Michelle Garcia
One of the fun things about getting older is that you meet so many more people throughout your life. It’s fun to learn things about new friends and find out what their lives are all about.
I recently had lunch with a new friend, but she was different than any friends I’ve met in the past.
It all started out very much the same as any new friendship. A woman walked into the restaurant where I was waiting to meet someone. She was very pretty with a dynamite smile and sandy blonde hair loosely clipped up in back. You know – one of those really blessed women who can toss her hair up into a clip and look glamorous!
She was stylishly dressed in slim dark denim jeans and a beautiful turquoise waist-coat jacket with over-sized gold buttons for trendy emphasis. She was void of any earrings or other jewelry, which actually was eye-catching and simple – making her look stunning and youthful.
I noticed her designer bag right away and thought how lucky she was to be so slim, have such a beautiful face that needed no make-up, and be dressed so well. Ahhhh…..to be her and so “put together”!
And then she spoke. “Are you Rhonda?”
This was the person I was supposed to meet and our conversation progressed. It was obvious that Michelle Garcia’s appearance and her actual life’s circumstances are no longer congruent. You may recall that Michelle found herself and her 3 young children homeless overnight. Her dream home and family fell apart when her husband snapped under pressures of work and life, and became abusive.
Michelle could take it no longer and before she knew it, she was living in a shelter with little money, a broken car, no job, and 3 children. As I talked with Michelle it broke my heart to hear her story, but she wasn’t looking for sympathy. She was searching for answers and ways to improve her situation without encroaching on others and asking for hand-outs. She has come a long way in a few months, but she has a long way to go.
Making a Shelter an Adventure
Michelle and her 3 children, ages 3, 5 and 9, live in a one bedroom apartment in undisclosed location. Their bedroom is also their living room and kitchen. They share a small bathroom. They have a microwave and a small refrigerator, with little room or appliances to prepare a healthy meal.
She told me how she tried to make their situation an “adventure” for the kids. “This summer, I would take the George Foreman grill outside and we’d pretend we were grilling out. The kids thought it was so much fun. I just had to do something to get out of the one room we share,” she explained as the smiled.
The Hardest Part is Yet to Come
For Michelle, life is different today and it’s nothing like she had ever envisioned for herself. Leaving her comfortable 4-bedroom home in the West End that included a beautiful front porch, a fenced-in backyard with a jungle-gym set for the kids, and wonderful neighbors was the hardest thing she’s ever done – or so she thought.
Now she’s finding that the hardest thing is ‘keeping on’.
“I can see how women return to bad relationships after a while. It’s hard trying to make it on your own, especially with 3 kids. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. Some days I want to give up. But I know I can’t go back for the sake of the children and for myself. I know there’s something better for me and I just have to keep working and fighting for it,” she laments.
The New Norms
Michelle told me how she has become accustomed to some things being normal that were once so far from her everyday world that she had never considered them. She describes them as “my new norms”:
- Sharing one small bathroom sink with her 3 kids for brushing their teeth, washing their faces, and washing their dishes (there is no sink in the kitchen area).
- Sharing a bedroom with all 3 children – 2 in the bed beside her and her youngest tucked in bed with her.
- Eating frozen and micro-waved dinners routinely because there is no stove and little money for food to prepare.
- Arriving at an undisclosed location at 6:45 a.m. each weekday morning to meet the person who safely shuttles her children to school many miles away.
- Hanging her clothes and the clothing of her 3 children on hangers around the room because there is no closet space.
- Sharing what little she has with a woman she met in a similar situation who lives in the tiny apartment next to hers.
When our first article about Michelle ran in Richmondmom.com several weeks ago, her world lit up like a Christmas tree. Her email inbox was filled each day when she came home and she hurriedly opened it to see what people were saying. It was exhilarating and encouraging to find so many people who cared. There were some who gave money or gift cards that helped her buy gas and groceries, and she was eternally grateful – but the friendships and emails were also some of the best gifts she received.
Over the weeks, the emails have dwindled to almost none except a few from people who have stood by her. But she is not bitter and she understands that life goes on for everyone else. She is just sad that she has so few friends to talk to, and she can’t provide more for her children at this point in time. As we talked, the tears tried to flow to the surface, but it was obvious that Michelle wanted to control them as she fought to hold them back. I wondered if she were doing that because she knew they would never stop once they started – and it was hard to watch the watery pain in her eyes.
When I asked her what she needed, she said that coats for the kids for winter would be helpful, and that gift cards to Kroger allow her to buy gas to drive to her part-time job and purchase food for dinner. That’s all she needed to get by right now she said.
Imagine that life. And it could be any of us at any time for a myriad of reasons.
A Journey Chronicled
As Michelle and I left the comfort of the restaurant, I knew that I was headed to my home where my pantry is stocked, I have plenty of warm coats and shoes in my closet, I have lots of extra room and privacy in my house, and my husband is waiting. And then I remembered that she would return to her one-room apartment alone with 3 children living together with no way to cook healthy home-cooked meals or get a moment’s privacy from one another as they shared the bathroom sink and slept together.
Michelle struggles daily to figure out how she will make ends meet. She is battling the unbalanced social system of our county, state and country to get the help she needs. She was fortunate that a Richmondmom.com reader reached out and was able to offer her a part-time job while she continues to search for full time employment. She worries every day about what’s ahead, but she can’t let that stop her from doing what she has to do, and enjoying time with her children.
Interestingly, she forgives her husband because she says that she can only move forward by forgiving him and it’s actually a gift she gives herself. To do anything less would just cause her more pain and anxiety.
She walked away with a smile after hugging me and telling me how blessed she was to have her kids and a chance to make it on her own.
Interesting what one person calls a disastrous situation, another calls a blessing.
Michelle and I are working on creating a blog where she will chronicle her journey. I encouraged her to do this because it will be therapeutic to her – and she wants it to be inspirational to other women who may fall into similar circumstances. As she moves forward with her blog, we will post the link here for Richmond moms to follow her story if they choose.
And if nothing else, her “new norm” will help all of us realize how blessed we are every day — so we remember to give thanks for what we have.
Note: Michelle loves getting encouraging emails and comments so please feel free to email her at [email protected].
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