When children are babies, the term “self-soothe” gets thrown around a lot. Mostly as an insult. Either: Your child will never learn to self-soothe because you pick them up when they cry and co-sleep, so you’re creating a needy serial killer. Or: You think you’re teaching self-soothing by letting them cry, but you’re creating a emotionally void serial killer.
As my children are way past the ages where those insults means anything to me and they haven’t killed any pets, I am hoping that they will learn to self-soothe in a new way. I want my children, at times, to be self-players. Okay, that sounds creepy. How about: Self-soothing-play-by-yourself-ers. Honestly, I wish self-soothe had nothing to do with sleeping infants, which should really be a family-led decision, and had everything to do with preschoolers and older children playing by themselves for periods of time according to age, ability and parenting sanity.
I could get behind this new self-soothe movement. I would buy all the books. I would stop doling out small drips of television like a drug that allowed me to not burn dinner and have a clean playroom for FIVE WHOLE MINUTES.
Of course, my husband and I tell our kids: You can play by yourself right now.
And sometimes it is bliss. I sent aside my odd guilt sending them off, and they play together or separately and I GET STUFF DONE. Or I secretly read a book that has nothing to do with Flat Stanleys or princesses and the moral of my story is terrible and exactly the way life works.
But sometimes it is too quiet.
Why yes that is my daughter painting her toes during her self-soothe time.
Overall, I’m not complaining because our kids are pretty good self-soothe-players. The other morning, they played together with no need for parent anything for three hours straight — to the point that I ran out of things to do. It’s just unpredictability of it which kills me. If I finally start sorting through the front closet, the self-soothing would end with half of the coats in the halfway and the other half in my arms and none in the attic. But if I stare at my computer getting nothing done, the self-soothe goes on and on and on.
So we need a movement with practical application so I can make this more predictable with less toenail polish. And we should take back the word “self-soothe” in the process because we all want kids who play by themselves on occasion, and I hate how it’s used to make tired moms and dads feel like they are breaking their babies.
My only concern is who will I blame my messy house on once we begin?
