by Kate Willoughby Hall, Richmondmom.com Founder and noticer of weird kids everywhere. 
Hilarious cartoons like this one at this site: www.nataliedee.com
In my daily routine with the kids, I often stop to notice the silly little things that children do.
And let me just say, there are some really weird kids out there.
I mean, not-that-there’s-anything-wrong-with-that–but some of these kids have some crazy antics that make me stop and take notice. Come on, you’ve seen them, too, haven’t you? You’re just not bold enough to talk about them on a public forum like I am. Well, here goes.
First there’s the kid who is constantly making noises–not to be mean, but the kid has got to have some strain of some freaky-disease that causes his lips to be moving at all times, uttering pure nonesense into the wind. I can see his mother’s patience brimming over. I’m pretty sure I saw her jaw clenching, teeth grinding. Kid was still murmuring all through the store.
Another kid I know is a five-year-old who WILL NOT POOP. Will someone tell me why a child would literally hold it in for days on end, causing himself bellyaches and frustration instead of spending five minutes on the toilet? Man I’m not sure what they’re feeding him, but I have never seen anything like it. His mom seems like she’s pretty much over-the-edge about it and has tried Miralax, high-fiber diets, fruit, and doctor visits aplenty and still nothing.
Another child I saw recently literally would not wear underwear-anywhere. and looked as if her hair has not been brushed in weeks. Upon further examination it appeared that the snarls in the back of her head were actual dreadlocks and the poor kid just had spiky-looking clumps sticking out back there. She also had on a darling little dress, pajama bottoms, and rainboots, and it was about 102 degrees in the shade.
As I watched one family eat their lunch at a nearby table at the supermarket, it tickled me that one of the little boys refused to have food on his plate that he wasn’t going to eat. He literally kept pushing the strawberries off the edge of the paper plate onto the table, as his mother calmly explained that he didn’t have to eat everything on his plate, but he did have to leave everything on his plate. The kid finally picked up those plump strawberries and pitched them towards another table, nearly swatting someone’s grandma in the head with a berry surprise. The little one then grabbed her mom’s bra and yelled “BOOBIES!” at the top of her lungs as the mom quietly shushed her.
The family got up and left–it appeared much to the mom’s relief—when the little one ran back, picked up one of the strawberries off the ground–ATE IT, then licked her fingers, before the lady could even say anything. The other two kids busted out in fits of laughter at their sister, who had broken the cardinal no-floor-food-rule in public of all places.
They walked to their car, and the little kid with the bowl cut whipped his pants down, pee’d in the parking lot next to the car, as his older brother laughed hysterically at the stream lurking down the hot pavement. Their mom just looked exhausted, like she didn’t even notice, but then quickly grabbed his ear and schlepped him into his booster seat, all the while holding a bag of groceries.
I’m pretty sure that gal could use a friend right now. I’m pretty sure she’s just like me.
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