It’s my impression that, for Americans, the Thanksgiving Holiday means:
- hours of car travel with arguing/whiny/carsick kids
- being stuck in airports with weather delays praying to get there before the holiday is over
- listening to politically opinionated relatives at dinner and wishing the holiday was over
- waiting 10 hours for the turkey to cook
- post-meal turkey coma
- pretending to like cherry pie with a crust like drywall
- theorizing that relatives are trying to kill you because they’ve forgotten about your walnut allergy again
- scanning the Black Friday flyers and strategizing how not to get accidentally trampled while shopping…
My family, on the other hand, doesn’t have to deal with any of these things. You see, our closest relatives live in Canada, and up there they celebrate Thanksgiving in October. This means that we are probably the only family in the U.S. who isn’t spending Thanksgiving with relatives!
The following is my Top Ten Thanksgiving survival list:
Do not even think of travelling. The entire country is travelling this weekend for Pete’s sake!- Don’t clean the house. Nobody outside of your family will see the inside of it this weekend, and the kids are going to spend four days trashing it anyhow.
- Call relatives up north at work, and gloat about the four day weekend.
- Do not buy a turkey to feed four people unless you are interested in eating turkey-chip cookies by day three.
Don’t bake pie – in fact, buy it on sale on the weekend. There will be plenty!
- Black Friday: Wayyy too dangerous out there. Make it “DVD Friday” instead.
- Saturday: Tell whiny kids that you are sorry their friends are all busy. Tell them to go ride bikes. When they complain that the streets are all full of parked cards, let them watch too much TV.
Saturday evening: Go out for dinner! The restaurants won’t be too busy, because most people will be at home entertaining visitors. Go for ice-cream afterwards (no line-ups). Enjoy the fact that the kids are taking a break from complaining they’re bored.
- Sunday: Peer through the blinds at neighbors’ houses watching for departing cars; then tell the kids which friends they are finally allowed to call.
- Give thanks that we survived a four-day weekend at home with the kids.
Have a Happy Thanksgiving, however you celebrate it!
