My daughter is hovering again. She’s bored and wanting my attention. I shouldn’t complain – she’ll only be small for a little while, these are precious times and all too soon, she’ll be in school all day and too busy to want to play Go Fish with her mom. 
But right now, I really wish she’d go somewhere else.
I’m a work-at-home mom. Having recently lost my not-at-home job, I decided to pursue my own interests and start my own business. I’ve worked at home before, as a marketing freelancer. I’m familiar with the routine, and feel lucky to have this opportunity.
The fantasy of this situation is that I’m at home to enjoy all the little moments my children offer me, and I get to make a little money on the side and fulfill that desire I have in me to be my own person and do my own thing. It’s flexible, I get to exercise my creative muscle and be my own boss. And I get to be there for my children when they need help with their homework, want to play a game or even just snuggle.
Right now, though, the gosh-honest truth is that I’m annoyed with her whining. I have things to do. I NEED to get this article written. I have laundry, the vacuum needs to be run and I have shirt orders to fill. I’ve already played “Moms” with her and let her play with my hair. I’ve painted her nails. We’ve watched Madeline, her favorite movie. And we’ve read all her Madeline books.
I look at her little face and I’m so conflicted.
On the one hand, I have filled my mommy duties – I mean, I can’t devote every second of my day to her. She’s 6, after all. On the other hand, isn’t this why I want to work from home?? I mean, I’m so lucky! Right?
I’ve tried to establish parameters with regards to Mommy’s work time. I find that works best – devoting certain times of the day to work, and certain times to play. My children seem to respond well – I get my work done, and the kids get dedicated mommy time. Structure makes our little world go ‘round.
But sometimes, like today, it just doesn’t work. The whining and boredom overtake the understanding of the arranged schedule. She’s getting frustrated with me, my mounting frustration is turning to anger…
Is it really worth it???
You know what? It is. I AM lucky. But hear this (and I know other WAHM’s know this too) – this is not easy. It’s not easy to balance the time you need to devote to your business to make it thrive, with the time you need to devote to your children so they’ll do the same. There aren’t enough hours in the day. Sometimes I miss being able to leave work behind…coming home and just focusing on being wife and mom and nothing else. Often, my children go to bed and my work day begins. My sewing machine works the late shift on many an occasion. The rare quiet times in my house are devoted to just trying to get SOME work done, when what I’d really love to do is sit on the couch and have some quiet time myself. Just once.
It’s grueling. It’s exhausting. It’s a lot of compromise. And a lot of sacrifice.
It’s also exhiliarating. And precious. And wonderful.
You know, I’ve come to realize there’s no such thing as the woman who does it all. Or not well, anyway. To the outside, I may seem together. I have friends who’ve accused me of being a witch because I seem so organized and clean and put together. The reality is that my office/workshop looks like a bomb went off in it, I haven’t showered since Wednesday (God bless pony tails), there’s 3 weeks worth of laundry to put away sitting in piles on my bedroom floor like land mines, and the shower hasn’t had a good scrub in months.
But my children aren’t in daycare all day, which makes me happy. I get to spend time with them, taking them to the pool and gymnastics and the park, which makes us all happy. The laundry is at least clean, which makes my husband happy. No one’s happy about the shower, but oh well. My business is growing, my creative juices are flowing and I get to pursue my passions. So, difficulty aside, I’ll treasure this while I’m lucky enough to have it.
And you know what? My daughter will be OK if I tell her “no, not now.” She may stomp off in a huff, and give me an earful of attitude on the way out the door, but she’ll get over it. She might go aggravate her little brother in her frustration, but she’ll lose interest in that soon enough. And eventually she WILL find something to do to entertain herself.
And if not, there’s always that shower…
Jennifer Gurley co-owns a company called Kikibonan with darling kids’ clothing and accessories.
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