Sometimes, I feel like I’m running out of time. As birthdays pass and seasons change, I take stock of what I have–and haven’t–gotten around to yet.
For instance: It’s a big, scary, wonderful idea, the notion of having children. So many thoughts and expectations attach themselves to the first hopeful imaginings of bearing a child; it’s no wonder so many of us long for it and fear it at the same time.
Last week, I realized that I would not live up to a wishful dream I’ve had since I was 8 or 9: I won’t have my first baby at 26, the same age my mom was when she had me. My 27th birthday is only in a few days, and nobody calls me Mama. But the most startling part of this realization? The relief. Honestly, I’m not sure I’m ready for a baby right at the moment, and my work hours wouldn’t be conducive to my ideal style of motherhood. On other days, I’m a little bit jealous of all the cute baby bumps in my timeline, and I might sigh out loud as I pen another “Congrats on your new baby!” note. This uncertainty is familiar to me now, and I’m used to the cycle of questioning. Is it wrong to feel this way? Are women who pursue careers selfish? I ask myself a thousand times a week, and wondered if the women around me thought about these things, too.
Enter Amy.
Amy Lacey is married, and an anchor/reporter at 8News. Amy is happy in her career, which she’s pursued since 5th grade. She volunteers, and has a special passion for animals. She is also asked when she will have children at least 2-3 times a week by complete strangers.
I asked her, what’s one of the biggest challenges facing women her age? Without flinching, she responded “The biological clock!” With colorful and unguarded candor, Amy went on to explain her personal reasoning behind her answer. When’s she’s asked about when she’ll have kids of her own, she feels a sense of urgency behind the question, and an unspoken clause: Hurry, have a child before it’s too late! She explained that people don’t realize that she simply wants to mirror her own stable upbringing, where her parents were always available. From this perspective, it seems to make more sense for her to wait to start a family until her work hours are more regular. But sometimes, she questions herself, too.
Amy helped me realize that the challenges and questions I face are spread before all women. We live in a complex world, but some simple truths remain. For one, women still have the right to decide what should happen with their bodies…including whether and when they should have kids. So ladies, if you’re stressing over when you’ll get married…when you’ll have a baby…whether you should move across the country for a really great job…just stop.
Am I doing the right thing? We’re always asking ourselves familiar questions, in an effort to be the best mother, sister, wife, girlfriend or grandma we can be. In the midst of your questioning and your uncertainty, remember: you are in control of your life, and therefore your destiny. Don’t focus on what you haven’t accomplished yet, put that energy towards working on your goals and pressing steadily towards your future. Amy reminds us, “You get absolutely one chance to live…you need to make that one shot the best it can be.”
