On the evening of May 17th, a group of parents and community members came together to discuss the growing issue of bullying in our 
children’s lives. Led by Susan Brown, Assistant Director of Commonwealth Parenting, the goal of the evening was to hear from community members how bullying is affecting their children today, learn about resources available for families, and generate ideas for how we can more effectively tackle this issue going forward.
According to Stop Bullying, bullying is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. This is more than the typical playground dispute or social one-upmanship common in schools. It’s the verbal, physical, emotional abuse that some children are experiencing at the hands of other children that can have significant long-term negative affects. For those who saw the “Bully” documentary, many had their eyes opened to just how bad it can get and how little we as adults have been able to do so far to stop it.
An eclectic group showed up for the Town Hall Meeting – there were concerned parents, parenting experts, a group of YMCA camp counselors (BIG props to the Y for such a great showing!), Virginia Commonwealth’s Attorney Shannon Taylor, and other professionals who spend their careers defending and protecting the children of Virginia. But there was an obvious missing link in the room – there were no representatives from Richmond area schools, and this seemed glaringly indicative of one of the main issues that is prohibitive of eradicating bullying in our communities and schools.
Without the partnership of our schools, we can’t successfully attack this issue.
Various schools were contacted and some even agreed to join the Town Hall, but none showed. It’s possible that school officials are feeling targeted by parents who are looking for answers and don’t feel comfortable speaking out on this issue. Certainly the “Bully” documentary did not paint school administrators in a favorable light.
So how do we involve the schools, the people who spend as much or more time with our children as we do?
Source: http://www.stopbullying.gov/
According to Susan Brown, we need to assure them we are ready to partner with them, not point fingers and blame. We need to create a collaborative alliance with our schools, to come together as a team to create more a more effective and proactive approach to identifying, remedying, and preventing bullying.
According to Brown, another hurdle to solving the bullying problem is the common misconception that bullying is a sort of rite of passage for children. Some people insist that “kids will be kids” or “I went through it and survived”. But Ms. Brown pointed out that today’s bullying is more far-reaching and violent than in the past.
Studies show that kids are exposed to more violence at earlier ages than ever before, and it’s no wonder that this violence is making its way to our playgrounds and buses. Additionally, our kids have the added complexity of the internet. In earlier generations, bullying victims could escape their abusers after school and at least have a few hours of respite. But today, the bullying is spilling over to social media sites, texts and emails, and there is no relief. And with the impersonal nature of the internet, kids are more willing to say things online they normally wouldn’t face to face.
During the Town Hall, several people shared their experiences with bullying, including some of the YMCA camp counselors who aren’t very far removed from their own childhood. They remember feeling that the adults in their lives were ineffectual in resolving their issues. Teachers and principals unsure what to say offered half-resolutions such as “sit next to the bus driver” or “just stay away from that kid”. Today, these young adults who are responsible for the after-school and summertime care of many of Richmond’s children agree that a new, stronger approach is needed to stop bullies and empower their victims.
Source: http://www.stopbullying.gov/
One mother shared the story of her son who has been relentlessly bullied at school. After several meetings with school officials who acknowledged that they did not know how to resolve the situation, she was forced to remove her child from his school for his own safety. She was told by the county that moving schools, which would have allowed him to continue his education in safe environment, was not an option. Her son is still out of school. She says that since no one was able to stop his bully, her only hope is that he goes back to school a stronger kid so he can better stand up for himself.
Another parent recounted a story of how his son came to the aid of a female classmate who was dealing with repeated unwanted advances by a boy on the bus. This boy was dropping an object down the back of the girl’s shirt, and then going after it to retrieve it. His son took the object away from the boy to stop the invasion of her space – he came to her rescue in a non-violent manner. But he was the one who was suspended. After the father went in to talk with school officials about how his son should not be punished for standing up for a friend and stopping a bully, the principal agreed to retract the suspension, but sadly these types of “zero tolerance” policies in which victims or defenders are punished are common and can lead to kids not reporting their bullies and not standing up for themselves.
The group also discussed the issue of funding for new bully prevention programs during a time of tightening school budgets. How do we find money for all this? Volunteers in the community can offer time and expertise, but programs almost always need capital. A woman in the back row offered this sage advice: Go out and get it. She spoke of a program she started in Richmond City schools called “Be Kind on Wednesday” where she had the children commit to clearly stated respectful behaviors, and those who did were awarded with computers and bicycles.
Where did she get the money for all this? She marched right into Walmart and CVS and asked for it. Many are corporations are looking for ways to invest in community projects. Financial backing from local businesses combined with organized and energized community members can lead to some real change.
It became clear during the two hour discussion that different people can bring different expertise, power and ideas to the table, and the idea was born that perhaps schools can create a task force made up of parents, teachers, students and health professionals to assess current bullying policies to come up with ways they can be made more effective.
There was one final member of the Town Hall audience I didn’t mention. His name was Jonathan, and he’s in 6th grade. After seeing “Bully” with his mom, he said he felt saddened that kids didn’t always have somewhere to go for help. As they left the theater, he said to his mother, “Mom, I’ve just got to do something.”
If Jonathan is willing to try, shouldn’t we join him?
Check back soon for Part 2 of the Anti-Bullying Town Hall Recap, for ideas on how we as parents can foster empathy and compassion in our children and empower them to stand up for themselves and others. As always, we welcome your thoughts, ideas, questions and stories, so please feel free to comment and keep the discussion open!
If your family is dealing with bullying and don’t know where to turn for help, there are some resources you can use today. Check out www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now or call LIFELINE at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for immediate assistance. Richmondmom.com is compiling a more detailed list of resources available for parents and children. Please contact [email protected] if you have any to contribute to this list.
