If I had a dollar for every time I had this conversation I’d be a millionaire. Then I’d find an expert to package up this information into a
This COULD be me . . .not.
book which I’d gladly give as a gift to each person who has asked me this question. Although I’m quite sure such an expert does not exist, and such a book can’t be written for each woman’s needs.
So, you’re stuck with me, a chick who is far from a millionaire but may have some advice in this arena to help you, and fellow readers please share your experiences, too.
Here’s a few things I’ve learned that have helped me keep working and maintain incredible amounts of moderate sanity:
photo courtesy ultimateclassicrock.com
1) You’ve Gotta Fight for Your Right . . .To a Flex Schedule. (Yeah, I miss MCA, too, but that’s another blog post.)
The minute I found out I was pregnant (which was at 4 weeks, because I’m a psycho and was so excited) the plan to work a < forty-hour workweek began, and after completion I politely requested a meeting with my managers to campaign for said schedule. They were fairly hesitant at first, but came around.
The question arose: “what if we can’t provide this arrangement?” and I answered without thinking: “I’d have to leave the company,” knowing I wouldn’t want to.
They did agree and it was a tough compromise as financially I lost all of my benefits, my bonus and about half of my income, but the time with my baby boy was invaluable. As the first in my team (and almost in the company at that point) to work this schedule there was pressure to perform and to model success, and I worked hard to do it. It paid off, and I feel like I was a huge part of his baby-hood.
When I took a different position with another company I negotiated the same schedule, to slight resistance, but stood firm in my
Our whole brood, photo courtesy of Real Life Studios.
wishes and determination to make a difference in < forty hours per week. It worked, and kid two was born a year or so later.
2) Everyone’s home life is different, the arrangement has to work for you.
When the brood grew and my then three kids were all five-and-under (all born within five years) it was easier to have a nanny come in and I worked a thirty-two hour work-week with a three-mile commute. We’d done the day-care and in-home care route and all the driving made me crazy.
And number three was . . .a little princess. Heaven Help Us All.
This schedule allowed me to experience meaningful work and build my career in project management and spend quality time with the kids because my schedule was clearly communicated from the get-go (and I’m the type who will always respond, phone in hand, if needed.)
I had the support at home & my kids were happy with the arrangement; as needed I’d pay my nanny more to help me with housework when I really needed it. But lots of women have told me they wouldn’t like this schedule, preferring to be completely “off” during off-hours vs. answering emails and occasional calls. It’s important to know what support is at home & what works for you.
3) No one is going to do it for you. You’ve got to champion your schedule and manage expectations.
This was a big realization for me, and I would keep keen eyes on schedules and make adjustments when needed–making arrangements to come in for a meeting when I was scheduled to be home and swapping the time out elsewhere as to not put others out, or calling in.
The more I did this, the more my coworkers were willing to schedule meetings when I was in the office (when possible) and were really supportive of my schedule. For that, I’m forever grateful and pay it forward whenever I can.
4) Having several work situations throughout your children’s lives is okay. Really!
I went back to working a forty-hour week when my oldest was almost nine; I was frightened that I’d never get to see them (especially with a long commute) but have been pleasantly surprised that as I continued to work hard and prove my dedication, flexibility was again offered.
Feeling guilty that my daughter had to be in day care full time (the first of my kids to do so) was a painful side effect. Many days, though, I’m able to get the kids off the bus after school, spend quality time with all three and work a bit at night. We are lucky and have a great friend/neighbor who helps me when I’m not able to pick them up (or the hubs tries to help too.)
Because I’d taken two years out of Corp. America to launch this blog and the economy tanked I lost my street cred and with it, my former salary. Taking the hit to two-thirds former salary and no benefits paid off again, though, as I was converted from contractor into a position with benefits and better earnings.
Was it scary? HELL YES.
Did it bother the kids? HELL YES.
Did it bother me? Well of course it did, silly. But we’ve all adjusted and because I can do some of my work nights and have a trusty iPhone I can still often flex to make field trips, honor roll assemblies, etc.
We’ll keep talking about this, I just wanted to open the dialogue as it seems to come up, day after day in conversations with the girls. Love to hear your thoughts!
