. Movie ticket includes a free hot chocolate, tea, or coffee in Best Café before or after the film. 804-340-1405. 10:30 a.m.

Virginia Dance Festival at James River High School, 3700 James River Road, Midlothian. A benefit event dedicated to helping children in Central Virginia through Children’s Hospital Foundation and celebrating dance in all of its many forms, including Tap, Hip-Hop, Jazz, Ballet, Classical Indian, Irish, Ballroom, Musical Theater, and American Indian dances and more. Performances at 3pm and 7pm. Tickets are $12/adult and $10/child (ages 3-11) for one show, and $18/adult and $15/child for both shows. Tickets will be sold at the door the day of the show. Call (804) 739-7600 or visit the website for more information.

Sunday, January 27

Clifford’s 50th Birthday Bash at CMoR Chesterfield.  10am-4pm. Enjoy story times, art projects, activities with PBS, sweet treats and much more….along with a special birthday serenade by our guests at 12 o’clock noon so Clifford can blow out his candle on his cake and accept his birthday cards!  Free with museum admission.

Shakespeare and Galileo at 1pm at the Science Museum. The Carpenter Science Theatre performs Shakespeare and Galileo – a hypothetical meeting between the Bard and the Father of Modern Science. Enjoy humor, mystery and espionage of this play inside of the Museum’s Ms. Barbara Thalhimer Theater. Recommended for ages 10 and up. Included with exhibit admission.

Lunar Year 2013 Celebration at CMoR Central with tastes, sights, and sounds of this colorful holiday when families of Asian descent enjoy family reunions and special meals – to bring health, wealth and happiness in the New Year.

Winter Concert - Annual concert presented by the Richmond Symphony Youth Orchestra. Free – 7pm-8pm.

PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center, with the support of Facebook, has developed a practical toolkit that students can use to hold bullying prevention events. “Unite Against Bullying: A Student Event Planning Guide” is a free step-by-step guide that helps students plan, promote, and execute a variety of events designed to raise awareness of bullying prevention and generate support for the cause.

This is a great opportunity to make a difference for kids who have been bullied!

The guide has everything you need to create an event – large or small – including ways to use Facebook groups to publicize the event, create a conversation with your peers, and share information and photos. PACER’s would love to know what you are up to. That way they can highlight select stories on PACER’s bullying prevention websites and on Facebook’s “Stop Bullying: Speak Up” campaign pages where millions of supporters will be inspired by your efforts.

Student-led initiatives make a powerful statement that bullying is not acceptable. Have a look at the guide right now and be sure to share it with others via Facebook.

For more information, please visit PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center.

Thank you for being a true Champion Against Bullying!

Article Source: PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center

(Image credit: Detroit News, John M. Galloway/AP Photo)

When I read the story about the young teen who was bullied and tricked by classmates into thinking they really wanted her to be the school’s homecoming queen, it brought tears to my eyes. Although it may have ended with what seems like a “Cinderella  ending”, it was far from anything magical.

Whitney Kropp, a student at a Michigan high school, was nominated as a prank for homecoming court by her classmates. Imagine her embarrassment and humliation to learn that it was all a big joke on her. She had endured bullying from classmates before, – likely because she didn’t fit their idea of the perfect teen. Maybe it was her hair, or her clothes, or even the way she walked. This time, she says she even considered killing herself.

Who knows why anyone decides to bully another person?

But rather than sit back and pity herself for long, Whitney decided to step up to the challenge. And boy did she show them! The entire community stood behind her once word was out about what had happened. A local salon owner donated services to make sure this young girl had everything she needed to represent her class at homecoming. Others bought her dinner, gown, shoes, and accessories for the dance to make her feel like Cinderella. And they even made t-shirts in support of Whitney. Spectators, students, and even the opposing team cheered hysterically as she took the field.

In an article on NBC News, “The kids that are bullying you do not let them bring you down,” she said. “Stand up for what you believe in, and go with your heart and go with your gut. That’s what I did and look at me now. I’m just as happy as can be.”

As a mother and grandmother, I can imagine the pain her parents felt upon hearing what was happening to their precious daughter. We all want to protect and shelter our children from mean-spirited comments and actions of others. And we never want to even think they are being bullied.  My heart aches for the parents and the young girl in this situation.

