by Kate Willoughby Hall, CEO of Richmondmom.com and sometimes-stay-at-home mom.
Shortly after we were married twelve years ago, my husband and I were taking a walk in our in-laws’ neighborhood, and one of the guests who had been at the wedding said to me, “Are you continuing to work now that you’re married?”
I was kind of taken aback, wondering why in the world I’d quit a job that I not only needed but actually liked simply because I was now a Mrs.
This well-meaning woman responded, “Well I hope you don’t continue to work after you have children. Working Mother magazine was the worst thing that ever happened to women. More women should just stay home with their kids.”
Her statement never left me, all these years later. Not that it was the first time someone had forced their opinion on me in regards to working after having a child, but perhaps because it was the first of many in a firestorm of questions spewed out like bullets striking soft-hearted moms like me everywhere, without the comfort of a bullet-proof vest.
I was fortunate to know from the start of my first pregnancy that I didn’t want a traditional work-week, and that I could both a) afford and b) manage a part-time schedule after my first son was born. I gave up benefits, my annual bonus, and all the perks that went along with being a full-time corporate gal because that time with my baby was more valuable than anything money could buy. It took a lot of fanangling, negotiating, and coercing to convince my then-bosses (who were also friends) that I could still produce for the company even when I was only in the office three days a week. I did, and they were happy. We were all happy.
Eight years later, I find myself in a bit different situation where I don’t necessarily have to report to an office on specific days each week. I do however have commitments to clients (advertisers of this site) and readers (you) to provide great content and a quality site that readers will enjoy. So there is a constant juggle of babysitters, an occasional mom to help out, and often I’m able to take my preschooler with me on business errands while the boys are in school; the great fortune of this is not lost on me.
But there are women out there who would not care to have a schedule like mine–who like the comfort of a set schedule each week in a nice office each week with a (gasp) paycheck every two weeks–I do not for one second blame them. Still yet there are women who don’t ever want to return to work, devoting their lives to their offspring and desiring to be there for their children as much as possible, often sacrificing financial stability to do so. I respect them all.
Because as a mother I’ve learned in the last eight years that every mom parents differently, works hard, and overcomes challenges every day that I may never face in quite the same way. Somewhere in Richmond a mom-of-four with a special needs child is working away in her office while her husband is dealing with four noisy children after school. In another house in Chesterfield a mom tries to get her work done to send off in FedEx while her teenage son barks at her for money for the movies. In Mechanicsville, a mom is lonely at home with two small children while her husband is away on business, and often doesn’t know where to turn for support.
It’s not my job to tell them how they should support their families, or whether they should work or not. It’s my job to help them to do exactly what they want to do–better than they ever thought. And offer a hand when I can.
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