A true elementary school education is not complete without some good old fashioned playground wisdom. You know, the silly stories, urban legends, or just plain made up ridiculousness that gets circulated around at recess, spreads like wildfire, and according to the kid handbook becomes LAW.
No matter how insanely unbelievable the stories may be, it seems no amount of parental reasoning can break a child’s trust in the playground wisdom. Normally rational children will hear the most ridiculous story and trust it is completely factual if it was heard on the playground. Just a couple months into the school year, my kids have already come home with some doozies.
Recently, in the back of the car, my 5 year old says with great sadness, “Mom, McDonalds is dreadful.”
“Dreadful? Why?”
“Because they use doggies and puppies in their food and they make drinks out of human blood.”
Say what? “No, babe. Look, there aren’t many great things I can say about McDonalds, but I can say with certainty that they don’t make drinks out of human blood, and not the dog thing either.”
“But Suzy* said…”
“Don’t you think you should trust your mom more than you trust what you hear on the playground?”
Silence.
“Hello????”
Mumbling: “Yes.”
Great. I’m pretty sure my kid is convinced I would feed her dog parts as a way of getting out of making dinner. And it’s clear that my credibility with her is fading next to the Gospel According to Suzy.
And I recently heard this gem from my 2nd grader: “I heard that the guy who plays Barney killed the guy who plays Elmo!”
“Not true, babe.”
“No, it’s true! Sally told me!”
“Believe me, that did not happen.”
“Google it!!”
Ok, two things spring to mind. First, it’s insane that only 30-mumble years ago, if I had a random question to which my mom and older brother did not have the answer I had to shlep to the bookcase in our living room, pry open the trusty ol’ World Book, and hope that they had the answer to said question back when those hand-me-down World Books were published. Today, all a kid has to say is “Google it!” and the world is their oyster. Do I sound crotchety?
And second, it’s rare that I actually get to watch the news because there are little ears around who have no business hearing about murders and house fires and domestic disputes, so I’m annoyed by the fact that it might actually be possible that Barney killed Elmo and I wouldn’t even know about it. Countries have fallen, been rebuilt, and fallen again before I can steal a few minutes to catch up on some Nightly News. God, I miss Brian Williams.
But back to the topic. I know this is not a new phenomenon, kids swapping gruesome, far-fetched stories on the playground. I’m sure as kids we stood, wide-eyed, as pint-sized storytellers held us captive with their playground tales. Did you hear that Little Mikey ate pop rocks and died? Someone found razors in their Halloween candy this year! I’m sure I was just as staunch in my belief that there were spider eggs in peanut butter as my daughters are now with what they hear on the playground. And I somehow grew up ok. Wait, did you hear the world is going end next Tuesday?
*All names have been changed to protect the factually-challenged innocent. No offense to any Suzy’s or Sally’s out there.
** And please know that I was kidding about the world ending on Tuesday. That’s obviously not happening until next year.
About Katie Mardigian
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