Lazy Math: A One Act Family Play

By Alex Iwashyna, blogger at Late Enough

The Characters:

Me = Me.
E = My four-year-old son.
N = My two-year-old daughter who was either missing or napping.
Scott = My husband, their dad and the smartest man I know to not know stuff.

The Scene:
Family room in Richmond, Virginia with a kitchen twenty feet away. Two members of a seemingly normal family are resting on the couch. The third is playing with matchbox cars.

E: I’m thirsty. Dada, get me water!

Scott: You can get yourself water.

E: But I’m LAZY.

{unhelpful giggling from the peanut gallery, also known as me}

Scott: Well, I’m lazier.

E: I’m a million times lazy!

Scott: I’m a million PLUS ONE times lazy.

E: Well, I’m a billion times lazy.

Scott: Well, I’m a trillion times lazy.

Me: E, quick! Come over to Mama and I’ll teach you how to win.

Scott: NOOOOOOOO! DON’T GO OVER THERE!

{E runs like the wind to me.}

Me: E, say “I’m infinity times lazy!”

Scott: Well, I’m a gazillion times lazy.

Me: Um, that’s not a number.

Scott: It’s not?

{pause to relish in his seriousness}

Me: You’re a doctor, right?

Scott: I’m googling it.

Me: Now, GOOGLE — that’s a number.

Scott: Shush-up.

E: Um, can I have some water?

Close curtain as audience applauds mostly for themselves since they are the better, smarter parents. Our work here is done. {bowing}