But to see how Whitney rose above it all and turned her situation into an example for others to see is an incredible testimony to her inward and outward beauty and poise! Her ability to stand up to her classmates, her school, and her community demonstrate her strength and resilience. And her attitude towards those who sought to bully her is incredible for such a young woman. It didn’t take long for a Facebook page supporting her garnered 120,000 likes according to ABC News.

Bullying happens all too often, but thankfully, thousands of kids and adults are no longer standing for it. Katie Mardigian provided us with valuable information and resources to manage bullying in a recent article.  If you know someone who is being bullied, take action and do something about it. Together, we can make a difference.

As for Whitney Kropp, she is on the pathway to a brighter future because of her actions and strength to ignore the bullies and live her life the way she wants to live!

Man, all of that sounds both obviously simple and frustratingly difficult at the same time.

Luckily, we as parents are not alone.  The Federal Government continues to publish useful, real-world information for parents and educators on how to identify, respond to, and prevent bullying situations at www.StopBullying.gov.  The comprehensive site includes information on common risk factors and warning signs, such as changes in eating habits, declining grades or self-destructive behaviors that adults can look for throughout the school year.

Also highlighted on the site is a toolkit that adults and schools can use to jumpstart school-based and community-based programs to help prevent bullying, as well as specific steps to follow to respond to existing bullying behaviors.

Because our children can spend much of their time online, www.StopBullying.gov also has information on cyberbullying as well as a section written specifically for kids that includes videos and games that help deliver useful information in a kid-relatable format.

This is especially important, points out Susan Brown, Assistant Director of Commonwealth Parenting, because involving our kids in the discussion and solutions is critical to the success of any prevention programs we put in place.

Susan shares the following reminders for parents as we gear up for the new school year:

– Be watchful of areas where bullying is most likely to occur, such as the bus stop.  Organize with neighbors to have a parent present each morning and afternoon to deter bullying situations.

– Create an environment of openness and understanding with your children, where they are free to share.  Kids will open up if they feel safe and heard.

– Pay close attention to your child’s behavior at home – for example if he or she is feigning illness to not go to school, find out the root of the problem.

– If you suspect your child is being bullied, get on top of the issue immediately, rather than take a wait-and-see approach.  If you suspect the situation is ongoing or dangerous, click here for more information on what to do.

– Parents should respectfully but persistently expect schools to be involved with this issue, both in a preventative manner but also with each bullying incidence that arises with their students, be it at school, on the bus, or online.

Regardless of whether or not your child is being bullied, is at risk of becoming a bully, has been a bystander, or perhaps an UPstander, as a parent you absolutely have a child who fits somewhere on the bullying spectrum.  This issue belongs to us all.

We at Richmondmom.com want to thank our readers and sponsors who have participated in and supported this ongoing discussion. Thank you to those who have helped supply us with information, perspectives, personal stories and expertise. You are our partners in this and together we can create school environments where all of our children feel safe and supported.

NOTE: Be sure and check out the valuable information and tips in the Brain Balance newsletter. Click here.

To many, having a learning disability is more than just having a difficult time learning.  It is often a huge barrier that must be crossed every time the person wants or needs to communicate, whether at school, out shopping, ordering at a restaurant, or even hanging out with friends.  It’s not that the person doesn’t know what they want or doesn’t know how to interact in these situations; sometimes it just takes more time to process information and find the right words to say.

In many instances, this extra time to think and find the right words to say immediately creates negative perceptions by others.  When someone without a learning disability interacts with a person that does, they may become impatient, irritated, confused, or even scared because this experience is unknown to them.  The real tragedy here is that this can lead to people with learning disabilities feeling like it’s their responsibility to keep their voices down, their opinions unheard.

Quinn Bradlee, Founder of Friends of Quinn

Quinn Bradlee, son of bestselling author Sally Quinn and Washington Post Executive Editor Ben Bradlee, was born with Velo-Cardio-Facial Syndrome (VCFS), a little-understood disorder that affects 1 in 2000 people and is expressed through a wide range of physical ailments and learning disabilities.  After graduating from the Gow School and attending The Lab School in Washington, D.C., Quinn wrote his memoir, A Different Life: Growing Up Learning Disabled and Other Adventures. He wanted to share his experiences of growing up in order to show that it was more of a difference than a disability.

