I’ll Take a Side of Stress Wrapped up in Guilt Please!

Dr. Rebecca Muminovic

The holidays bring out the very best and the very worst in us all. How I long for the days when I vegged out on the couch watching movies while the smell of my mother’s cooking filled the air and my biggest concern was if my pants stretched enough to contain the massive amount of food I would soon be consuming.

The holidays just seemed effortless and magical, and certainly for me they were…although I now know my mother likely saw them differently. Today I am the mother and our home is where the family, and I do mean the entire family, lands for the holidays. In past years, I have all but killed myself trying to make it special for everyone, especially my children, so that as they reflect back they will see nothing but dancing sugarplums in their heads.

This year however I have come to a very important realization. Regardless of how much effort I put in to fill their lives with special holiday memories…they will likely still one day be in therapy for something I either did or did not do, so this year I am following the advice I give to my patients…relax, prioritize, and take it all in stride.

As the holidays are now upon us, take a moment, sit back relax and take a deep breath. Think about all the things you “have” to do over the upcoming weeks. Grab a piece of paper and make three columns titled, “Traditions I LOVE,” “Traditions I like, but could live without” and “I’d rather die than have to do this one more year.” Now begin to place your holiday activities in the columns. Once you are done, sit back, take a deep breath and relax.

Here is how it will roll from here.

The traditions you love, the ones that fill your heart with joy and feed your soul, are the ones you will absolutely keep doing. The list titled, “I’d rather die than have to do this one more year,” you will NOT be doing. Yep, you heard me; you WILL NOT be doing those activities this year. Talk to your partner and family and divvy up the duties, whatever it takes, you are done. If you need a deep breath, take one…if you need a glass of wine, go for it…but you are going to let the misery go this year!

Now the middle list, the like but don’t love list…sit with your partner and family again and go over it. Perhaps there are things on your list that someone else may love and will gladly agree to take on. You may end up with a few items on the list, but try to off load some of them. In the end you will have list of holiday “to do’s” that fill you up instead of stress you out.

Most importantly this holiday season, remember that it is happiness, your happiness that your children will carry in their hearts as they grow. Show them by example how to care for themselves, your example. If you need a break, take one. Have your children help you decorate cookies, clean up the likely fifty pounds of sprinkles that will be on the floor after, wrap gifts, or wash dishes while the adults relax and pick their teeth. If in your heart you are doing the very best you can, there is no guilt, no stress…there is only joy, and likely fatigue, but happy fatigue.

So ladies as always, take your life in stride and know that when you show your children to do the same you are giving them life skills that will make them happy, healthy, and well adjusted. As always, I will shout it from the mountain top…TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! If you don’t take care of yourself first you cannot take care of others. Taking care of your body, mind, and spirit will teach your children to do the same as they grow into accomplished fulfilled adults.