by Nicole Unice, Author, Blogger at The Stubborn Servant and Richmond Mom-of-Three
Call me crabby, call me feisty, and please call me right — I’ve got a few issues with parenting. There are just some things that I see happening in my suburban parenting universe that must stop. Now, don’t get me wrong—I’ve caught myself in these traps quite a few times. But I’m on a quest to liberate moms from the following problems:
Rant #1: Using the word “we” where it doesn’t belong.
If I hear another mother tell me that “we” just started crawling or “we” are eating baby food now, I’m going to swallow my tongue to keep from correcting her. I certainly hope, mommy dearest, that you did not just start crawling. This is an easy one to slip into—who of us hasn’t been totally consumed by new mothering, so much so that we feel like we really ARE the ones crawling or pooping or whatever?
This is an important semantic to correct so that “we” don’t lose ourselves totally in mothering and forget that “we” are still grown women who have an identity apart from our (albeit adorable) baby. So unless “we” are taking a nap in the afternoon, I wish all moms would separate themselves and let their babies be babies in the first person.
Rant #2: Creating questions where there should be commands.
Maybe this is a sign of our child-centered culture, but I will never understand parents who use a question mark where there should be a firm statement. Call me crazy, but I thought when voice inflection goes up at the end of a sentence, it meant there was a choice. But last I checked, wearing shoes, not running the street, and going to bed aren’t really choices a toddler has to make. So why in the name of punctuation do parents insist on confusing their children with choices? Here’s an example:
Mommy: Johnny, would you like to get going to the grocery store?
Johnny: NO!
Mommy: Well, Johnny, we need to leave, so would you like to get in the car?
Johnny: NO!
I can see this play out: Johnny’s going to continue fussing because, well, he thought he had a choice in the matter. Talk about frustrating. I’m guessing mommy’s just trying to be nice and not come off as “hard,” but it ain’t nice to confuse a kid about their next move. Moms, it’s time to step up and take the heat from your three-year-old. Let’s lay off the questions where there isn’t one, and keep our commands clear. If Johnny can’t pick his bedtime, run naked through the neighborhood, and eat Smarties for breakfast, then those statements shouldn’t be anywhere near questions.
Rant #3: Losing all ability to have intelligent conversation.
I’m worried. What if some parents contract this disease and can’t help themselves? What if they never had brains to begin with and talking about little Susie’s obsession with the dog’s tail is truly the best conversation they can come up with? I’m talking about adults here, slowly losing brain cells by choosing to only talk about their children.
I do like to talk about my kids. Sometimes. Occasionally. When I have a huge problem. But sustaining adult conversation about our children is like getting stabbed in the eye with an ice pick. We could talk about global warming, politics, religion, Britney Spears –any of that would be more enjoyable than talking about your kid’s recent change in disposable diapers.
Here’s why I really struggle with this one: I think our culture is too child-centered. In our admirable quest to let kids be kids and stop abuses of all sort, I think we have wildly swung the pendulum in the other direction, and we now let kids rule. And it’s not good for them. The pressure’s too much.
We are creating little celebrities in our own homes. Pictures. Videos. Conversations. CDs with their names on them, books with their names on them, purses, T-shirts, Grandma bags and jewelry, all worshipping them. That’s a lot of pressure for a little kid who’s still figuring out how to say “please” and not pee in their pants. And when they hear mommies discussing only them and their amazing feats and all their struggles publicly, well, I think it does a number on their fragile psyches. Maybe it would be better for our kids to realize that mommies have an identity apart from their children, that we have interests other than their next birthday or kiddie class, and that we will, in fact, be OK when they grow up and leave the nest. Let’s give them a little space.
Woo, I’m on a role, but at least now you can talk about something other than your kid’s dietary habits at your next playdate. Now, onto an appropriate use of a question!
So how about you? Do you agree? What do you see that needs to stop in our mom culture?
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