While doing this work, he realized there were no definitive resources out there for people like him that would help them become empowered, and that is why he started Friends of Quinn, an online resource.  Friends of Quinn is more than just a website with helpful information; it’s also a space where people aged 18 to 35 with learning differences (aka disabilities) and their families can come to have frank discussions about issues that impact all of us, such as moving out and life after graduation, dating, overcoming bullying, and other topics.  Members of Friends of Quinn are encouraged to share fun information about themselves to spark new friendships, ask questions about things that are troubling them, and find answers from others that have had similar experiences.

The mission of Friends of Quinn is simple: You have a difference, but you have to own it.  As Sally Quinn wrote in a recent blog post, it’s like coming out of the closet for some!  Earlier this month Quinn wrote about his experiences for the Huffington Post; you can read it (and share!) here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/quinn-bradlee/learning-disabilities_b_1571541.html

Check out Friends of Quinn to get resources and feel more comfortable sharing your voice!  Spread the word about Friends of Quinn as a resource & community for people with learning differences.

Click here to watch a video about Quinn Bradlee and Friends of Quinn.

On Facebook: www.facebook.com/friendsofquinn

On Twitter: www.twitter.com/friendsofquinn @friendsofquinn

So, what can we do about this? 

Without the help of school officials, we won’t be able to fully resolve this issue, so we’ll need to create a partnership with them on this issue.  According to Susan Brown of Commonwealth Parenting, the best way to do this is to go to them in a collegial, collaborative manner, already having done our homework on the current bullying policies, bullying statistics, and with a list of ideas on how to work together.  Our schools want the best for our kids, and perhaps when anger and blame are taken out of the equation they’ll feel more comfortable partnering with us on the issue.

While we can’t force the state of Virginia to create clearer and more comprehensive bullying policies, we can and should work with our individual schools.  Pull together a task force of teachers, parents, students and administrators to assess current policies and find room for improvement.

According to www.stopbullying.gov, an effective school policy should include: A code of conduct specifying that each student is entitled a safe learning experience free of discrimination, violence and bullying; a clear description of school responses to bullying behaviors; and a confidential reporting system that tracks incidences, responses and trends over time.

• We can start talking clearly and regularly to our children about how we expect them to treat their peers.  Respect and empathy is every child’s right; it is not reserved for those who fit some particular criteria or mold.
• We can teach our children to embrace and respect our differences, and that someone who might look or act different than them on the outside is still just like them on the inside.
• We can encourage our kids to participate in programs such as the Special Olympics’ “Volunteer to Cheer” program to show our children that it is our duty and privilege to get to know and support our peers who have special needs or disabilities.
• We as parents can model more positive, less divisive behaviors.  Not always easy to do during these years of social disagreement and upheaval, but more important than ever.
• We can work to get our schools to show the “Bully” documentary to students.  The film is PG-13, appropriate for tweens and teens, and is a very effective conversation starter.  See The Bully Project to join the effort to bring “Bully” to your child’s school and to download professionally written parenting and teacher viewing guides.
• We can communicate to state and local agencies that we expect them to create better educational programs and a clearer, stronger system for identifying and disciplining bullies that also provides them with the right behavioral and psychological help to guide them down a better path, while providing a safe and supportive environment for victims to come forward.
• We can encourage our children to have the courage to stand up for their peers, to say no to bullying, to create a school environment where being “upstanders” instead of “bystanders” is the norm.

But the bottom line is that we must find a way to work together, as teachers, parents, children and professionals, to find ways to solve this problem, before any more children are lost.

It’s important to continue the conversation about bullying.  Involve as many people as possible until we have a critical mass big enough that real, lasting changes are made.  Please send us your thoughts, stories, questions, whatever is on your mind about bullying so we can keep the conversation going.

The more we talk and communicate, the more solutions we will find and the louder our voices will be.

According to Stop Bullying, bullying is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.  The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time.  This is more than the typical playground dispute or social one-upmanship common in schools.  It’s the verbal, physical, emotional abuse that some children are experiencing at the hands of other children that can have significant long-term negative affects.  For those who saw the “Bully” documentary, many had their eyes opened to just how bad it can get and how little we as adults have been able to do so far to stop it.

An eclectic group showed up for the Town Hall Meeting – there were concerned parents, parenting experts, a group of YMCA camp counselors (BIG props to the Y for such a great showing!), Virginia Commonwealth’s Attorney Shannon Taylor, and other professionals who spend their careers defending and protecting the children of Virginia.  But there was an obvious missing link in the room – there were no representatives from Richmond area schools, and this seemed glaringly indicative of one of the main issues that is prohibitive of eradicating bullying in our communities and schools.

