For us, clamping down on this kid's attitude is a difficult necessity.
Our nine-year old son has developed a terrible habit of being, well, grumpy. I remember when it first started, thinking “this cannot be hormones already!” and wondering why our typically-perky eldest son seemed so sassy and and sullen all of a sudden.
For example, I pick them up each day at the bus stop, after not taking lunch, rushing through my day and having a forty-five minute trek from work to get there, if I arrived one minute past the bus doors opening he’d sneer “late again, thanks, mom!” If he woke up cranky, breakfast was a cranky experience for his siblings, too: “we never have the cereal I like, why don’t you ever buy what I want?” Every little thing was a saga, a dramatic curse that we had put upon him. I won’t belabor this point but the examples are endless.
After a particularly sullen day last week, my husband emailed me the following list, which is a detailed expectation plan for our little nine-year-old “project,” which I added to. I smiled at the thought my husband put into this, and what an engaged dad he is.
I hesitated to share our approach it as it’s quite personal–as every parent is so different–but felt it was important because so many of us deal with this,with the goal of learning from one another.
I pledge to keep you updated on the successes and challenges during this “project,” and am happy to report that after the initial “Report Out” where he bawled his eyes out at our disappointment in his behavior, the resulting few days he has shown promise.
The List:
#1 – Life isn’t fair, get over it. It’s not fair that your Mom & I have to put up with a horrible attitude, smart mouth comments, and rude behavior from someone we provide a wonderful life for.
#2 – Every morning when you get up, you get to choose your attitude. You don’t get to choose what is expected from you. Choose wisely my son. Attitudes are like mirrors, and you will begin to see that the more positive you are, the more positive responses you will receive.
#3 – More is expected from you than your brother and sister. When you were their age, less was expected from you. When they are nine, more will be expected from them. Deal with it. As you get older, we will expect even MORE. As the oldest child, you set an example for them, and we fully expect your example to be a good one. Everything you do, they watch and mimic. Make sure you are being a role model for them and for all kids.
#4 – Manners and appreciation go a long way. Want more, show some appreciation. You can do it because you want to, or because you have to, I don’t care, but you will do it.
#5 – Speak when spoken to. If an adult speaks to you, you will answer in a clear sentence. You will look that adult in the eye. If it is a guest, you will look them in the eye and shake their hand. You will make all guests feel welcomed in our home and greet them.
#6 – Smart-alec remarks will not be tolerated. Want to be jerk, save it for your friends, and see how long they put up with it.
#7 – We owe you nothing except food and shelter. The sooner you understand that, the easier #4 will be.
#8 – You do not talk back or argue with adults.
#9 – Smile. It will begin to immediately transform your mood and make you feel better, and will make others around you try to smile. It will also help you to follow all of these rules, because you’ll feel good about yourself and how you behave.
Note – Choosing your attitude means that you can do the above because you want to or because you have to. Personally, I couldn’t care less why you do it, but it will be done.
Violations will result in the following. These are in no particular order. Depending on the violation, one, some, or all can be put in place. Punishment is not limited to this list.
1) Loss of some or all digitals.
2) Loss of your iPod.
3) Moving your bedroom to the guest room.
4) Going straight to your room upon getting home from school.
5) Exclusion from family activities, including movies, dinners, and any other activities. You will be sent to Kristy’s to play with Ryan while we are gone, or we will get Ms Satterwhite to come stay with you.
6) Loss of all candy, ice cream, and treats.
7) And yes, spanking.
Stay tuned. Brighter skies ahead for this kid and the family who loves him.
About Kate Hall
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