Every time I hear about another child that has resorted to suicide in an effort to escape being bullied, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. The latest victim in the news is a fourteen-year-old boy from Williamsville, NY, named Jamey Rodemeyer.
Reports state that it was not a secret that he was struggling with his sexuality and that that it is where the bullying originated from. That poor child must have been so desperate in his final moments, so without hope, felt so alone, probably thought no one understood what he was going through…A true tragedy.
Wish I could have just offered him a hug, and assured him that his life would get better. I sure most people can agree that the problem should never have reached the point of no return. Apparently, his parents were doing all the right things, going to the school and talking with the principal. Seeking out the help of a therapist, yet still, James killed himself as a direct result of the bullying he was subjected to. How do we as a population figure out how to stop bullying?
I can clearly remember myself being bullied in school. I was always a small kid, and that was the catalyst I guess for a mean kid to single me out and convince others not to pick me to be on their teams for kick ball and at recess.
In Junior High the bullying became scarier. I was a late bloomer, so now that became the springboard for some boys to feel that they could say derogatory things to me. The experience made me turn inward-I became shy and quiet-basically, tried to make myself invisible…Just writing these words conjures up the horrible low self-esteem that plagued me throughout my tweens and teen years. So in a way, I guess the bullies are still affecting me all of these years later.
When my older kids were in school, I remember my daughter having a tough time with another girl who thought my daughter was stealing away her best friend. This other girl would pinch and squeeze my daughters’ and the other girls arms very discreetly while digging her nails into their flesh. Thank goodness that I’ve always told my kids that they could tell me anything that was bothering them-The moms all got together and talked about it in a non-accusatory way.
The girl was never a good friend after that, but the arm squeezing did stop. It seems like little girls at about the age of seven or eight start picking on each other; making secret playground clubs and excluding other girls in an attempt to feel accepted usually by a “Queen Bee,” girl. It is very difficult to understand as a parent about this phenomenon, but most teachers are aware of it and are eager to help keep their eyes on situations if it is brought to their attention. Principals, also will usually get involved and accept requests for student class placements if a parent asks for their kid not to be put in with the bullying child.
This afternoon, my first-grader brought home a flyer in his backpack announcing that his school in an N.B.A. School. No Bullying Allowed. Students are being trained on the different forms of bullying and were told how to report bullying behaviors. It states that forms of bullying are verbal, social, exclusion, physical, false rumors taking things, forcing someone to do something, racial, and cyber and cell phone bullying. A person can report bullying anonymously on-line even to the school site.
I did a quick poll of a few tweens and though most say they have not experienced bullying, some say that the teachers are in denial if they claim that a school does not allow bullying to happen. Much like signs posted outside of school claiming it to be a drug free zone. We all know that stuff still goes on-we just don’t know how to stop it?!
I do not have the answer on how to stop bullying other than teaching our kids right from wrong. Problem is, I think some kids are being taught bullying behaviors by observation. As the song goes in the film, South Pacific, “You’ve got to be taught to hate and fear, you’ve got to be taught from year to year, it’s got to be drummed in your dear little ear…to hate all the people your relatives hate, you’ve got to carefully taught.” I am certainly NOT blaming the parents alone, I am one myself, but kids generally mimic their parents beliefs and actions. Maybe limiting exposure to those annoying Disney movies that feature kids bullying each other, and kids getting revenge on each other, or how about Jersey Shore and Housewives shows? I’m just sayin…
While Lady Gaga is not exactly my cup of tea, Jamey Rodemeyer had texted that her music was a source of support for him during the bullying he endured.
Lady Gaga last week dedicated a song to Jamey claiming “You are not a victim-You are a lesson to all of us!” Perhaps she is ‘preaching’ about tolerance in her music-guess I should pay a little more attention to what my kids are listening to.
I wonder how ‘cool’ those bullies feel now knowing that they are responsible for another child’s’ death?
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