Without the partnership of our schools, we can’t successfully attack this issue.

Various schools were contacted and some even agreed to join the Town Hall, but none showed.  It’s possible that school officials are feeling targeted by parents who are looking for answers and don’t feel comfortable speaking out on this issue.  Certainly the “Bully” documentary did not paint school administrators in a favorable light.

So how do we involve the schools, the people who spend as much or more time with our children as we do? 

Source: http://www.stopbullying.gov/

According to Susan Brown, we need to assure them we are ready to partner with them, not point fingers and blame.  We need to create a collaborative alliance with our schools, to come together as a team to create more a more effective and proactive approach to identifying, remedying, and preventing bullying.

According to Brown, another hurdle to solving the bullying problem is the common misconception that bullying is a sort of rite of passage for children.  Some people insist that “kids will be kids” or “I went through it and survived”.  But Ms. Brown pointed out that today’s bullying is more far-reaching and violent than in the past.

Studies show that kids are exposed to more violence at earlier ages than ever before, and it’s no wonder that this violence is making its way to our playgrounds and buses.  Additionally, our kids have the added complexity of the internet.  In earlier generations, bullying victims could escape their abusers after school and at least have a few hours of respite.  But today, the bullying is spilling over to social media sites, texts and emails, and there is no relief.  And with the impersonal nature of the internet, kids are more willing to say things online they normally wouldn’t face to face.

During the Town Hall, several people shared their experiences with bullying, including some of the YMCA camp counselors who aren’t very far removed from their own childhood.  They remember feeling that the adults in their lives were ineffectual in resolving their issues.  Teachers and principals unsure what to say offered half-resolutions such as “sit next to the bus driver” or “just stay away from that kid”.  Today, these young adults who are responsible for the after-school and summertime care of many of Richmond’s children agree that a new, stronger approach is needed to stop bullies and empower their victims.

Source: http://www.stopbullying.gov/

One mother shared the story of her son who has been relentlessly bullied at school.  After several meetings with school officials who acknowledged that they did not know how to resolve the situation, she was forced to remove her child from his school for his own safety.  She was told by the county that moving schools, which would have allowed him to continue his education in safe environment, was not an option.  Her son is still out of school.  She says that since no one was able to stop his bully, her only hope is that he goes back to school a stronger kid so he can better stand up for himself.

Another parent recounted a story of how his son came to the aid of a female classmate who was dealing with repeated unwanted advances by a boy on the bus.  This boy was dropping an object down the back of the girl’s shirt, and then going after it to retrieve it.  His son took the object away from the boy to stop the invasion of her space – he came to her rescue in a non-violent manner.  But he was the one who was suspended.  After the father went in to talk with school officials about how his son should not be punished for standing up for a friend and stopping a bully, the principal agreed to retract the suspension, but sadly these types of “zero tolerance” policies in which victims or defenders are punished are common and can lead to kids not reporting their bullies and not standing up for themselves.

The group also discussed the issue of funding for new bully prevention programs during a time of tightening school budgets.  How do we find money for all this?  Volunteers in the community can offer time and expertise, but programs almost always need capital.  A woman in the back row offered this sage advice: Go out and get it.  She spoke of a program she started in Richmond City schools called “Be Kind on Wednesday” where she had the children commit to clearly stated respectful behaviors, and those who did were awarded with computers and bicycles.

Where did she get the money for all this?  She marched right into Walmart and CVS and asked for it.  Many are corporations are looking for ways to invest in community projects.  Financial backing from local businesses combined with organized and energized community members can lead to some real change.

It became clear during the two hour discussion that different people can bring different expertise, power and ideas to the table, and the idea was born that perhaps schools can create a task force made up of parents, teachers, students and health professionals to assess current bullying policies to come up with ways they can be made more effective.

There was one final member of the Town Hall audience I didn’t mention.  His name was Jonathan, and he’s in 6^th grade.  After seeing “Bully” with his mom, he said he felt saddened that kids didn’t always have somewhere to go for help.  As they left the theater, he said to his mother, “Mom, I’ve just got to do something.”

If Jonathan is willing to try, shouldn’t we join him?

