By Rosemary Burns
When I was twenty-five, and then again at twenty-eight years old I gave birth to my first and second babies. When I was forty, and then again at forty-five years old I gave birth to my third and fourth babies. I am now, wait a second let me think. umm, oh yes, I am now fifty-one years old and it occurs to me that I was a very different mom to the first two than I am to the second two kids.
Of course I occasionally hear whining from the older two kids that I let the younger two kids get away with far more stuff than I EVER let them do when they were the same age…! (Maybe I did? I can’t remember),-but kids DO remember-forever! My siblings and I still play that same favoritism game whenever we gather with my mom I have to admit.
But, if I think about it, I guess I am a different mom in some ways with the two sets of kids. Especially dealing with the ‘tween’ years. For instance, some would have called me an over-protective mother. In my defense, I was raised by an F.B.I. Special Agent father and was constantly warned of the potential dangers lurking around every corner.
The older kids grew up in my hometown of Arlington, Virginia. It is now very much a city with all the benefits and drawbacks that a city offers. My second set of kids live in the Henrico suburbs. Like I said, I was raised to be a cautious person, so I drove my kids everywhere instead of letting them walk by themselves to school, sport practices, or friends houses. The kids didn’t complain, most of their friends parents did the same thing too. Of course, this did cause my kids to lag behind in learning to ride a bike or develop a love of jogging or simply taking a walk!
In fact, I clearly remember my older daughter being ‘a tween’ and wanted to walk, by herself, to her BFF’s house five doors away-I would stand on my front porch and her friend’s mom would be standing on her front porch and together we would watch and would use our imaginary protective mother shields to assure that she arrived safely, then do the same thing in reverse when she came home…
My second daughter who is now ‘a tween’ herself, eh, I let her walk home from school-but, she has a cell phone in her pocket. (Cell phones were not invented when my first two kids were adolescents. Or were they? I can’t remember…)
I began talking about puberty to my kids practically the day they were born. Having older nephews and nieces I was aware that puberty was beginning earlier than it seemed to with my generation. Girls were getting their period at nine and ten years old for pete’s sake! I was determined to not let my kids be in the dark as I was, because some things were not openly addressed in my home growing up. Kind of strange beeing that my parents had eight kids!
Anyway…I have always had books lying around the house for a kid to leaf through if they so desired on various bodily functions. General books on how the human body works. Books on how babies are made, how they develop and are born. Books on puberty, of both sexes, so you don’t grow up ignorant. Books on nutrition, health and illnesses. I am far from a perfect parent, but I just feel a kid should be able to find out what they are curious about.
My first two kids went through puberty fairly easily I think. No major traumas to report. I think. (I can’t remember…) They are pretty comforable talking about most things with me still. The second set of kids have the benefit of knowing at an even earlier age, almost like through miosis, of what’s what in the body functioning department. My seven-year-old son knows what the feminine protection products in the bathroom closet are for because they are not hidden away. I actually know a fourteen-year-old boy who did not know what the commercial was advertising when a Tampax ad came on TV!? Curiously, my present ‘tweener’ shies away from discussing emotional and/or physical stuff with me-but, she DOES have the books 
Seems to me I used to waste much more time worrying about little things with my older kids. Time that I could have better spent being productive in other ways. Sure, they made some decisions that I was not in favor of-but hey, they’ve turned out to be decent young adults. I used to try to monitor their TV watching habits. I loved watching TGIF with them when they were ‘tweens’…The lineup of shows was great; Full House, Family Matters, Sabrina, and their favorite, Boy Meets World-such innocence…
Now, when I watch TV with my twelve-year-old daughter we have marathon viewings of The Office and Parks and Rec. Sometimes they can be a bit inappropriate for her but then again, she is very tolerant and accepting of other folks lifestyles and beliefs than I ever was at that age…I’m just sayin’….
One more way in that I’m a different mom to the second set of kids than I was to the first is that I have had to deal with loss. The first two kids had two great-grandmothers who died. They both had lived long lives and it was sad but understandable. My second set of kids have experienced the death of a close grandfather, an uncle, a classmate’s father, and just last week a sixteen-year-old sibling of a close friend. They understand a lot earlier how fragile life truly is. I never really had to deal with these issues much with the older kids.
Yes. I am a different mom to my second set of kids than I was to the first set. I like to think I’m a better one, I’m certainly more ‘chill’ than I was. A bit less over-protective. A lot wiser. More experienced. More accepting. More compassionate. Definitely, more tired!
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