Check back soon for Part 2 of the Anti-Bullying Town Hall Recap,  for ideas on how we as parents can foster empathy and compassion in our children and empower them to stand up for themselves and others.  As always, we welcome your thoughts, ideas, questions and stories, so please feel free to comment and keep the discussion open!

If your family is dealing with bullying and don’t know where to turn for help, there are some resources you can use today.  Check out www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now or call LIFELINE at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for immediate assistance.  Richmondmom.com is compiling a more detailed list of resources available for parents and children.  Please contact kate@richmondmom.com if you have any to contribute to this list.

On Thursday, May 17, 2012 from 7:00-8:30 pm RichmondMom.com and Commonwealth Parenting are presenting a Town Hall evening of discussion and resources for parents and educators. This event is hosted by Canterbury Community Preschool.

According to Commonwealth Parenting, more than 13 million children are bullied each year. This is more than an unkind word or a rough shove. For many children, bullying goes on for months and sometimes years, and is systematic and unrelenting. Parents are often unaware of the full extent of the punishment their children are taking, and in some cases schools do nothing or intervene in ways that are ineffectual; sometimes making things worse.

Please join us for this important free event!  Seating is limited to 50. Register online here. For more information, please call 804-545-1272.

Click here for previous posts on this topic.

There’s still time to go see “Bully” at the Regal Westhampton on Grove Avenue, but time is running out.  The Westhampton plans to screen the movie through this Thursday, May 3^rd.  As busy parents, our schedules are always packed and there’s never enough time in the week to get everything done.  But, for those of us with school aged children, carving out time to see “Bully” may be one of the most valuable uses of our time imaginable in these important, formative years.

“Bully” isn’t a flashy production.  It isn’t narrated by a famous actor and doesn’t have a giant advertising budget.  It doesn’t need all that.  The stories in this film are important enough that they speak for themselves.  “Bully” follows children and their families through the course of a school year as they cope with constant, vicious torment at the hands of their peers.  The victims in this film are typical children – they are brothers or sisters, hard-working students, sports fans – but they are also the targets of bullies because of some perceived ‘weakness’ or ‘difference’ that is completely out of their control.  One child is small for his age because of a premature birth, one child has recently come out to her friends and peers.  One child we don’t even get to meet on film because he has already taken his life in a desperate attempt to end his pain, leaving parents and siblings behind to wonder what the hell their loved one had ever done to deserve this.

“Bully” shines a spotlight on all the players involved in a childhood bullying scenario – which is crucial to helping us the viewers see where we’re letting our children down.  Hard working, well meaning parents can be oblivious to their child’s ongoing torment.  Even when asking the straight-forward question, “How was your bus ride today?” they don’t see that their child is not being forthcoming, shielding them from the painful and embarrassing truth.  When school officials are confronted by upset parents about the chronic emotional and physical abuse their kids are enduring at school and on the bus, they quickly become defensive, claiming that when they rode that bus to investigate the kids were “as good as gold”.

“Bully” is eye-opening and tough to watch, and exactly what we need to be made aware of just how bad bullying has become in our communities.  It’s also a testimony to what the grieving parents left behind can do and already have done in the wake of the loss of their child.  They hold rallies, they spread the word, they share their child’s story over and over again until people get the message.  Those parents deserve to have our attention, and our commitment that we will work to put an end to this growing problem.

“Parents play a vital role in supporting their kids, promoting upstander rather than bystander behavior, and teaching and modeling empathy in the home.” – Thebullyproject.com

But for all its painful, honest imagery, “Bully” also has a message of hope.  There are children and families and teachers out there who want to stand up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.  And when their eyes are opened, they rise to the challenge, helping us realize that we can do the same.

Take the time to go see “Bully” while it’s playing here in Richmond.  Take your children to see it.  It truly is a PG-13 level film appropriate for middle- and high-schoolers and some older elementary children as well.  Let your children’s schools know that you’d like it to be shown to the students, teachers and administrators, and that there are viewing and discussion guides available at http://thebullyproject.com/.

And then join RichmondMom.com and Commonwealth Parenting for an Anti-bullying Town Hall discussion on May 17^th at 7:00 pm at Canterbury Community Preschool.   We’ll discuss the “Bully” film, and, more importantly, how bullying can be identified, terminated, and prevented in our schools.

Visit Thebullyproject.com for information on types of bullying, prevention, and how to get help right now if you or someone you know is being bullied.